Johnny Depp, Mr. Pots-and-Pans, at the “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales” Shanghai Premiere

Posted on May 12, 2017


As the stories of his financial woes, wild (one might say profligate, if one were trying to impress with one’s vocabulary) spending habits, and eye-roll-inducing self-indulgent work practices roll forth from every corner of entertainment media seemingly by the hour, it is perhaps no surprise…


… that he is in full-on Elderly Gay Windchime mode. Is the bandanna there in case he gets the urge to polish one of his trinkets? Like the imaginary watch at the end of that chain? Or will he be using it to do magic tricks later?

We imagine years ago, when he was smooth and poreless, when it seemed like all of the girls and some of the boys sighed over his pout and forelock, and he put on his first couple of chains and gewgaws, he must’ve made tinkling sound when he walked, like a wood fairy or something. Later, as the jewelry piled up concurrently with the affectations, he started sounding more like a windchime.

Now, he must sound like a box of pots and pans being thrown down a flight of steps.




Oh, whatever.


[Photo Credit: TPG/ – Video Credit: Disney Movie Trailers via]

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