Julia Roberts Named People Mag’s “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” for the Fifth Time

Congratulations to Julia Roberts for becoming the WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN again!

There are none more beautiful.

A brief history of Julia Roberts’ BEAUTIFUL tenure:

1967: Julia Roberts is born. Receives no accolades about her beauty. Yet.

1968-1990: Julia Roberts continues to exist in a pupal pre-fame state, in which her beauty goes unremarked-upon by billions.

1991: WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN Achievement Unlocked!

1992: A return to lesser beauty.

1993-1999: Famous, but not beautiful on a world-class level.

2000: WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN re-achieved!

2001-2004: Un-beautiful.

2005: Conquers the WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN mountain for a THIRD time!

2006-2009: Mediocrity.

2010: Becomes WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN again. Gives blood-curdling roar of triumph. Bites head off Sandra Bullock doll.

2011- 2016: The Dark Years.

2017: Once again, standing on the broken bodies of her lessers, Queen Julia of Beauty Mountain re-ascends to her throne as the WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. Peace in our time.

This is such a silly goddamn “tradition.”

[Photo Credit: People Magazine]

• Julia Roberts
• People