Vanity Fair Oscar Party 2017 Red Carpet Rundown, Part 1

Posted on March 02, 2017

Alright, darlings. Four straight days of Oscars weekend coverage has us punchy and cranky. In order to better serve you as the highly frivolous, bite-sized, disposable form of entertainment you seek to get you through your days, we think it’s time for us to start wrapping this up and looking to the future.

We’re tired of these attention queens, is what we’re saying. Let’s judge them quick n’ dirty-style


Allison Williams in Miu Miu

A gorgeous gown on a gal who doesn’t do much with it.



Brie Larson in Ralph & Russo

Beautiful color, but she looks like she got caught in a massive piece of machinery and barely managed to escape.



Demi Lovato in Monique Lhuillier

Generically poofy.



Evan Peters and Emma Roberts (in Armani Privé)

Looking pretty good there, kids. Great gown; love the hair color, darling.



Isabelle Huppert in Armani Privé

Over her. The sheer top and exposed bra is just awful.



Jessica Biel (in Ralph Lauren) and Justin Timberlake

You can put on all the gold lame in the world, girl. You’re still Oatbiel. Also, that’s one cheap-looking dress.



Jon Hamm in Canali

Why do his pants and jacket not match?



Juliette Lewis in Christian Siriano

That’s one of the few semi-sheer skirts we’ve seen lately that we don’t actually mind. The sleevelessness bugs, though.



Kate Hudson in Roberto Cavalli

A beautiful gown the color of a dustcloth. Why.



Mindy Kaling in Naeem Khan

LOVE this! It’s formal and glamorous, but playful and bright. It looks fabulous on her.



Naomie Harris in Calvin Klein Collection

This is a little too underplayed, but it’s a hell of a site better than the ugly thing she wore to the main event.



Patricia Clarkson in Son Jung Wan

Very pretty, but we’re not convinced that lovely shade of pink is her best friend.



Priyanka Chopra in Michael Kors Collection

Gorgeous. Not the most scintillating and exciting design in the world, but it’s a fab dress on the right gal for it.



Reese Witherspoon in Michael Kors Collection

Cute. Very Reese.



Rooney Mara in H&M Conscious

Still serving up AudreyBot weirdness. We like it, though. She’s someone who can actually work these sorts of nude-y non-colors. It helps that the dress has enough visual interest to keep it from being dull.

Jason Statham and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (in Atelier Versace)

Girlfriend snagged herself the best Versace of the night. She looks gorgeous.

He remains Gay Porn Homer Simpson, which is not as much of an insult as it sounds like.



Sam Heughan in Ermenegildo Zegna

Nicely done. He’s had a lot of issues getting his fine, curly hair to work in a modern red carpet setting without looking like ladyhair, but this gets the job done.



Thandie Newton in Schiaparelli Couture

Gorgeous – until we get to the skirt.


More to come, dolls!


[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

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