We’ve never been all that much into passing on celebrity gossip here. Not because we think we’re above that sort of thing (most of us indulge in some level at one time or another, whether we want to admit it), but because, when we hung out our blogging shingle, we opted to avoid it as much as possible since the “bitchy gay celebrity gossip blog” market was not only cornered, that corner was packed with a ton of bitchy queens.
But sometimes you’ve gotta put someone’s life circumstances in perspective when you’re looking at their public image choices. It came out this week that Katy and Orlando Bloom are taking a break from each other (insert respectful moment of silence here) and there are apparently pictures of Orlando canoodling with some other gal somewhere. Is this our business? Not literally, but when we heard the news, the very first thing we thought was, “Oh, that explains the Vanity Fair party dress.”
Cause we can only explain this look by framing its wearer as someone who’d have rather gotten drunk on her couch, drunk-dialed all her friends to ask if she’s pretty and then puked up the two pints of Ben & Jerry’s she tore through:
It’s just a weird, non-photogenic gown, to our eyes. We realize she probably chose this happily and well ahead of any recent life changes, but it just looks so heavy and dreary to us. We usually like bronze as a red carpet choice, but we don’t think it works all that well with the brassy hair. The shoulder treatment thing is just weird. And rare is the instance when you’ll hear T Lo compliment a car wash skirt.
Okay, we don’t know why we got all third-person on your asses there at the last second, but our point is: we don’t like it. And maybe we’re reading too much into it, but she doesn’t look like she does either. JPG is simply not a great option for most red carpets, much as we love the man’s work.
Jean Paul Gaultier Bronze Embellished Dress from the Fall 2016 Collection
Lorraine Schwartz Jewelry
Jimmy Choo Sandals
[Photo Credit: Getty Images, IMAXTree]