Jake Gyllenhaal and Rebecca Ferguson! Just what the hell do you two call this mess?
Look, we don’t know your lives, and we don’t even care if you two may occasionally need a release valve on the constant pressures of poledancing, but might we suggest that showing up for your photo call in Paris shitfaced beyond all measure is not the best path to good P.R. and ticket sales?
Haha. We’re kidding(?), of course. You’re both a mess, but we have no reason(?) to suspect that you’re actually seconds away from an alcohol-induced coma. It’s just that your clothes are so sloppy that we mistook you for train hobos.
Seriously, did you two ride the rails last night? Because you look like you slept in those things.
We can tell it’s a nice enough suit – and to be fair, he’s well groomed (if a little greasy) – but the jacket’s so wrinkled and tight.
Seriously, why is he so greasy-looking? His pillow must look like someone used it to drain french fries.
What is this even…?
We urge you to do a search on the term “lady tux” on this site to see just how many times we gave them 3 snaps in Z formation (or whatever we were feeling that day), but this is a fright. The pants are too long and too crotchy. The tuck on the blouse and the cuffs on the sleeves are so poorly done that we assume she only woke up some time in the last 45 seconds.
It’s a shame, because if all of this was working, it would be a fabulous look for her.
On top of everything else, they probably could’ve used some coordination. A man in a blue business suit and a woman in a white tuxedo don’t look like they belong on the same elevator together, let alone posing for pictures.
[Photo Credit: Alban Wyters/ABACA/INSTARimages.com, Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images]