Ben Affleck, Jason Momoa, Henry Cavill, Ezra Miller and Ray Fisher promote “Justice League” at CinemaCon

Super-men, line up so we can give you the judgey once-over.

Jason Momoa is your hot boyfriend who got into a bar fight. Ben Affleck is your hot boyfriend’s attorney.

Jason says, “Please, world. Take me as I am.”

World spends 2 seconds considering and decides to accept.

Honestly, we have no illusions about the likelihood of this picture being much good (the trailer below disabused us of such notions rather efficiently), but we cannot wait for the promotional tour, because he is going to be such a gift to a couple of bitch gay fashion bloggers such as we. Not only will we have the fun of dissecting his “hot mechanic” drag, but we also have the added pleasure of looking at him while we do so.

What is not to love here?

Aside from the slightly horrifying fashion choices, that is.

Other guys attended, so we suppose we should pay a little attention to them and stop staring at light-bending Jason. Seriously, doesn’t he look like he was photoshopped into this picture, like he doesn’t even exist in the same space as Cavill and Affleck?

Ben.  We need to talk about your suiting.

Just what the fuck is going on there, mister? You look like you’re slowly expanding with gas – and we know damn well that’s not at all the shape of your body.

We’re also puzzled by Cavill’s jacket.

Why does it look like he pulled it out of a tar pit? Why are the sleeves so long?

This is all fine and good, guys, but you’re really not allowing us to judge your clothing for you. Stand still, will you? And why is Ezra dressed for color guard?

It’s something of a sad commentary when the director (Zack Snyder, in the center) is the dressed better than any of the male stars of the film. Come on, guys. This is an inauspicious beginning to your poledance. Just about the only one who’s allowed to continue what he’s doing is Jason. Not because it’s fabulous and stylish and not even because he’s hot to death, but because it’s always such a hilarious incongruity to see him in this setting and no one seems more bemused by it than him.

This looks and sounds like male middle-age depression turned into film form.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Ben Affleck
• CinemaCon
• Ezra Miller
• Henry Cavill
• Jason Momoa
• Ray Fisher
• Red Carpet
• Zack Snyder