Darlings, the time has come to put the in-retrospect quite odd 89th Academy Awards to bed, is it not? After all, we’ve got a TON of after-party looks to get through, not to mention a whole bunch of pre-party stuff left over from the weekend. Time to say goodbye to all that glitter and ambition, dolls.
But first, we have to do some drive-by judging. Put your bitchpants on.
She doesn’t always nail it, but this is a beautifully dramatic look. The deep green looks amazing. We’re not a hundred percent on the subway map running up and down her body, but it’s not a dealbreaker.
Honestly? This feels kind of perfunctory for her. It’s okay on a night when she should’ve been going for “spectacular.” And the bodice looks like it’s a bit snug on her.
Under different circumstances, we’d probably not love that pattern all that much, having seen so much of it in the last few years. But there was very little pattern at all on the Oscars RC and there’s no denying the sheer joyful exuberance she’s pumping out. It’s bold and regal at the same time. Can’t hate.
Brava, darling. You brought major drama and a head-turning look to a night that isn’t about you. That’s how it’s done, lady stars.
Who knew she could work a classic Cher?
It has the unfortunate effect of looking like a better version of Michelle Williams’ Louis Vuitton. Unfortunate for Michelle, that is.
Even so, we hate the barely-there bust.
It turns out, she fucked up more than the Best Picture announcement that night.
Picture it: The ladies room at the Oscars. Two stall doors fly open. Ruth Negga comes out of one, Ginny comes out of the other. All the other ladystars hightail it out of there because there’s gonna be a showdown.
Ruth wins by a mile, of course.
He gets on our nerves, but there’s no denying he’s got good tux game. Love the vest. There were quite a few of them this year.
We quadrupled-checked this to be sure, but it turns out to be true. This simple, classic, elegant and easy-to-pull-off gown has a RODARTE label sewn inside. How is that even possible? Everyone knows Rodarte dresses always look like the aftermath of car accidents.
We’re bitches, but this is really nice. Suits her perfectly.
It has the unfortunate effect of looking like a knockoff of Emma Stone’s Givenchy. What is it with all the … shall we say, non-A List stars showing up in cheap knockoffs of nominee dresses? There were some crying stylists the next morning, we’re thinking.
Very much up to the occasion while remaining very much him.
We’re not super-crazy about the way the bodice has no side panels that we can see, but she’s pulling this off better than we could’ve predicted. Because it doesn’t really look like it’s all that easy to pull off. It’s an odd shape, it looks like it’s quilted and there’s no real color to rely on.
The matching cuffs are a no, though. We are not Wonder Woman, dear.
Love those tight pants you’re wearing, Boo.
Normally we love a pewter gown, but this one looks heavy and dreary. The bust isn’t sitting well on her and we suspect she’d have been much better off with a couple of straps.
It’s very booby (like that’s anything new with her), but all things considered, Mrs.Luthor could’ve picked something a hell of a lot worse than this from the pile of couture shoved under her bed.
Way too “Peggy Sue Got Married.”
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]