Miss Zoe, we’re afraid we’re underwhelmed. And if we’re underwhelmed looking at you on the red carpet, then we also disappointed. We can discuss the finer and not-so-finer points of this look in a moment, but we simply must get to the main critique immediately.
This dress gives you accordion boobs.
We can practically hear them deflating now.
If the dress had anything else to recommend it, it might not have bothered us as much, but there’s literally nothing else to look at but the accordion boobs and the oddly clumsy and oversized bridal footwear. We don’t know where you were coming from with this one, dear.
But you clearly felt you could rest on your face and head styling, and we admit, we’re almost inclined to agree. But still: accordion boobs.
Brandon Maxwell Heavy Georgette Strapless Mini Dress from the Spring 2017 Collection
Swati Dhanak Large Splatter Earrings in 18K Yellow Gold with Diamonds
Christian Louboutin Shoes
[Photo Credit: Jonathan Leibson/Getty Images, IMAXTree, Courtesy of Swati Dhanak]