And the lady drag show just keeps on keeping on, darlings. We’ve seen the bird women and the warrior women, but now we’re entering a far less structured part of the costume parade. A collection of over-the-top ridiculousity and general WTFery that can only be described as LADY EXPLOSIONS.
“FLOWER BALLS! Popular thing in Ukraine! Even to use as hair decoration!
Look! I am the Princess Leia, yes?”
“Girl, I don’t even know…
I think we’re like the giftwrap capital of the world or something?”
“Lucky you. Tanzania’s two biggest exports are recycling and clowns.”
“Australia! We’ve got shit taste and we’re PROUD of it!”
“Let Portugal be your big, fluffy lady flower. With boobs.”
“Check out these stamens and pistils.
Oh, is my costume making you feel a little funny? Good. You should feel funny, sitting there and staring at a bunch of desperate women, willing to do anything for money and fame. This is a farce and an insult.”
“The hell’s her problem? I feel GREAT.
“Right? Girl, lighten up! I didn’t even bring a costume. I figure I’ll treat this whole thing like a vacation with the possibility of a rich husband at the end. Or wife, even. It’s all good.”
British Virgin Islands
“We’re supposed to be upset because that girl has to wear a flower? Shit, I’m wearing THE ENTIRE TOPOGRAPHY OF MY NATION IN DRESS FORM.
You feel ‘desperate’ and exposed, little girl? MY VULVA’S COVERED IN TAPE RIGHT NOW.”
“Hey, Uruguay! Try carrying a fucking stage on your back, bitch!
AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING ‘DESPERA– ‘ AGGH MY NECK!!”
“I would think very carefully about my next move if I were you, Uruguay. VERY carefully.”
“Honey, please. You watch too much Game of Thrones and you’re wearing two different shoes.
In Guam, we are not subtle about things. My lady flower is flaming hot, like my bod. Which you can see because I’m barely wearing anything.”
“Did someone say HOT? Like my FLAMING MAGMA BODY?”
“Yeah, your airbrushed cape is really cute. Meanwhile, I AM TELLING THE EPIC TALES OF MY PEOPLE. With naked guys and everything!
Top THAT, you tacky bunch of cashiers!”
“Come to the magical underwater kingdom of VENEZUELA. We, the undersea people of VENEZUELA, live in buildings made of pearls, laugh with the dolphins and ride on sea horses. I am Princess Anemone and I bid all the peoples of the world WELCOME.
Or as we say in VENEZUELA, ‘Click click click OWM OWM YIYIYIYIYIYI.’
Because we live underwater, you see.”
“Oh, it looks like I shouldn’t have given Miss Venezuela so many muscle relaxants, you guys. She said she was nervous! I was just trying to help!
Anyway, my shit is hot, right?”
[Photo Credit: Alex Mertz, Anthony Yu, Tom Starkweather/Miss Universe Organization]
The “Orange Is the New Black” Ladies Hit the SAG Awards Red Carpet Next Post:
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