Miss Universe National Costumes 2016, Part 2: People, Places and Birds

Posted on January 30, 2017

Darlings, the biggest lady-drag show in the world continues apace! Don’t miss Part ONE.

As is always the case, every single year, many of the countries of the world dress their representatives up as bird women. Why? We don’t know, but if they ever got their shit together, we’d be in trouble. And every year, some of the countries of the world dress their representatives up as places, which is usually an awkward thing to do when you’re trying to look sexy or glamorous.

Then there’s the whole thing about putting faces on skirts. We have no idea why.

Hit it again, girls.

 

 

Miss Austria

“Several members of our Ministry of Culture hung themselves over this dress, so you assholes better give me something.”

 

 

Miss Barbados

“Come in my glittery cave! I mean come see our glittery –

It’s a CAVE.

No, they’re not teeth! God!”

 

 

Miss Belize

“ARISE, MY SISTERS! THIS IS THE SIGNAL! THROW OFF YOUR CLOAKS AND TAKE FLIGHT! KILL ALL THE MEN!”

 

 

Argentina

“If Miss Belize thinks she’s leading the charge in that birthday party decoration, she’s sadly mistaken.”

 

 

Miss Dominican Republic

“No, beak-sisters. This is not the Way of the Feather. We must allow our winged friends to guide us toward a world more loving, more peaceful, more beautiful than we could ever imagine.”

 

 

Miss Ecuador

“Sit down, bitch. You look like a Pier One exploded on you.

Ecuador. We don’t hug.”

 

 

Miss Honduras

“Oh, Honduras hugs, sugar.

HONDURAS HUGS.”

 

 

Miss Peru

“Yes! Enough of the Militant Bird Women nonsense! Angelic Good Girls will always win the day! Especially PERUVIAN ones!”

 

 

Miss Russia

“Is Russia who is best at sexy good-girl bird costume. Peru is made-up country.”

 

 

Miss Bahamas

“Until any of you dreary pigeon-bitches can match my DISCO FLAMINGOS, you all need to step the hell off and shut the hell up.”

 

 

Miss Haiti

“Ohmigod, you guys! I laid an EGG. I didn’t even know we could DO that.”

 

 

Miss Nicaragua

“DON’T BE SCARED. I’M ABOUT TO ENTER THE FINAL STAGE OF MY TRANSFORMA -SHRREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!.”

 

 

Miss Malaysia

"Beep boop.

Shoulder.

Lasers.

On line.

Beep boop.

Nicaraguan.

Bird Goddess.

Targeted.

Beep boop."

 

 

Miss Turkey

“Man, it’s getting way too intense around here. You should come to Turkey to see all the —

Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

 

Miss Germany

“Swear to God, I only went along with this because when they told me about it, I thought they were fucking with me.”

 

 

[Photo Credit: Alex Mertz, Anthony Yu, Tom Starkweather/Miss Universe Organization]

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