Oh, thank GOD, darlings! Celebrities put expensive clothes on and walked a red carpet last night! Our long holiday drought is finally over and we can all get back to the important business of shallow judgment again! Hooray for us. Also: Happy 2017. Let’s get the bitchery started, shall we?
Just so you know, there’s both happiness and sadness to be found in that sigh.
Happiness, because Joel looks hot and dapper.
Even if the grooming isn’t what it should be. A white dinner jacket is a crisp, clean, classic look that puts one in mind of Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca when it’s on the right man. When it’s on the wrong man, it instantly goes “parking valet.” Joel’s got the chops to work a Bogie, but a shave would’ve helped tremendously.
And now, the sad sighing:
No. We reject this. We will not be spending 2017 railing against ugly, overembellished sheer dresses like we spent 2016 doing it.
Oh, dammit. Yes, we will. This shit’s not going away anytime soon. And yes, we said “shit,” not because we’re naughty pottymouths but because it’s time to call these ugly frocks what they are: big piles of glittery poo.
The “bodice” is just strips of sheer material placed over her breasts. There’s no construction to it at all. The skirt sits WAY too high and attaches to the bodice in an ugly way. Worst of all, she’s wearing some sort of boy shorts or something underneath this mess instead of just putting on a slip or having it lined.
We cannot. The prospect of another 12 months of yelling about this makes us sad.
We’ll just look at Joel for awhile. That should cheer us up.
Ruth Negga: Valentino Embroidered Gown from the Spring 2017 Collection | Lucifer for Gemfields Ring
Joel Edgerton: Ralph Lauren Black and White Tuxedo | Montblanc Cufflinks, Studs, and Watch | Jimmy Choo Shoes
[Photo Credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images, Emma McIntyre/Getty Images, IMAXTree]
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