The T Lo Holiday tradition continues, darlings. Part one can be found here.
As for part two, it’s broken down into the two most basic types of all the angels; the ladies working the very oldest of angel traditions. First up:
Is it us, or is her outfit – except for the bra – made out of baby bibs?
Behold, the Goddess of Presents.
“Der. I’m a girl! I don’t even know what clothes are for! But I sure LOVE. PINK.”
“I, too, LOVE. PINK. I also love wigs, the fashion trends of 2003, and a strenuous abs routine.”
Lingerie for when you’re tripping balls.
“I represent a more conservative, traditional take on the whole “pink angel” idea. Not like those Lolita whores.”
“Fuck off, Barbie. Got briefs on my boobs, a pair of sleeves with no shirt, and crotchless, see-through sweatpants. I am CRUSHING IT.”
Bow down to the ARCHANGEL OF CRAFTING.
Coming in 2017, that old sitcom classic The Flying Nun gets a new edgy update as Netflix proudly presents FLY GIRL!
“That’s right, bitches. You don’t like my see-through toddler dress? There’s the exits.”
Geez, you’d think with all those dogs, at least one of them would have placed higher than 86th. You got yourself a weak strain there, girl. And they all appear to be blind and hairless. Also dead.
And finally, no Victoria’s Secret show would be complete without that longstanding VS tradition:
The ensemble that answers the question “How can we make migraines sexy?”
“Who am I, you ask? I am your sexy Christmas … pirate witch. Whatever. Gaze into my complicated panties and stop asking stupid questions.”
She looks so sad. Don’t you kind of feel sorry for her? Like, she got cast for the Victoria’s Secret show and they stuck her in this crap? C’mere, honey. You need a hug.
“WHATEVER. That ho needs to lighten up. Got my creepy porcelain legs on and I am FEELING IT.”
She keeps relentlessly walking toward us, that soul-less grin frozen into place. Never stopping. Never tiring. Always blooming. Forever angel-ing.
This is how we know we’re gay: We can’t get over how ugly those shoes are.
Not that we needed any confirmation that we’re gay. GOD, has THAT ship sailed, like a hundred times over.
“VICTORIA’S SECRET NEW HOLIDAY CHARGER PLATES ARE ON SALE AT ALL STORES! THEY SMELL LIKE SUGARPLUMS UNTIL YOU WASH THEM.”
Because what goes better with pink panties than skeleton arms? Total dream girl.
Good for her for seeing the absurdity of it. Attagirl. Ha ha. It really is fucked up, isn’t it?
The real WTF here is why they cast such a shitty walker.
That’s right. We said it.
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]