And now, a one-act play, starring everyone’s favorite cranky gay couple.
Lorenzo: Let’s talk about this Katy Perry Marchesa gown.
Tom: Jesus. It loo–
Lorenzo: I love it.
Lorenzo: People always hate Marchesa, but I don’t care. I love it. It’s crazy and fun and romantic.
Tom: I agree with one of those assessments. To me, it looks like … like …
Lorenzo: You’re not usually at a loss for words.
Tom: Doesn’t that tell you something? This is unquantifiably —
Lorenzo: Oh, look. You found a word.
Tom: — awful. You know what it looks like?
Lorenzo: I can’t wait for you to tell me.
Tom: It’s like … Did you ever rent a shitty beach house with tacky decor?
Tom: And there’s always that one lamp; the one with a million shell pieces and starfish fragments and glass beads and faux fisherman’s net hot-glued to it in a frenzy of theme-decorating madness?
Lorenzo: “Starfish fragments?” What the —
Tom: Or, like, a really over-the-top, crafted-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life bridal shower favor.
Lorenzo: I think that’s enough coffee for you today.
Tom: Oh! It’s like one of those SUPER-tacky fiber-optic, color-changing Christmas tree angels we saw the other day!
Lorenzo: I’m sorry I even asked.
Tom: Look at the sparkly fungus growing up her boobs!
Lorenzo: You have no taste.
Tom: Are those chrysanthemums on her chest, would you say? Can we call them tit mums?
Marchesa Pleated Grecian Gown Featuring Iridescent Lace Detailing and Fabric Flower Corsages from the Spring 2017 Collection
L’ Dezen Rose Gold Diamond Floral Earrings
[Photo Credit: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images, IMAXTree]
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