Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift on the Beach in Suffolk

Posted on June 27, 2016

Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift spotted on the beach with his mother Diana Hiddleston and family in Suffolk, UK.

 

Can’t these two young love birds find a moment’s peace? Can’t the roving bands of paparazzi that are ALWAYS seen lurking around Suffolk, just waiting for famous people to pass through, leave these two paramours alone? You VULTURES.

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Just look at Tom’s grimly set mouth. Let’s take bets on what he’s feeling: Either he’s trying very hard to look put out by the presence of the very cameras his (or more likely, her) publicist ordered or he’s starting to question his dignity and self worth.

 

 

Tay, for her part, is soaking all of this up like a sunflower at high noon in June. Publicity is the girl’s life’s blood. And if you think we’re vilifying her by saying that, you’ve got it exactly backwards. Not to piggyback off two famewhores by doing our own bit of whoring, but we literally wrote the book (well, A book, anyway) on celebrity image management. To quote ourselves, because we’re just that self-important:

“It’s a star’s responsibility to make sure everyone knows who she’s fucking, who she’s not fucking, and who she wishes she was fucking, the knowledge of which should make her much more fuckable in the eyes of the public, thereby increasing her asking price as well as the likelihood that she’ll win an award. The gossip writers call this “canoodling,” but any truly ambitious star sees it for what it is: strategic career advancement opportunities secured through judicious dating.”

“The goal here is to land a grainy paparazzi-photo magazine cover before the two of them have confirmed they’re a couple, possibly on a yacht or beach or some other place where the two of them can publicly rub oil on each other. Upping the speculation on the relationship will make the confirmation of it seem that much more epic, an answer to a question the public didn’t realize it was dying to have answered.”

They’re playing the game like so many others have done and will continue to do long after us. It’s the celebrity way, darlings. The reason this version of the classic celebrity canoodle has become so notable is because:

 

1) Both stars have large, fierce, and vocal fanbases that don’t particularly lend themselves to the idea of a peaceful co-blending with the other star’s fanbase. Taylor’s fanbase is largely composed of young women with an interest in pop music, pop culture, the celebrity life and fashion. Tom’s fanbase is largely composed of women in a wide age range, but tends to skew older than Tay’s fanbase. This is a fanbase less focused on things like celebrity and fashion and more focused on genre-specific entertainment, from Marvel superhero films to Outlander.

2) She is arguably a much bigger star than he is, which gives him a more mercenary feel in this scenario. This has upset a portion of his fandom, who believed him to be a celebrity who was more interested in perfecting his art and thanking his fans than in pursuing a publicity-driven lifestyle.

3) They’re doing it so clumsily.

 

That last one is probably the most important aspect of this. Most of us don’t fall into either Tay’s fandom or Tom’s. The vast majority of people tuned into pop culture probably wouldn’t have had much to say on this coupling at all except for the fact that everyone instantly pegged it as a PR move and started cracking jokes about the obviousness of it all. That “introducing her to his mother” move may go down as one of the all-time cringe-worthy celebrity PR moves, right up there with the Michael Jackson/Lisa Presley kiss or Tom Cruise on Oprah’s couch.

Also: we deserve some credit for not deploying the slang usage of the word “thirst” anywhere in this post.

 

[Photo Credit: FameFlynetUK/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Palace Lee/PacificCoastNews]

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