Johnny Depp at the “Alice Through the Looking Glass” Premiere

Posted on May 24, 2016

Johnny Depp attends the premiere of Disney’s “Alice Through the Looking Glass” at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood, California.

 

Johnny.

We don’t even know what to say anymore.

 

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But we’re sure we’ll think of something by the time we scroll down to the end of this post.

 

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Okay. We’ve got something.

It’s like this: while this is very, very far from the worst thing we’ve ever seen him wear on the red carpet, it’s kind of depressing to see. He seems to have realized (or listened to smart people who told him), that his oh-so ’90s/Steven Tyler-esque penchant for scarves and straps and trinkets and gewgaws (all of which caused us, in a moment of frustration with his outdated choices, to note that he looked like an elderly gay windchime – you had to be there) were not doing him any favors and he admirably ditched them. It can be tough to let go of your style “security blankets,” especially as you get older. Maybe Amber got through to him on this one. Regardless of how he got there, the point is, he ditched all that outdated stuff. The problem now seems to be that without his ’90s rocker style affectations, he seems to have no idea what to do with himself.

For all our bitching about his outdated and aging style choices, we never would have suggested he go stripped down and mainstream. There’s nothing notable about anything he’s wearing – except that it’s all so unflattering. And the only thing notable about his grooming is how ill-suited he is for that hair. He needs to find some sort of style for himself that allows him some freedom to be (or give the appearance of being) nonconformist. In comparison to that awful circa 2002 zoot suit redux he’s sporting, we’re thinking some sort of return to “aging rocker” would be preferable. He just needs to find a modern, slightly more stripped-down version than the creepers, scarves and Ricky Ricardo suits he tended to favor for too long. We’ll make it easy for you, Johnny: For any red carpet situation that doesn’t call for a tuxedo:

Ditch the suits and wear very expensive, very well-fitted jeans with a concert tee, boots and a Gucci blazer. Go nuts on the jewelry. Skip the scarves. Get a haircut and stop dyeing it.

If you do even half of these things, we’ll stop being such bitches to you.

 

[Photo Credit: PRPhotos.com]

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