The Walking Dead: East

Posted on March 28, 2016



One of these episodes, we’re hoping our heroes run into a wandering epidemiologist who informs them that the virus that causes the dead to walk also causes the living to lose brain cells at a rapid pace.

We’re used to our TWD characters being annoying and stupid. The Walking Dead fans sometimes give the impression that they watch the show for the same reasons you’d watch a reality series about hoarders or people who can’t stop eating kitty litter; just so that they (we) can all feel better about themselves in comparison to the people onscreen, all of whom seem to be a bit of a mess at the very least. One of the few aspects of the show that consistently managed to make all the dumb and annoying people bearable was the occasional (and we have no doubt, largely inadvertent) development of fan-favorite badass characters. If the show was ever successful (on a creative level), it was due in large part to achieving some sort of balance between supremely irritating idiot characters and cool, quiet badasses who make it worth watching. We’re not even going to name them, because virtually all of TWD fandom is in agreement as to who the cool ones worth rooting for are in the story.

Now consider the following: The most annoying, most idiotic characters in this show right now are Carol, Morgan and Daryl.

Good job, TWD creative team! Attaboys and girls! You did it! It took you all some time, but you’ve effectively chipped away all the coolness from your few cool characters. You’ve managed to turn Carol into Andrea, Morgan into Dale and Daryl into season 2 Carl. Brilliant. We expect Michonne will start trying to run in heels any episode now. At the very least, they should have her flip her car into a ditch on an empty road, for old time’s sake.

We’ve spent roughly two whole seasons listening to Rick & Co. talk about how unprepared and naive the Alexandrians are, only to watch Rick & Co. consistently do idiotic things to demonstrate that they’re really no smarter or better equipped to handle the world than anyone else. Because really, is Denise the dumb one for leaving the safety of Alexandria in pursuit of can of pop or is Carol the dumber one for leaving the safety of Alexandria because she’s tired of killing people? Because you know what happens when you leave the safety of a place like Alexandria? You’re almost immediately plunged into life-or-death situations that call on you to … kill people to survive. In other words, Carol left Alexandria because she’s killed too many people, and then within hours of leaving, she kills another half-dozen. How does this make Carol anything but, well… an idiot? Then again, literally EVERYONE who walked out those gates – all of whom are counted among the best fighters in Alexandria because they’re all Rick-ites – are insanely and implausibly stupid for leaving the compound right after having declared war on a rival group by attacking and killing them.

Christ, what an awful episode. What a waste of time watching these people all inexplicably turn into other people for no reason than to service a plot that seems fairly weighted with inevitability and expectations at this point. Someone Important Is Going To Die. And in order for that to happen, Everyone’s IQ Has To Plummet.

And right on schedule, as we’ve been predicting all season, the Saviors suddenly and without warning went from a ragtag collection of smug Barney Fifes to the type of people who can sneak up on Daryl and shoot him before he gets a chance to react. Ugh. There is not one person in the cast right now whose death would upset us. Michonne, maybe. But it’s hard to remain concerned with (or even interested in) the fates of people who go dumb at a moment’s notice.

We can’t imagine the introduction of Negan is going to live up to the buildup. After so many years of disappointments, we’re at the breaking point, it seems. If the finale disappoints in any way, we’re probably walking away from The Walking Dead. 


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