Amber Heard and Johnny Depp at the Palm Springs Film Festival

Posted on January 05, 2016

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp attend the 27th Annual Palm Springs International Film Festival Awards Gala at the Palm Springs Convention Center in Palm Springs, California.

 

Sigh.

We’re not just typing “sigh.” We’re really sighing. And not in a “Isn’t he dreamy?” kind of way. FAR FROM IT:

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They are sighs of resignation and weariness. Sighs that say “We’re done, Johnny. You’re hopeless.”

Of course we’re not done with him but we tend toward melodrama in these sorts of things, as you probably know by now. Anyway, look: let’s get one thing clear regarding our perspective on Johnny’s très tragique personal style. We would never seriously suggest that he “act his age” or whatever. If he wants to sport long hair or lots of jewelry, those aren’t necessarily bad choices in and of themselves. Personally, we think his square facial structure tends to look better with shorter hair and that’s become more true as he’s aged, but if it’s not his bag, then it’s not his bag. Long hair and showy jewelry on men aren’t crimes against style, but not every man can make it work and that pool of men tends to get smaller as you go up the age scale. If, say, we were playing Imaginary Stylist and we knew we couldn’t get away with a makeover that he’d probably hate, then we’d turn our efforts toward trying to find him some slightly more modern pieces of jewelry to wear and spend a considerable amount of time convincing him to let his gray grow out. If anything, the worst of Johnny’s style crimes all center around the use of too much makeup and what looks to us like over-dyed hair, brows and whiskers. He’s 52, and while it’s possible he has absolutely no gray hair, we don’t find it likely, especially given to how fussy his overall personal style tends to be. It’d be great if he could grow a full beard, but given the wispiness of his facial hair, we’d probably suggest going clean-shaven. Neither the tux nor the shoes are terrible sins, although the former is typically too tight and the latter strike us as … juvenile somehow.

To be slightly succinct about it: ditch the earrings, stop dying everything, shave the facial hair, tone down the concealer, use less greasy-looking hair products, slap on a chain bracelet or metal cuff, limit him to one showy ring and get him in a pair of boots or shoes that have appeared in a magazine some time in the past 18 months. Also: make sure everything fits impeccably. It’s not how we’d do it if we had absolute power over the situation, but we figure this is a workable halfway point for him. Yes, the gray hair would probably be a tough sell but his contemporaries George Clooney and Brad Pitt haven’t suffered all that much for ditching the Lady Clairol products from time to time, have they?

Since we don’t have a runway or look book shot to compare it to, we can’t tell if we dislike her look because of the sheer skirt over the shorter underskirt or if we dislike it because it’s a sheer skirt over a white slip. The first means she just picked a bad dress but the second means she picked a dress and allowed it to be styled badly. Having said that, she looks a lot prettier than that dress probably deserves. She has too many of them on at once, but we love the bracelets.

 

Style Credits:
Dolce&Gabbana Black Lace Dress

[Photo Credit: David Gabber/PRPhotos.com, PRPhotos.com, IMAXTree]

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