Lucious is freed from jail and declares himself President in Charge of All Y’all Motherfuckers.
Push-Up Prosecutor is PISSED.
Meanwhile, across town, Cookie’s got some Fendi to be modeling, lips to be pursing, eyebrows to be arching, and asses to be kicking.
Please note the phrasing.
Ever the proud momager, Cookie urges Hakeem to give her something for her Facebook page.
Lucious invites his highly fractured family over for some good old-fashioned Family Dinner, complete with something like five different kinds of meat and fish. You’d think they were signing a treaty or something. Instead, it’s a Declaration of War on Lucious’s part.
Cookie, for her part, finds the whole thing outrageously delicious and gives her best Alexis impersonation.
Later, Boo Boo Kitty beams up to the starship Enterprise.
Meanwhile, Cookie has skinned another animal and, while hiding out from enraged PETA members, manages to berate the members of Pink and Brown Rainbow.
Fauxlena’s not having it. That girl is trouble.
Over at Empire, Jamal and Becky are apparently the only two employees doing any work over there. After trying and failing to sign Cannibal Chris Rock’s daughter, they both pulled shifts in the company cafeteria and then did some data entry and light accounting.
Over at the offices of Falcon Crest Dynasty Ewing Oil Records, Cookie has a surprise visitor.
“Bitch, what are you doing here?
“Bitch, I want to destroy Lucious.”
“Bitch, I think I like you now.”
Later, she puts on her MEGA-Bitch Boots and forces Fauxlena and the other Rainbow-Brite girls to rehearse – but really it’s just an excuse for Cookie to punish some bitches for getting mouthy with her.
Then it’s WAR ON THE DANCE FLOOR as the Lyon family start firing their opening shots at each other. Caught in the crossfire is Pitbull, but no one really cares.
Cookie arrives with Janet hair and a Mr. T jumpsuit and informs Lucious and the rest of the room that she pities the fool who would try to cross her because she’s in CONTROL.
Lucious is upset, which you can tell because he touches his face in a really creepy way.
Cookie’s all, “Please, bitch. I did seventeen years in jail. BRING YOUR SHIT.”
In other news, Kelly Rowland remains extremely pissed at her agent and manager.
Later, Cookie is very pleased to find out that she can rock the shit out of a metallic gold Versace suit, but her pride is short-lived.
Lucious shows up with Fauxlena, who he… bought or something? Cookie’s all “Whatever” but of course she’s furious. She spent hours beating the shit out of that ungrateful bitch to turn her into the sort-of star she might be someday and this is how she repays her? Girl, you better wipe that smug off your face.
Cookie retreats to lick her wounds, vowing revenge on a supremely pleased Lucious. We can tell he’s pleased because instead of touching his face in a creepy way, he’s smiling in a creepy way. Face it: he can’t do anything without it looking a little creepy.
Fendi Faux Fur Coat from the Pre-Fall 2015 Collection
Gucci Red Sleeveless Lace Up Dress from the Spring 2015 Collection [Not pictured]
Dolce&Gabbana Polka Dot Blouse from the Spring 2015 Collection
Emanuel Ungaro Zebra Print Jacket
Givenchy Floral Print Sleeveless Hooded Sweatshirt
Paul Andrew Athena Caged Knee-High Sandal
The Blonds Gold Catsuit from the Spring 2015 Collection
Versace Gold Metallic Pant Suit [Not pictured]
[Photo Credit: matchesfashion.com, neimanmarcus.com, Fendi, farfetch.com – Stills: Tom and Lorenzo/FOX]