Bless their hearts, these kids are poledancing for their little forgotten superhero movie like they all just put a down payment down on a mansion. Bravo and brava, darlings. Nothing like watching that old-timey showbiz tradition of singing for your supper. Although truth be told, they’re all spinning so damn hard it makes us automatically assume their film must be a stinker.
C’mon, just look at this and tell us it doesn’t look as phoney and coordinated-to-within-an-inch-of-its-life as any high end luxury goods ad or CW melodrama promo? And we use those specific examples because that is EXACTLY what these shots remind us of:
“Fantastic Four” costars Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara (in Elizabeth and James), Jamie Bell, and Miles Teller (pictured with his girlfriend Keleigh Sperry) step out for dinner together in New York City.
“WOOOOO!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We’re linking arms because we’re FRIENDS! And YOUNG! And also because we made a movie! A MOVIE! YOU SHOULD GO SEE IT BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH FUN WE’RE HAVING ON THIS SIDEWALK!”
Also: semi-random infusion of babyhead boobs. That never hurts if you’re courting the fanboys.
They tend to do a little better when they’re not forced to try so hard:
Still, we’re starting to assume their faces must hurt from the constant, 24/7 smiling.
We’re also starting to assume (in fact we’re near-certain) that putting the boys in t-shirts and jeans while putting Kate in cute little cocktail dresses is a deliberate thing that the stylists and/or publicists in charge of this poledance came up with. It’s too consistently applied. Michael B and Jamie both have shown a predilection if not a preference for dressing up in cute or funky suits, which they’ve not worn once during this tour.
And while there are a ton of social and cultural factors that wind up causing actresses to sit through some fairly humiliating shit on the average poledance tour, applying these wildly different rules of presentation to them – that is to say, reinforcing the idea that women must present a perfect and desirable image of themselves while men don’t have to bother – is a factor that helps create an atmosphere where asshole interviewers feel free to treat them like fantasy objects or worse, like idiots. This is why we tend to be hard on the boys. If she’s wearing a little dress and heels, then you don’t get to wear t-shirts, in our opinion.
We have absolutely nothing bitchy to say about the following stop on the tour, however:
Because it’s adorable.
But we’re insanely jealous.
And finally, the one gambit that lets you know the people behind this highly crafted poledance are NOT fooling around:
The “let’s fuel rumors that some of the co-stars might be fucking” pap shots. Because these are some seriously coordinated outfits going on here. If we put all three of these different shots up and said they were shooting a rom com and these were their costumes, every single one of you would have believed it, because let’s face it: these are costumes.
And dammit, they do look adorable together. Love her green jacket and pink shoes.
[Photo Credit: Getty Images, Teach/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, PacificCoastNews, papjuice/INFphoto.com]