Celebrities, please line up in a restrained and controlled manner and wait for us to call your name so that you may step forward to receive judgment.
Christina Aguilera in Roberto Cavalli
Christina Aguilera attends the Hakkasan Nightclub 2nd Anniversary Party at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada in Roberto Cavalli.
It says something about her terrible red carpet history that we can look at the tortured feet and boobs here and think, “Well, this isn’t so bad, all things considered.”
Allison Williams in Altuzarra
Allison Williams attends the 2015 Housing Works Groundbreaker Awards at Metropolitan Pavilion in New York City in Altuzarra.
Reeking of Eau de Basic.
Anton Yelchin at 2015 Tribeca Film Festival Celebration in West Hollywood, California.
Naomi Campbell in Jean Paul Gaultier Couture
Naomi Campbell attends the 2015 Time 100 Gala at the Frederick P. Rose Hall in New York City in Jean Paul Gaultier Couture.
Fur sleeves. Because Naomi Campbell.
Kiernan Shipka attends the Los Angeles Special Screening after party of “Just Before I Go” in Hollywood, California.
Sweetie, we love you, but you’re dressed like a parent chaperone at a school dance.
Dianna Agron attends the premiere of “Tumbledown” during the 2015 Tribeca Film Festival at BMCC Tribeca PAC in New York City.
Almost pretty, but the shape of the yoke and the shoes are both really distracting.
Kathryn Hahn attends the series premiere of “Happyish” held at the Sunshine Cinema in New York City.
Julianne Moore in Michael Kors
Julianne moore attends the 2015 Time 100 Gala at the Frederick P. Rose Hall in New York City in Michael Kors.
Girlfriend, no, Part Deux.
Katie Holmes attends the premiere of “Eternal Princess” at the Shorts Program during the 2015 Tribeca Film Festival in New York City.
Just started binge-watching Sons of Anarchy, apparently.
Renee Zellweger in Burberry Prorsum
Renee Zellweger attends “One Starry Night: From Broadway to Hollywood” gala in Los Angeles, California in Burberry Prorsum.
This manages to look both super-fussy, and like she just pulled it out of her vacuum cleaner.
Jane Krakowski attends the premiere of “Adult Beginners” at AMC Lincoln Square Theater in New York City.
Eighties secretarial wear.
And this is like the 5th time this month we’ve seen those shoes.
Kate Walsh attends the Los Angeles Special Screening after party of “Just Before I Go” in Hollywood, California.
Olivia Wilde in Christian Dior
Olivia Wilde attends the premiere of “Meadowland” during the 2015 Tribeca Film Festival in New York City in Christian Dior.
We’ll give her this: she’s selling the shit out of it.
Jaimie Alexander in Mugler
Jaimie Alexander attends ‘harper by Harper’s BAZAAR’ launch party in Los Angeles, California in Mugler.
This dress makes our brains hurt.
Norman Reedus attends HBO’s ‘Kurt Cobain: Montage Of Heck’ Los Angeles Premiere in Hollywood, California.
We’re sorry to say, but he’s officially “Try Hard” now.
Kate Mara attends 2015 Will Rogers “Pioneer of the Year Dinner” in Las Vegas, Nevada in Valentino.
[Photo Credit: Getty Images, INFphoto.com, AO IMAGES/INFphoto.com, Janet Mayer/PRPhotos.com]