Oscars Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on February 24, 2015

Alright, ya big attention whores. You failed to impress us enough to get your own posts, so we’re gonna lump you all together and do one big mass critique at once. Stand still while we judge.

 

 

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji
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 Very pretty if a little on the grandiose side.

 

 

Adrien Brody in Dolce&Gabbana
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 Doucheface.

 

 

Nicole Kidman in Louis Vuitton
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 This read “cheap” on TV and that hem is an abomination.

 

 

Zendaya Coleman in Vivienne Westwood
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The dress looks generic and the wig looks like it’s about to slide off her head.

 

 

Gina Rodriguez in Suzy Amis Cameron
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Pretty color but otherwise very basic.

 

 

Chris Evans in Gucci
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 Hey, boo.

 

 

Chloe Moretz in Miu Miu
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 It’s pretty in an “old bedspread” kind of way but she never took her hands out of her damn pockets once. And the hair looks too casual with it.

 

 

David Burtke (in Calvin Klein Collection) and Neil Patrick Harris (in Brunello Cucinelli)
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David’s we could take or leave, but NPH’s gray tux is gorgeous.

 

 

Jamie Chung in Yanina Couture
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 Baby, you’re a firework.

 

 

John Travolta in Dolce&Gabbana
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 It wounds us that he thinks he can go out in a wig, ten pounds of makeup and sporting a big ol’ Liberace necklace – and STILL remain in the closet.

 

 

Carmen Ejogo in Houghton
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Pretty enough.

 

 

Faith Hill in J. Mendel
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 Bored now.

 

 

Anna Kendrick in Thakoon
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Love the color on her, and the choker neck, but hate that pleat in the center of the skirt.

 

 

Ansel Egort in Prada
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Smug bitch.

But nice tux.

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow in Ralph & Russo
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 We thought this was very pretty but seemed like something she’d worn before.

 

 

Chiwetel Ejiofor in Prada
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 That’ll do nicely.

 

 

Anna Faris in Zuhair Murad
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It’s sparkly and glamorous and there’s not a thing wrong with it, but it’s about as generic as an Oscars gown can get.

 

 

Kelly Osbourne in Rita Vinieris
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Love the skirt, which she is working to perfection here. That neckline broadens her shoulders, however.

 

 

Bradley Cooper in Salvatore Ferragamo
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 Stiff, pale, and plastic-looking.

 

 

Jessica Chastain in Givenchy
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Very pretty, beautiful color, interesting bodice – but again, a totally unmemorable dress.

 

 

Kevin Hart in Lanvin
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We cannot with black shirts and white tuxes. CANNOT.

 

 

Melanie Griffith in Saint Laurent
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Classic and elegant – but her face is starting to become indistinguishable from Joan Rivers’.

 

 

America Ferrera in Jenny Packham
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Hated the color and the bust is extremely unflattering.

 

 

Zoe Saldana in Atelier Versace
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 The color may not be to our tastes, but the fit was exquisite and really showed off her post-baby curves.

 

 

Common in Prada
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 That will also do nicely.

 

 

Naomi Watts in Armani Privé
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 Hated the bandeau top underneath.

 

 

Oprah in Vera Wang
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It’s very Oprah.

It’s up to you to decide what that means.

 

 

Jennifer Hudson in Romona Keveza
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Pretty. Basic.

 

 

Sienna Miller in Oscar de la Renta
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Pretty but underwhelming.

 

 

Lorelei Linklater in Gabriela Cadena
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It’s not what we would call a great look, but it’s unique, we’ll give it that.

 

 

Solange Knowles in Christian Siriano
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 Not quite sure what we’re looking at here…

 

 

Chris Pratt in Tom Ford
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Hey, Boo II.

 

 

Rita Ora in Marchesa
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It’s a stunning gown. Her people really know how to sell the hell out of her, don’t they?

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews, Getty Images]

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