Jesus, Mary, and Oprah, we’ve got a metric shit-tonne of pre-Emmy dresses to rundown, you guys. It may be a Sunday, but that doesn’t mean the bitchery rests. Because it’s not enough to have a huge, televised formal awards ceremony; they also have to have like 30 fucking pre-parties because they’re that addicted to the back-patting.
Oh, we love them. We can’t be mad. We can, however, rip their dresses in short, bitchy drive-bys. Fasten your seatbelts.
Alfre Woodard
The very definition of Mother of the Bride.
Anna Chlumsky in Vintage Versace
Too severe a look for her features and height. In the immortal words of Addison DeWitt, “You’re too short for that gesture.”
Anna Gunn in Max Mara
Color’s great on her, but that twist is weird and the peek of bra isn’t great. Plus the shoes are Payless.
Bellamy Young
No complaints here. It’s standard, but she’s working it.
Cat Deeley in Azzaro
More Bland-Aid couture. We actually really like the dress, but the accessories shouldn’t be so colorless.
Connie Britton in Marchesa
Girl, no. That is not your dress. No dark, satin-y gowns for you, dear. Not ever.
Julie Bowen in Oscar de la Renta
Truly gorgeous. Best yet. Y’know, Oscar de la Renta is just about the perfect designer for her. She should think about “forming a relationship with the brand,” as the say.
Kiernan Shipka
YAY! Oh, SWEETIE! WE ARE SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!! And why? Because this is your VERY FIRST FASHION DISASTER! This is a milestone in every young fashionista’s life, darling! You are truly a grownup now. Congrats.
Celebrate! They’ll be plenty of time for cringing later. Like when you’re 28 and you look at these pictures.
Mayim Bialik in Tadashi Shoji
No. The color is horrible and the lack of shape in the skirt is doing her absolutely no favors. Also, we are pointing at the shoes. Pointing at them in a most judgmental way.
Michelle Dockery
Absolutely gorgeous.
Morena Baccarin
Also absolutely gorgeous, but girl, no one will blame you for taking your shoes off or leaving a little early. Really.
Sarah Paulson
Muthafuckin YIKES, you guys. We are speechless.
[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PRPhotos.com]
