2013 Primetime Emmy Awards Performers Nominee Reception Red Carpet Rundown

Posted on September 22, 2013

Jesus, Mary, and Oprah, we’ve got a metric shit-tonne of pre-Emmy dresses to rundown, you guys. It may be a Sunday, but that doesn’t mean the bitchery rests. Because it’s not enough to have a huge, televised formal awards ceremony; they also have to have like 30 fucking pre-parties because they’re that addicted to the back-patting.

Oh, we love them. We can’t be mad. We can, however, rip their dresses in short, bitchy drive-bys. Fasten your seatbelts.


Alfre Woodard

 The very definition of Mother of the Bride.


Anna Chlumsky in Vintage Versace

Too severe a look for her features and height. In the immortal words of Addison DeWitt, “You’re too short for that gesture.”


Anna Gunn in Max Mara

Color’s great on her, but that twist is weird and the peek of bra isn’t great. Plus the shoes are Payless.



Bellamy Young

No complaints here. It’s standard, but she’s working it.



Cat Deeley in Azzaro

More Bland-Aid couture. We actually really like the dress, but the accessories shouldn’t be so colorless.



Connie Britton in Marchesa

Girl, no. That is not your dress. No dark, satin-y gowns for you, dear. Not ever.


Julie Bowen in Oscar de la Renta

Truly gorgeous. Best yet. Y’know, Oscar de la Renta is just about the perfect designer for her. She should think about “forming a relationship with the brand,” as the say.


Kiernan Shipka

YAY! Oh, SWEETIE! WE ARE SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!! And why? Because this is your VERY FIRST FASHION DISASTER! This is a milestone in every young fashionista’s life, darling! You are truly a grownup now. Congrats.

Celebrate! They’ll be plenty of time for cringing later. Like when you’re 28 and you look at these pictures.


Mayim Bialik in Tadashi Shoji

No. The color is horrible and the lack of shape in the skirt is doing her absolutely no favors. Also, we are pointing at the shoes. Pointing at them in a most judgmental way.



Michelle Dockery

Absolutely gorgeous.



Morena Baccarin

Also absolutely gorgeous, but girl, no one will blame you for taking your shoes off or leaving a little early. Really.



Sarah Paulson

Muthafuckin YIKES, you guys. We are speechless.





[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PRPhotos.com]

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