Gwyneth Paltrow in Prabal Gurung

Posted on May 23, 2013

We don’t understand what we’re looking at here.


Gwyneth Paltrow attends Goop’s party to launch the summer season in London in Prabal Gurung.

Prabal Gurung Fall 2013 Collection/Model: Ava Smith

Tom Ford Spring 2013 Triple-Buckle Sandal

Don’t get us wrong; we understand that’s current Most Beautiful Woman in the World Gwyneth Paltrow standing in someone’s hallway because she’s having a party to “launch the summer season.” That’s mostly all easy to grasp, except for the part where we apparently have to  “launch” seasons now instead of observing their passing, and that this launching is a service that Gwyneth now provides in lieu of acting. Regardless, that’s not what we’re talking about when we say we don’t understand.

It’s that thing she’s wearing; that collection of straps and clasps and parted drapery calling itself a dress. What an awful lot of effort just to obscure a pretty print. The top half’s okay, if a little too demure for our tastes, but then it all goes batshit right at the waist and keeps getting crazier on the way down. We find that the longer we do this whole judging-celebrity-fashion thing the less patience we have for the Deliberately Fucked-Up Dress.

The DF-UD occurs at least once in every collection – although sometimes entire collections are put forth from bored designers consisting of nothing but DF-UDs – and it’s nothing more than a simple, conventional dress that suddenly goes off the rails at some point because the designer had a style tantrum. Sometimes it works, but most of the time it doesn’t. And if the world was just, these dresses would remain on racks, forgotten and dust-covered. But if there are any people out there who inexplicably love the DF-UD more than bored fashion designers, it’s bored Hollywood stylists and stars. You can always count on a Gwyneth or Zoe or Rooney to pull a DF-UD off a rack and say “Let’s try this one! It’s so different!”

Thankfully, the world created bitchy fashion commenters like us to ensure that DF-UDs get the negative attention they deserve.



[Photo Credit: Getty,]

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