Jessica Alba Double Shot

Posted on March 14, 2013

Darlings, let’s all be really hard on Jessica. Ready? Go.


Jessica Alba arrives at MTV Studios in New York City.

Okay, that’s actually really cute. Somewhat standard in a lot of ways, but we have no real complaints. Total lie; we have one: those shoes look kinda hiddy.

Geez, we really wanted to vent at her. Let’s see if we can work up some bile for the next one.


Jessica Alba attends book signing event on Long Island in New York.

Now THAT’S more like it.

*cracks knuckles*

She’s all “hunting season” on top and “mom pants” on the bottom, with a bag that looks like it should be strapped to the side of a pack mule. Awful. We hate this one. With the heat of a thousand burning suns.

Are we being too hard? Have you formed opinions on these two outfits, like we encourage everyone to do? Good. Hold that thought as we turn the floor over to The Hollywood Reporter for some primo bitchery that puts us to shame:

“She’s suddenly ubiquitous, this type of actress — just not on the big or small screen. She graces red carpets and Fashion Week front rows wearing next season’s Dolce, Zac, Marc and Elie — the perks of being a personal friend of the house — with the most-craved Celine or Alexander McQueen bag, not yet even on preorder, on her arm. Yet she might not have done a project in years, and if she has, well, you haven’t heard of it. Still, she is a legitimate actress, having starred in a few rom-coms, action flicks or horror films, looking gorgeous in all of them. No fake noses or weight gain for this girl.

Today, said actress spends the majority of her time modeling on arrival lines as opposed to runways. Remember when models just wanted to be actresses? These days, a certain lanky, large-eyed genre of B-list-and-lower actresses have, for all intents and purposes, added “model” to their business-savvy hyphenate titles. Meet the 2013 version of the model-actress — or, the mocktress.

But don’t pity her. She makes the majority of her income — a very good income — this way. Last year, according to sources in event planning, marketing and branding, Jessica Alba and Kate Bosworth each earned $100,000 per public appearance.

Maybe they weren’t paid to attend Chanel shows — they just got to keep 15 grand worth of clothes and bags — but they were no doubt monetized for attending the Giffoni Film Festival in Italy, the opening of the Montblanc concept store in Beijing, the Audi Aspen Holiday party and the Topshop/Topman store opening in L.A. Alba alone attended about 43 events in 2012 — the old “opening of an envelope” line comes to mind — and for tres chic Diane Kruger, it was 31 events. Kruger is becoming better known for being well-dressed than her occasional yet interesting acting choices. No doubt she makes more money that way.”

Scroll back up and re-assess those outfits, in light of what you just learned.  Did your opinions change?

NOW do you see why we’re such judgmental bitches when it comes to celebrity style?



[Photo Credit:]

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