We’re cracking our knuckles and pushing up our sleeves, darlings, because we’ve got a metric shit-tonne of dresses to rip. Hit it, ladystars!
Adele in Burberry
It’s pretty, but kind of a stereotypical “big girl” dress. We realize she just had a baby and we wouldn’t suggest she wear something tight and short, but this is her standard go-to for the red carpet and we’d like to see her in something a little less “done.”
Amy Adams in Marchesa
Yawn. There really isn’t a thing about this dress that interests us.
Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney
Love this. It’s sassy and sharp. Perfect for her. She and Tina killed last night. We never laughed so much during an awards show.
Carla Gugino in Rami Al Ali
Emily Blunt in Michael Kors
We didn’t love this on her. It didn’t seem like that gold quite went with her coloring.
Helen Hunt in Dolce&Gabbana
Pretty, but colorless.
Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka
Queen Helen of Fuckinfantastica.
Jennifer Garner in Vivienne Westwood
Standard. There was, as always, a lot of red on that red carpet, but we liked this shade a lot.
Jessica Alba in Oscar de la Renta
Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein
The color is beautiful on her but the bust is outrageously unflattering. And that’s total Star Trek: The Next Generation hair.
Julianna Margulies in Emilio Pucci
Striking color, but we didn’t love the material. Also, her ponytail was ridiculously huge.
Kelly Osbourne in Zac Posen
Hate it. Hate the color and hate that it basically looks like a dress form with a fishtail skirt.
Kerry Washington in Miu Miu
Really disappointing. Don’t like the color, don’t like the matchy shoes, don’t like the limp hair, and REALLY don’t like sheer long skirts over minis.
Lena Dunham in Zac Posen
Once again, we give her credit for trying, but there’s way too much going on with this dress. The Wonder Woman bodice is kind of interesting, but not particularly flattering to her. She looks all bunched up; like she’s afraid to move.
Marion Cotillard in Christian Dior
Beautiful color, but we hate the hem and HATE the matchy-but-not-quite shoes.
Michelle Dockery in Alexandre Vauthier Couture
Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton
Salma Hayek in Gucci Première
She looks a little bit like a Hallmark Christmas ornament. Pretty, but stiff.
Sofia Vergara in Michael Cinco
It’s all right. We suppose we should give her props for not wearing a mermaid skirt, but it’s not like she took any risks here.
Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta
We love ourselves some Oscar, but this dress looks a mess. The pearls are sweet, but they don’t really feel like they go.
[Photo Credit: Getty]