PR: Shrieking Howler Monkeys

Posted on August 17, 2012

So Heidi pulls out her Big Bag o’ Crazy (now with added tassle action)…


And Nina pops out!


Everyone is thrilled.


“Blah blah blah. Marie Claire @Work blah blah. Designers, it really doesn’t matter. We’re going to apply arbitrary criticisms unevenly, based on an understanding of the challenge that conforms with absolutely nothing you hear here, and then we’re going to let the producers tell us who to send home.”


Also: product placement.

Now, a question: How do you drive insecure, defensive, shrieky queens right around the bend?


That’s how.


That is the face of a man who knows he has no allies. That is the face of a man who’s about to go Full Metal Drama Queen.

And yet, for once, the actual queens making up the Drama Queen Brigade were outshone by someone who’s working magnitudes higher on the Drama Queen scale:


This shrieking marmoset. What a freaking wackjob. We knew she was nuts when she insisted on emergency medical care for a hot glue gun burn; an act that had crafters nationwide laughing and rolling their eyes at her.


But she really outdid herself last night, freaking out and melting down over pretty much anything. “A fly has landed on my work table! This is HORRIBLE! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK IN A WORLD WHERE INSECTS ROAM FREELY?!?”


Usually, we have some idea of why someone is having a meltdown. For instance, Raul and Gunnar were obviously pissed that they were chosen last and Raul in particular was worried after being on the bottom and getting sent home once already.


They were annoying bitches and terrible team players, but at least we could understand what set them off. The worst you could say about them was that they refused to listen to the group and went off to do their own things.


Insane in the Ukraine here just wound up lashing out at everyone who crossed her path, including her team mates, the photographer, the makeup people and probably random passers-by on the street. You could argue that Raul and Gunnar were bitches because they were defending their skills and right to be there. Elena was just a hardcore bitch to anyone who walked in front of her and we’re not even sure why. No one really seemed to argue with what she was doing on her dress form. It all looked like her yelling at everyone else because she didn’t like what was on their dress forms.


We’re not quite sure how to take the fact that relatively few people called for her to be Auf’d when the question was asked of them. We suppose you could look at it a certain way and praise those people for choosing a skilled person with a horrible personality over an unskilled person with a slightly less horrible personality. But we can’t imagine anyone in the fashion industry ever wanting to work with someone like Elena, based on how she acted here.


So congrats, Ashley-Kate! We knew it was only a matter of time. The judges have clear favorites from the beginning and the first half of the season is always about getting rid of the cannon fodder and giving each of the teacher’s pets one win to bolster their confidence and make things more competitive in the second half. It’s sad how easily we can all see this playing out.


We like this dress a lot, but it’s an absolute joke that this is considered normal work wear. Show of hands, working people of all stripes, have you ever seen a co-worker come into work wearing something like this on a normal work day? This is, essentially, how two fashion magazine editors and a model think people dress for work every day. We could buy the argument that this was the most interesting design offered – and it certainly photographed very well, which played a huge part in its win – but we can’t accept this shiny cocktail dress with a giant diagonal zipper across the back, a slit, and a very dramatic neckline as anything but a fantasy for work wear.


And it’s Auf Wiedersehen to Raul, an elimination that makes less sense to us the longer we look at this outfit.


Is Raul a bitter, defensive, unfriendly competitor? Absolutely. Is that blouse somewhat troublesome? Yes. But does this look like appropriate work wear? HELL YES. Again; how telling that the two fashion editors, designer, and supermodel eliminated the one outfit that looks like how the vast majority of women dress for work – or at least, office work. We don’t love the flapping pleats on the blouse, but they’d be a hell of a lot less annoying than the turtle neckline on the winning dress. And besides, that skirt is kind of killer, with some interesting seaming details, although you can’t really lay that at Raul’s feet.

But we can’t defend the way Raul walked out. Turning to a competitor (no matter how nasty she is) and saying “I fucking hate you” on the way out the door is incredibly poor form in a competition. Have some class, dude.

And if you want to know which designs should have won and should have received an elimination… well, we can’t do that at the moment. The designs were all relatively bland and unimpressive and we can’t remember many of them in the light of day. What does that tell you?


[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke for – Stills:]

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