Pairs Division: Tatum and Dewan-Tatum

Posted on July 11, 2012

The Magic Mike poledance continues, rolling its way into Europe and crushing any and all opposition to oiled-up naked movie stars. One does not fight the Magic Mike juggernaut. One succumbs to it.

Now, let’s get all judgey and shit.


Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan-Tatum attend the “Magic Mike” European Premiere in London. Channing Tatum wore a Giorgio Armani suit and Jenna Dewan-Tatum wore a J. Mendel dress.

HE: Is perfection. Le sigh. And look, we don’t expect you to believe us, but we’re totally talking about his clothes-wearing ability. It’s perhaps a little condescending to look at it this way (as if that ever stopped us from expressing a thought), but a guy like Channing Tatum could easily get away with looking like ass wherever he goes and very few people would call him on it. Good-looking male stars with great bodies and hot careers get to do whatever the hell they want on the red carpet or in public. It’s not fair, but there it is. So when a star like CT actually takes the time and makes the effort to look impeccable, we’re (we kinda hate to say it) more appreciative of it than when someone like, say, Alan Cumming does it.

And he’s rocking a plaid 3-piece. Le sigh. Score: 9.5/10.

SHE: Is still doing that perfect balancing act required of celebrity spouses during their significant other’s latest PR push. She looks pretty and she’s as dressed up as he is, but she’s dressed in such a way as to not take too much focus of him. That’s not easy to do because people are culturally conditioned to look first at the woman in a formally dressed couple. She is always expected to be the one on display. Again, it’s not fair, but there it is. So she chose a dress that’s perfectly on trend and appropriate, but nothing too exciting or out-there from a design perspective. What we’re really responding well to is the color. That’s an interesting shade of red, with the slightest of fuchsia undertones, which somehow manage to make it look summer-y instead of like a New Year’s Eve dress. A pretty and get-it-done kinda  dress with just enough interest to keep it from being boring. But we have to say, the hair is … not good, kittens. We don’t particularly love the Charlie’s Angel’s style blowout on her, but it’s made worse because her extensions are so obvious. It looks like someone clipped two ponytails to her ears. We’re sorry, girl. Everything else was right-on (except for maybe the silly putty pumps) but that hair is not helping. Score: 6/10.

Combined Score: 7.75/10. Let that be a lesson to us all. Sometimes tatty extensions can really fuck up a girl’s score.  Someone should embroider that on a pillow.

Now, we probably shouldn’t post this because there’s no way it’s not going to sound obnoxious, but we ask you to take a step back and ask yourself the following question: If I had the chance to truthfully state the following sentence, wouldn’t I work it into every conversation, whether it was appropriate or not?

You see, darlings, posting will be on a delayed schedule today because we’re having a crazy blogger day that requires us to travel into NYC, meet with our agent to discuss final changes on our book proposal, meet with a well-known fashion editor just because she said “Hey, we should have a meeting,” conduct an interview with Joy Behar for Metrosource magazine, and celebrate Lorenzo’s birthday, all while a reporter for the New York Times follows us around for a profile she’s writing. About us.

No, we can’t believe we typed that sentence either. We always tell people, when they mistakenly assume that we live some sort of glamorous life, “We’re chained to our desks 48 weeks out of the year, like everyone else. It’s just that for those remaining 4 weeks of the year, we get to be Carrie Bradshaw.” Today’s a Carrie day.

But we WILL be posting, dolls. We’d never let our Precious Unborn Fawns down.

[Photo Credit: Landmark, solarpix/PR Photos]

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