Let’s take a break from ripping celebrities on the Riviera so we can rip on celebrities at a good old fashioned American awards show, shall we, kittens?
Hit it, fame hos:
Alicia Keys in Azzedine Alaïa
It’s an okay dress. Not really loving the hair and we can’t help thinking she needs more dramatic eye makeup.
You know what would make this look really work for us? If the skirt had sequined letters that spelled out “I HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF PROPORTION.”
Brandy Norwood in Hervé Léger by Max Azria
Love the hair, but those shoes were a bridge too far, Pocahontas.
Chrissy Teigen in Georges Chakra
Isn’t it time to take the concept of the folded-napkin cocktail dress into an alleyway to pop a cap in its ass for good?
Jordin Sparks in Diane von Furstenberg
Although she certainly looks excited.
Julianne Hough in Kaufmanfranco
JESUS CHRIST. We’ve been ripping on Aniston for YEARS for wearing what we characterized as sequined bath towels, but this is the first time we’ve encountered anyone willing to actually go out in a sequined bath towel.
Have some dignity, honey.
Julie Bowden in Doo. Ri.
Yikes. We realize this picture’s not very flattering, but that clearly isn’t the dress for her. And those shoes clearly belong on a six-foot-five drag queen with size 13 feet.
Katy Perry in Blumarine
Enh. We’d like this a lot more if it wasn’t in such a prom-y, bridesmaid-y color.
Well all right, then. Personally, we wouldn’t have recommended matching the teddy bears to the caterpillar on her shoulder, but that’s just us. Boring traditionalists.
Lisa Marie Presley in Temperley London (dress)/Alexander McQueen (jacket)
That skirt’s just plain weird.
Pretty color. There’s a bit too much going in the bodice, but this dress suits her better than the other dress she wore last night.
And have you seen our Whiteboard? Check it out.
Nelly Furtado in Alberta Ferretti
There is WAY too much going on around her boobs there. And this dress does not flatter her shape in the slightest.
Taylor Swift in Elie Saab
Credit where it’s due: we still can’t stand the sight of her and she makes our teeth ache, but she looks chic and sophisticated here.
Zooey Deschanel in Moschino
Again with the black tights. Zooey: they don’t go with everything. And they sure as hell don’t go with this dress, which is kind of cute.
[Photo Credit: Andrew Evans/PR Photos]