Pairs Division: Madonna and Riseborough in Marchesa

Posted on January 24, 2012

Poor Andrea. She seems very much to be Madge’s little doll right now – and that’s a position one only holds for a very short time.  How long do you think it’ll be before she’s thrown on the pile with all the other Madonna gal pals she sucked dry and tossed aside?

Yow. That came out a little darker than we meant it to, but can you blame us when they show up at their own premiere looking like a couple of Dracula’s brides?

Andrea Riseborough and Madonna attend the premiere of ‘W.E.’ in New York City in Marchesa.

Marchesa Fall 2011 Collection

Marchesa Spring 2012 Collection

Alrighty then. Let’s take this one from the right, for once. No one gives Madge second billing, after all.

SHE: Gets some praise from us for bringing the drama to the red carpet in a way so few people can. We think the dress is gorgeous – on the model. But – and this is just us, mind you – we tend to think that maybe her Madgesty should think about keeping the focus a little away from her face (,they said, as delicately as humanly possible). It’s a truly dramatic dress that suits her in a whole lot of ways, but all that extra tulle around her very sculpted face is making her look all kinds of witchy. The hair’s not helping either. Don’t get us wrong; we think her face has settled nicely and she looks better now than she did about 6 months ago, but the prison matron hairstyle and goth drag queen shoulder treatment are just a bit much for it to handle. Softer hair and less voluminous shoulders is all this look needs to be perfect. As it is… Score: 6/10.

SHE: Has the look of a kidnapped heiress in her eyes. They should check the carpet after they leave, just to see if she dropped a scrap of toilet paper with the words “Help me” written on it in eyebrow pencil. Does anyone believe for one second she had any say in what she’s wearing – and just happened to dress like Madonna’s sidekick? Hair, face and jewelry are gorgeous, but we don’t like this dress at all. Photographed straight on, walking down a runway, it looks fine. But worn in the so-called “real world” it just distorts the shape of her body. Everything points to her stomach. And finally, a sheer skirt might work in the photographer-friendly atmosphere of a runway show, but under the harsh flashes of the red carpet, that’s just a little too much leg showing. Score: 5/10. With at least 2 points taken off for dressing like a pepper shaker to her salt shaker. Andrea, we’re here if you need us.

Combined Score: 5.5/10. It’s all a bit too self-conscious for us. Trying too hard.

[Photo Credit: Theo Wargo/Getty Images, Janet Mayer/PR Photos]

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