Opening paragraph? Pfft. Who has the time when there are dresses to rip?
Amber Riley in Badgley Mischka
Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace
Let’s face it; this was the look of the night – and with good reason. Personally, we’re not inclined to love something so white and shiny, but since we coined a term for people who don’t put the effort in on the red carpet and named it after her (“Pulling a Jolie”), we can’t in good conscience do anything but applaud here. Quibble about the details if you have to; the point is, the woman is turning every head in the room.
Charlize Theron in Christian Dior
What we love about this ensemble is that it’s Dior Couture, and yet when she was talking to Seacrest it was as obvious as her sternum that she just smoked a big ol’ fatty. In other words, we love that this will eventually be returned to the House of Dior reeking of pot.
Oh, and she’s gorgeous in it, of course.
Debra Messing in Monique Lhuillier
That’s a whole lot of dress, but she’s the gal who can pull it off. What we liked – and you can’t see as well here – is that she chose some boldly colored jewelry to offset the black dress.
Freida Pinto in Prada
Too stiff. She looks like a perfume bottle.
Glenn Close in Armani
This is such an outrageous improvement over her normal red carpet wear of Big Serious Dresses that we’re not even going to point out the oddness of the bustline or the way the outfit is designed to show off her armpits.
Heidi Klum in Calvin Klein
Turquoise really isn’t the province of Aryan blondes, is it? Especially when their skin, hair and dress are all mostly the same color.
Jessica Alba in Gucci
Killin’ it. The color of the night was blush, but we were surprised to see hints of lavender here and there too.
Jessica Biel in Elie Saab Couture
Is she shrinking? Why does that dress look so big on her?
Jessica Lange in J. Mendel
Oh, girl. We are THRILLED you won and we’re gonna leave it at that.
Julianna Margulies in Naeem Khan
Dramatic and unusual but could have used some better detailing. Credit it for taking the less-trod path, though.
Julie Bowen in Reem Acra
Serving up Betty Draper, perhaps a bit too conspicuously.
Kate Winslet in Jenny Packham
It’s the same super-tight look she tends to favor a lot, but this one seems to fit her a skosh better than normal. She doesn’t look like she needed a quart of Crisco to get her in this thing and that’s a step in the right direction. We love the top of it.
Laura Dern in Andrew Gn
Really gorgeous on her. The belt’s in an odd place, but the color is spectacular.
Madeleine Stowe in Vera Wang
Serving it UP, Hamptons style. She looks amazing.
Mary J. Blige in Michael Kors
Oh, Mary J. Blige we love you get up, but maybe it’s time to walk away from the beige Michael Kors ensembles for a while. She looks good, but she looks like she’s looked for a lot of her recent public appearances.
Maya Rudolph in David Meister
This looked fitted and flattering on camera, but it’s looking considerably less so here.
Mila Kunis in Christian Dior
Morena Baccarin in Edition by Georges Chakra
Don’t love the hair, but she’s working the shit out of that dress.
Natalie Portman in Lanvin
We thought this dress had it all over Angelina’s. Elegant and chic. We loved the colors.
Reese Witherspoon in Zac Posen
Reese obviously wanted to look sexy tonight. The dress looks a little too tight on her and the bottom half of the skirt’s kind of a mess.
Sarah Hyland in Dolce & Gabbana
Pretty, but colorless.
Sofia Vergara in Vera Wang
At this point, the only option she has left is to just show up in a literal mermaid’s costume, complete with shell bra and tail.
Taissa Farmiga in Vera Wang
DRAB. Why are so many starlets sporting dresses the color of old bras?
[Photo Credit: Getty]