Jessica Simpson in Donna Karan

Posted on November 30, 2011

She’s been something of a pop culture punching bag, but we don’t actually mind Jessica Simpson. She seems fairly aware of her limitations as a performer and fairly savvy as a businesswoman. People always scoff at the outrageous success of her shoe line but the fact of the matter is, if it was easy for a celebrity to launch a vanity fashion line, then there’d be a whole hell of a lot more successful vanity fashion lines instead of the massive heap of failed attempts.

But Mary, Mother of Pearl do we want to give this girl a makeover.


Jessica Simpson in Donna KaranJessica Simpson attends the 25th Annual Footwear News Achievement Awards in New York City in a Donna Karan a dress and YSL pumps.

Jessica Simpson in Donna Karan

Jessica Simpson in Donna KaranDonna Karan Dark Cherry Infinity Dress

Jessica Simpson in Donna Karan

There are decent ideas here being ruined by bad ideas. The dress? Good idea. Sort of. The color’s great on her and the shape of it works for maternity wear, but she absolutely needs to go up a size here. We’re fine with it tight across the stomach like that but the bust is stretched completely out of shape and ruins the top half of the dress. If there was just a little more drape to it and loose enough on her so that she can take normal steps (because it sure doesn’t look like she can now) we think this would be a knockout look on her. We like the shoe pairing too. Platform pumps are way overdone, but with a short dress on a gal who’s carrying all her weight up top at the moment, they work well in balancing out the look.

But what really sets us off is the hair and makeup. It is so long past the time for a new look with her. We don’t mind the big hair. It works for her persona and her looks. But there’s big and then there’s 15 pounds of hair. She could stand to lose about 5 pounds of hair. She could also stand to tone down that blinding yellow shade of blonde and maybe seek out a hairstyle that’s been seen on the cover of a magazine in the last 20 years. Also: makeup. Why would you have such washed-out makeup with such a vivid outfit? We’re not suggesting matching the lip to the dress or anything, but surely a stronger lip and more dramatic eyes would have bumped up the interest and the glamour quotient considerably.

There. Girl can consider herself fully T Lo-assessed. Someday, we’ll have little stamps, like the Good Housekeeping Seal, that we’ll slap onto celebrities as they walk the red carpet, with scores on them. We have every intention of turning red carpet dressing into an international sport someday.

Oh, who are we kidding? It already is.

Anyway, do the minions agree or disagree with our opinions?


[Photo Credit: Mike Coppola/Getty Images,]

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