WOA: Come on Baby, do the Loco-Motion

Posted on October 20, 2011

Boy, did the wheels come off the bus rather quickly this season or what? We realize that the thought processes of artists – especially in the throes of creativity – can seem obtuse and bizarre to outsiders, but we sat through this entire episode saying “What…the…fuck?” over and over again.

This seemed about as straightforward a challenge as one could think of for a game show centered around art. Here’s your inspiration, artists: motion. Go and do something with this very basic, and easily interpreted concept. But as soon as the parkour stopped, everything went crashing off the rails. Like, immediately. Before they even left the park. Suddenly, and for no reason that made any sense to us whatsoever, the concept of “motion” veered off into discussions of poop and playgrounds.

Poop and playgrounds? We’re not artists, but could someone explain to us how they got there?

We felt somewhat vindicated when Simon, a person who clearly does not have a hard time getting a handle on art and the creative process, was completely befuddled by the artists’ explanations. And can we just say? We almost shed a tear when Simon called them all together and basically said, “Look, this shit has to STOP. Everything you are doing is crap. Start over; right now.” Remember when Tim Gunn was allowed to have moments like that? That is, after all, what a mentor is for. A mentor doesn’t just stand there and say “I’m concerned. Make it work!” Oh, Tim. What have they done to you?

Anyway, the teams all regrouped and decided on new ideas that still had nothing to do with the concept of motion.

So congrats to Bayeté. Yours was the least sucky of all the pieces this week!

To be honest, we thought his piece was fairly simple and pedestrian. Certainly nothing that hasn’t been seen a hundred times before. We think the judges gave the win to him because he was the only artist with a piece that related to the concept of motion. In fact, simple as it was, it was all about motion. We agree, however, with the judges’ point that the simplistic nature was actually a point in its favor because it highlighted the child-like joy of simply moving without purpose. Moving because you can; because it’s fun. Maybe not the deepest thought or most original idea in the world, but it met the challenge head on, unlike most of the rest of the entries.

Michelle was the runner-up and truth be told, we have no idea why. In another instance, we would have considered this a crude, but cheeky idea with very creepy undertones. When the point of inspiration is supposed to be motion, then we have no idea why this piece was considered for the win. Yes, it was moveable art, but nothing about this piece, even when it’s moving, pays any sort of deference to the idea of motion. It’s creepiness masquerading as depth, as far as we’re concerned.

As for the bottom 3, any one of them could have or should have gone home. In fact, not only was it difficult for us to agree on who should go home among the bottom 3; it was difficult for us to even come up with the three worst out of all the pieces. THAT’S how bad everyone did with this challenge.


Both motionless AND meaningless. This is a parody of every negative idea the public has about modern art.


For a second there, we were worried they were going to send the second-cutest guy home right after sending the number one cutest guy home. Still, we wouldn’t have blamed them. This was just plain silly and meaningless. It didn’t help that he couldn’t defend it but still defiantly maintained that it had value. Take a page from The Sucklord and admit when you’ve produced crap, Tewes. The judges respond well to that sort of thing.


We look forward to seeing Kathryn’s absolutely HIGHLARIOUS outburst turned into an animated gif and scattered all over the internet. We shouldn’t laugh at people crumbling under the weight of criticism but we couldn’t help it. That was one of the funniest reactions to a reality TV competition judging we’ve ever seen. And for the most part, we agree with her elimination. She was definitely among the worst of the entries, and the fact that she stubbornly stuck with her obsession with viscera when it clearly had nothing to do with the point of the challenge, was reason enough to send her packing. She clearly wasn’t going to blossom under the constraints of the competition.

We’ll have the rest of the extremely puzzling entries in a later post, including one or two that we felt should have been considered for the win.

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