Cannes Watch: McAdams, Thurman, Hayek

Posted on May 12, 2011

Darlings, it’s about time we opened up a Cannes of bitchass on the red carpet, yes? Allons-y! Let’s select 3 ladies from the Opening Ceremony and the “Midnight In Paris” Premiere at the Palais des Festivals and tell them what they did wrong. Why? Because it’s très amusant!

Rachel McAdams

Marchesa Fall 2011 Collection/Model: Lee Hyun Yi

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Lorenzo thought this dress was pretty and dramatic. Tom looked at Lorenzo like he has three heads. Tom doesn’t like red lace at all, so this would have been a tough sell in any case, but the, as Tom put it (using his vast knowledge of fashion terminology), “shit hanging off it” is what kills the dress for him. Great shoes, but the color seems like an odd choice. And speaking of color, honey, the uber-blonde hair basically erases all the features on your face, turning you into yet another Generic Hollywood Blonde. You’re too cute and interesting for that.

Uma Thurman

Versace Fall 2011 Collection/Model: Juju Ivanyuk

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Stunning and flawless. We wish she hadn’t covered the cutouts, but the dress is perfection on her. Fits her beautifully and has exactly the right proportions; just enough maribou without tipping over into DragLand. Also, the earrings are TO DIE and the hair is gorgeous. Uma, honey! We’re so proud of you because we know the RC is really not your thing.

Now, as gays who feel your gays aren’t always serving your needs, we must inform you that we’re a little disappointed you haven’t worked on becoming a one-name celebrity, like Oprah, Madonna, and Cher. There are no other Umas, Uma. At least not any that the rest of the world cares about. If Lindsay Lohan can announce she’s just Lindsay from now on (even though there are hundreds of thousands of Lindsays trawling the food courts of the malls of America), then we think it’s about time you insisted on “Just Uma, please.” We guarantee a year of that and you’ll be getting starring roles without any effort at all.

Salma Hayek

Gucci Première Gown

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It’s a beautiful gown, no doubt about it. It’s just that the further away from it you are, the less interesting it looks, which makes it not necessarily the best look for the red carpet. The real beauty is in the details and you have to get up close for that. Still, we’d be fools to argue that she doesn’t look beautiful here. Love the pleated skirt. LOVELOVE the earrings and bracelet. Do not love the hair but that one-shoulder look is a Hayek standard, so we’ll forgive it.

[Photo Credit: getty, wireimage,]

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