Yes, it’s How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying! The story of a sociopathic window washer whose sadistic sexual games and unrivaled ambition destroy countless lives! This one’s got a lot of plot, so strap yourselves in.
PinOur story starts here as deceptively simple-looking J. Pierpont “Ponty” Finch, heading to the kind of window-washing job where you wear a suit, picks up a copy of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. He is transformed by its life-affirming message of scruple-free ambition.PinHe wanders into the first office he can find, the headquarters of the World Wide Wicket Company, and decides to launch his schemes.PinHe immediately sleeps with the personnel director and gets hired for the mailroom.
PinPersonnel director introduces him to the local color, the gay nephew of the president of the company, plus Michelle Lee and two less attractive secretaries, Glasses and Not-Carol Burnett.
PinIt’s 1967, so all of the secretaries at the World Wide Wicket Company are husband-hunters who do no work all day. Because they’re girls.
Sad to say, we can’t find an embeddable video of this number, but by all means, click here to watch it, because if you’ve got Fosse choreographing a number entitled “A Secretary is Not a Toy,” how can you NOT watch it?
PinNot content to remain a junior executive for much longer, the outrageously ambitious schemer once again sets his sights on getting into the boss’s secretary’s big panties. In the throes of her lust, she reveals that the president will be in the office Saturday morning.
Michelle Lee, knowing a rising star when she sees one, uses the less attractive secretary to sing her way into a dinner date.
Later, she does her best Streisand impersonation for him.
PinPonty sleeps with the president of the company that Saturday morning and gets a new office out of it.
PinThe bitches in the junior executive pool hiss at him and call him the “office mattress” as he packs his things.
PinHe gets assigned the dumb secretary who’s sleeping with the president and can’t take deep breaths.
PinHe convinces her to seduce his superior, who promptly gets fired.
PinHaving destroyed the man’s life, Ponty gets his office and Not-Carol Burnett as his secretary.
PinFiguring he’s got a formula now, he sends the wheezy secretary off to seduce the next guy in the chain.
PinUnfortunately, he’s a vicious old queen who uses a cigarette holder and fires Ponty on the spot. Ponty trails him to get some dirt on him…
Pin…and finds him at the local pre-Stonewall gay and lesbian center’s talent night.
PinPonty informs the Old White Dude Posse and they throw the queer out.
PinWith the company’s reputation in ruins, Ponty gets dragged by an angry mob of old white guys in to see the Chairman of the Board. This being a musical…
He sings his way out of it.
Seriously, you have to watch this one. Robert Morse may have been playing to the back seats in this movie a bit too much, but this is one hell of a number and he owns it from top to bottom.
PinAnyway, the little sociopath sings his way out of it and the next thing you know, the chairman of the board marries Miss Foundation Garment and announces both his retirement and his replacement, who is ….well, you know.
PinPonty enters his office, which has more of a Captain Picard vibe to it, and drunk with power, asks the secretaries to get naked.
PinInstead, they send Michelle Lee in to cool him off. Everyone applauds their kissing.
PinHaving accomplished all he set out to do and realizing he needs new challenges, he ditches everything and heads to Washington to assassinate President Johnson and start a military coup to take over the government. The end.