Julia Roberts Named People Mag’s “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” for the Fifth Time

Posted on April 19, 2017

Congratulations to Julia Roberts for becoming the WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN again!

 

 

There are none more beautiful.

A brief history of Julia Roberts’ BEAUTIFUL tenure:

 

1967: Julia Roberts is born. Receives no accolades about her beauty. Yet.

1968-1990: Julia Roberts continues to exist in a pupal pre-fame state, in which her beauty goes unremarked-upon by billions.

1991: WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN Achievement Unlocked!

1992: A return to lesser beauty.

1993-1999: Famous, but not beautiful on a world-class level.

2000: WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN re-achieved!

2001-2004: Un-beautiful.

2005: Conquers the WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN mountain for a THIRD time!

2006-2009: Mediocrity.

2010: Becomes WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN again. Gives blood-curdling roar of triumph. Bites head off Sandra Bullock doll.

2011- 2016: The Dark Years.

2017: Once again, standing on the broken bodies of her lessers, Queen Julia of Beauty Mountain re-ascends to her throne as the WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. Peace in our time.

This is such a silly goddamn “tradition.”

 

[Photo Credit: People Magazine]

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