Musical Monday: White Christmas

Posted on December 24, 2016

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Darlings, it’s time once again for our annual (now in its SEVENTH EIGHTH NINTH TENTH year)  T Lo Christmas tradition, the perennial “White Christmas,” done up T Lo-style, reposted once again for all our sisters out there. For there were never such devoted sisters.

So many times over the years we wanted to edit this one because we kept thinking of new jokes or because we felt a line didn’t land the way we wanted to, but the more long-term and devoted of our Bitter Kittens would have our heads if we changed a word. Besides, we like that it’s getting so old now it stands as a sort of artifact of our earliest days of publishing together. Enjoy your holidays, kittens! And here’s to a fabulous 2014 2015 2016 2017 for one and all. Luvyameanit.


Yes, it’s White Christmas! That holiday classic featuring closeted homosexuals and child abusers and the women with eating disorders who love them!

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Our story starts with Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye as Wallace and Davis. entertaining duo and gay lovers. Okay, not lovers. Instead, they’re old foxhole buddies from the war who later teamed up to sing and dance their way to stardom and that doesn’t sound gay AT ALL.


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Like a lot of former soldiers in the ’50s, they get their kicks by going to drag shows. Unfortunately, this one features real women, The Haynes Sisters, played by Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen, in a casting salute to both bulimia and anorexia.

Honeys, if a gay man over 35 tries to tell you that they don’t know EVERY SINGLE WORD to this song, don’t believe them. Trust us on this.


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Feeling a tingle deep down inside, their inner urges take over and the boys find themselves fulfilling a lifetime longing. Badly. You just know Danny wanted desperately to try on the whole outfit.At any rate, there’s what passes for sexual tension in 1954 between the boys and the girls, and then things happen in the story after that but no one sings or dances, so it’s all a bit of a blur. The boys find themselves sitting up all night on a train to Vermont singing about, of all things, snow.



This was not Irving Berlin’s finest work. Maybe it was code for cocaine. It would explain a lot.


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“To see a great big man entirely made of snow…”

Judging by her nipplitis, Vera’s been rubbing snow all over herself.


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Hopped up on “snow,” and with no room to dance on the train, the fidgety quartet decides to make a diorama while singing at each other.


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This is your brain on drugs.

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Anyway, they arrive in Vermont and pull up to a charming little inn. Turns out it’s owned by their former commanding officer and it’s not doing so well. Probably because it’s on a sound stage.

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The girls try to mount a show but there just aren’t enough gay men in 1954 Vermont to come out and see their special form of drag. In typical musical fashion, the foursome decide to mount a huge Broadway-style show to bring in the crowds. Because huge Broadway-style shows solve EVERYTHING.

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And thus the grandest drag show Vermont’s ever seen gets mounted in a barn.

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They put poor Rosemary in some of the least flattering clothes possible, but her stage costumes in this film were gorgeous.

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Then Vera comes out. Vera scares us a little. For one, she’s literally built like a Barbie doll and secondly, she appears to want to have sex with everything. All the time.

Bitch can dance up a storm, though.

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Which is more distracting, her bizarre pelvic region or his hot ass?

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See? She wants to rip off that ugly green tuxedo and mount him right there on the stage!

Not that we can blame her. He’s hot. And that tux hurts the eyes.



Check it out. It’s the number that makes the picture. In fact, it’s such a fantastic number that it kind of sticks out in such a treacly, mediocre film.
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Just a quaint New England Inn.

Hey General! Did you ever think you’re losing money because you apparently built a massive entertainment complex in the middle of the woods? The heating bills alone are probably what did him in. What did they used to keep in this barn, elephants?

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Anyway, later that night, Bing and Rosemary meet in the bar to sing at each other about sheep and blessings while eating liverwurst sandwiches and buttermilk, which explains why she gained 300 pounds and why he beat his kids.

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The next day, Rosemary still has gas from the buttermilk and liverwurst. Bing makes a tasteless joke about her farts in front of the company and she storms off to New York. Because she’s a bitch.

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Meanwhile, Danny will only kiss Vera if she lets him call her “Larry.”

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Sexually frustrated, Vera throws caution to the wind and has sex with Guido right on the stage in front of the whole company.



Nice bulge.

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Bing runs off to New York in pursuit of Rosemary and finds her cavorting onstage with a gaggle of gay men right after she apparently took a roast out of the oven.



Fierce dress, girl. And yes, that’s George Chakiris.


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He tries to apologize to her for making fun of her farts, but she won’t hear it.

Because she’s a bitch.


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After Bing leaves, she has a sudden realization. “Shit. These skinny little New York queens I’ve been hanging out with are never gonna give me the long and hard like I know Bing can!”


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So she high-tails it back to Vermont, where she and Vera dress like men to get the boys’ motors running.


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Then, they all put on the gayest costumes ever designed.


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And try to get a 3-way going right there on stage. Vera is hurt and breaks it up. Bing is pissed.


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“Okay kids, I want you to hold those candles nice and straight, you hear me? Or I’ll beat the shit out of each and every one of you.”


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All’s well that ends well and the whole company forces local children to appear onstage with them, all of whom clearly are dying of embarrassment. Except the little boy on the right, who grew up to open a leather bar on Fire Island.






[Photo Credit: Paramount Pictures – Stills: – Video Credit: YouTube]

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  • Watching this movie right now, trying to get in the holiday spirit. And your comments are SPOT ON. I’m dying at Vera Allen being “literally built like a Barbie doll.”

  • Now, wait one second…I’m as straight as they come, figuratively and literally, and I know the words to all the songs in this movie!! To prove what I’m saying: No, I don’t think Fosse’s butt is cuter than Vera’s pelvic area…although, I must admit that she is a little strange-looking…Barbiesque!!

    • DeborahJozayt

      Don’t fret. My husband likes Cher, Kylie Minogue, Hercules and Love Affair, The Spice Girls, as well as Madonna. Does he give a damn if others think he’s gay? Nope! Rock on with your musical-loving self!

    • alyce1213

      That’s not Bob Fosse’s butt.  He’s not a dancer in this movie.

      • Call me Bee

        And the funny thing is–the choreographer in the credits is listed as “Vance”, who IS the dancer in both the Abraham and the Mandy numbers, but I can’t find any info about him.

      • joything

        I would love to know that dancer’s name. Howdy DOODY! Maybe he had a ridiculous voice or no acting skills … except when he danced. I barely saw Vera Ellen when he was in motion.

        • calonkat

          John Brascia, I believe

    • StarburstLady

      Did you ever notice that Vera’s neck isn’t visible at any point in time in the movie? In when she’s in pajamas, they managed to find her high-necked pajamas. What was being hidden?

      • MK03

        I think high-necked costumes were her trademark.

      • DTLAFamilies

        She was anorexic and it’s believed that her neck made it obvious something was wrong, hence the turtlenecks.

        • Nicole Little

          Thanks DTLAFamilies. That clears that up.

        • Cpt_Justice

          Yes; the two women were supposed to have identical costumes – like Kaye & Crosby, but Vera’s needed something to hide her neck.

  • This was worth waking up early (by accident) for!  I got hooked on T and Lo back in the Project Rungay days, and always loved the Musical Mondays.  Thank you, boys, for this Christmas Eve smile and many, many others. Your bitter kittens love you, Daddy and Papa!

    Also, the costume designer apparently loved the idea of women farting tulle.  Rosemary and Vera’s stage costumes are rife with it.  Apparently, the fins on cars AND women were bigger in 1954.

    • sk8tfan

      I’ve always thought Michael Jackson got his inspiration for the glittery white glove from this movie.

      • JulieTy

        ME TOO!!!!!

    • lovelyivy

       Musical Mondays are definitely the old school TLo feature I would MOST like to see make a comeback!

      •  Yes, I second that! Please bring back Musical Mondays, so many more musicals you haven’t reviewed!   This one is so funny!

        • harmony24

           Yes please, please more of Musical Mondays! Or at least please post the originals. They are genius and I’ve missed them so much! Happy new year, T and Lo!

          • FunButNutz

            I agree 200%! How many years has it been since the last Musical Monday?

          • Therese Pace Tuley

            Also wanted to add that your Musical Mondays feature has been a bonding experience for my daughters and me. Once my grandsons are a few years older, we look forward to introducing them to your wit and whimsey.

      • H2olovngrl

        Can we have Meet Me in Saint Louis for New Year’s? Or maybe The Sound of Music? Those two are my favorites!

        • lillyvonschtupp

          Yes! Besides, I thought that you guys once considered trecking into Fred and Ginger RKO territory.

        • Elizabeth Szubert

          If we’re putting it to a vote, I’m for Meet Me in Saint Louis. 🙂

      • Therese Pace Tuley

        Yes, PLEASE, to the musical posts! So original and witty. Thank you for sharing your great sense of humor and keeping these old school musicals on the radar. XXOO and happy 2015!

  • Note to Self: Do not post before imbibing coffee.  Ever.

    • DeborahJozayt

      I’ve learned to eat and have everything cleared a good 15 minutes before coming to TLo. I’ve gone through 2 keyboards because of this site..

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Merry Christmas, TLo!  Thank you for bringing joy throughout the year to the all the little bitter kittens of the world.  Hope you have a wonderful holiday!

  • Merry Christmas TLo & the pusscats. Merry Christmas bitter kittens and PUFs.

  • LOVE

  • Donald Wannagat

    OMG. My favorite movie and I will never watch it again without thinking about how hard I laughed at this. Yinz guys (I’m from Pittsburgh) are the best. Happy Holidays! (P.S. I’m Mary, not Donald)

    • BobStPaul

       My family always spelled it younz.  🙂

      • AZU403

        I always thought it was “youens”.
        Happy holidays to you and yours, guys!

    • Dorothy & Michael n/a

      I’m from PIttsburgh too and you got the pronunciation perfectly right, Donald. YINZ it IZ!

  • sleepycat

    Since I was a young gay boy, I have always wanted to open a nightclub with floorshows (and now drag shows) and classy dancing. That should have been a signal that I was gay, but alas I was too deep in denial. Thanks to your commentary I think you are spot on. I am going to forward this to my mother. We always put this on to fall asleep and somehow we manage to fall asleep by the two left feet number. Sorry for the long comment, but what about the choreography number. That always spooked me. lol Thanks for your warm and always hilarious Xmas greeting!

    Edit: My ex also staged the Sister’s song for a Sister “Mary Theresa” who was retiring, while doing in habit drag.

    • OffToSeeHim

      Sleepycat, have you ever seen Holiday Inn? Bing Crosby was basically living your dream – and mine!

      • sleepycat

        other than the fact that is a highly racist film, I think that would be kinda fun

        • OffToSeeHim

          It wouldn’t be so bad if they’d just for the love of God cut out that “Lincoln’s Birthday” holiday! I know it was a different time, but I think that scene is the reason you don’t see that film popping up around the holidays.

  • Corsetmaker

    Aw I love that film. And I’ve always loved that black dress of Rosemary Clooney’s.
    The song Sisters reminds me of my Gran and her sister singing it at my grandparent’s golden wedding anniversary party.

    • akprincess72

      I always wanted that black New York dress, when I was a little girl I loved it & still do now…

      • IMNAngryLiberal

        Same here .. when I was a little girl, that was my idea of GLAMOUR. Now I am a not even close to little girl and it still is!

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        That black dress is to.die.for. Love, love. It’s in my fantasy closet of dresses to wear to fantasy black tie events.

      • Donna Tabor

        Yes! It would be a perfect LBD even today. Timeless.

    • Donna Tabor

      Just yesterday, I read that Rosemary Clooney sang both parts of Sisters because Vera Ellen couldn’t sing. Which might be why it’s in such wonderfully close harmony.

  • pattyw

    OK, TLo, answer me this — why do we NEVER see Vera’s neck?

    • MissKimP

      Perhaps…she has an Adam’s apple!

    • tripletmom96

      pattyw – by the time she made white christmas, vera ellen was thought to be very seriously anorexic.  it is thought that her neck and arms were kept covered to disguise the premature aging that is common with anorexia, not to mention how skeletal her whole chest area must have looked – a particularly undesirable look for that era….

    • That was because of her anorexia. I read somewhere that her neck was so thin and bony I don’t know the medically correct way of putting that) that even the costume designers knew it wasn’t right, so they and she aways tried to hide it. It’s sad, because she was extremely talented!

      • There’s no proof she had anorexia. People were significantly smaller in the 1950’s and had much lower body fat because the food wasn’t filled with additives/vitamins and because portions were significantly smaller. If you look at any vintage clothing from that period up close, you’ll notice how small people were. Also, she was primarily a dancer for a film studio. She probably rehearsed a ton and that could mean she had a pretty high metabolism because she was simply quite active. Combine all that with weight limits that the studios had back then and you get someone who is pretty darn thin. Another thought – people assume she had anorexia, when a much more plausible reason for her thinness would be a hyperactive thyroid. There’s more than one reason for someone to be thin. I dare any modern woman to dance like that in heels like that and not lose tons of weight. Look at all the celebrities who go on Dancing with the Stars and come off it saying they lost weight.

    • BrooklynBomber
  • Merry Christmas from the old continent guys! All the best to all the BK’s! xx

  • Jennifer Coleman

    Ahhh, some much needed Christmas humor! You’ve captured every off-kilter thought I’ve had about this movie and then some. If I could, I’d pay you two to make an audio commentary to this movie, like you find in DVD sets. It’d be genius. Happy Holidays, Lovlies!

  • That was awesome! Never watched the movie and definitely enjoyed the photo/video recap.

    Meanwhile, thank you for adding another word into my vocabulary list: diorama. Much appreciated.

    Merry Christmas, T+Lo!

  • I saw this movie for the first time last summer at a “Christmas in July” party, and I totally didn’t realize it is, in fact, The Gayest Movie Ever. Then again, the party was full of conservative Christian types. For the record, I am quite the opposite of that, but the hostess is SO sweet and never mentions religion around me. Does that make it okay?  I wonder what they’d say if I showed them this post….

    (Also, I’m heading to Dallas in a few hours, where the forecasts say we might actually have a white Christmas. Imagine that! Thanks for the early holiday present, TLo!)

    • akprincess72

      I’m conservative Christian & I laughed my butt off!  A sense of humor is okay to have & loving all is even better!  MAybe they just enjoy your company?!  Enjoy Dallas in the snow, it’s fun to watch people spin at the lights because they refuse to let up on the gas…  Happy Holidays!

  • captrenault

    I’ve somehow never seen this, and now I MUST.  Thanks, TLo!  This is the bestest Christmas gift EVAR!

  • Anathema_Device

    I love you guys so much. Thanks for keeping this cherished tradition alive.

  • pugluv

    Best Christmas post EVER!!!!!! I know the words to Sisters…What does that say about me???  Nothing better than camp to put me in the holiday mood.  Thank you TLO!!!!

  • It’s awfully early to be putting liquor in the egg nog. But you’ve inspired me.

    • formerlyAnon

      Early?! You come from abstemious people.

  • MoHub

    This posting is the highlight of my holiday season every year! Never stop posting it!

  • I love love love your Musical Mondays.  I re-read all of them every few months.

    If you guys ever bring them back and recap Some Like it Hot, I will literally explode from happiness.

  • alyce1213

    Thank you for this hilarious post.  I’ve always thought of this movie as high camp. I much prefer 1942’s Holiday Inn. I never noticed how emaciated Vera Ellen is in this movie, certainly by 1954 standards.  Scary.

  • SewingSiren

    I wonder if the kid that opened leather bar on Fire Island reads TLO. I’ll put money on him being a regular poster.

  • janierainie

    Merry Christmas Uncles! So funny!

  • annieanne

    Ah! My Christmas preparations are complete. TLo’s musical tribute to Vermont this morning. Later today I’ll watch the movie.
    Thanks guys!

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      At some point during this holiday season I’ll be watching this movie and then re-reading TLo’s delicious deconstruction of it! Merry Christmas to TLo and all of the Bitter Kittens!

  • I wish Musical Mondays would come back! They made me laugh harder than anything.

  • Little_Olive

    Oh, such a merry Christmas now! 

    And Marry Christmas to all the unborn fawns out there. 

  • bertkeeter

    Clooney’s black velevet gown is ‘The bomb”! Would enjoy White Xmas if that abusive father and wife beater ,SOB… Bing Crosby, wasn’t in it!

  • Thank you so much for this.  I’m sending it to my sisters, to make their holidays cheery!

  • MzzPants

    Best Christmas gift ever.  Merry Christmas, TLo!

  • Le_Sigh

    YESSSSSSS!!!!  Oh how I’ve missed these – TLo Classique!

  • Excuse me for having foreign parents, but I used to enjoy liverwurst sandwiches as a child… Never drank buttermilk though.

    • Call me Bee

      I still do!  On dark rye with a slab o’ onion.  Germany on my plate…

  • Thanks for this guys! Oh, how I’ve missed Musical Mondays. Merry Christmas from this Bitter kitten and her cats to you and your cats!

  • Qitkat

    When I was a (very young and naive) 13-year old, my dad’s company threw a Christmas party for all the employee’s kids, and showed this movie in a rented auditorium, more than 50 (ouch!) years ago. My brothers, 11 and 5, and I, did not especially enjoy ourselves, and this Musical Mondays recap has enlightened me in many ways! *Thanks for the memories, she said wryly.*

    Merry Christmas to TLo and their kitties, and to all my fellow Bitter Kittens!
    Looks like Denver will also have a white Christmas. yay!

  • BeaDee

    We watched this the other night and my most repeated comment was, “Why can’t Edith Head costume my life???” I want Rosemary’s black dress. And the dark green one. And Vera Ellen’s black and white skirt… 

    • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

       Edith Head was one reason I wanted to direct film, so she’d work for me just once before she died! The woman was a frakking genius!

  • Thank you thank you thank you thank you for reposting this! I was raised watching this movie (along with “Holiday Inn”) every holiday season and can’t tell you how happy your synopsis makes me.  I loved it last year and it’s even better today

    “Okay kids, I want you to hold those candles nice and straight, you hear me? Or I’ll beat the shit out of each and every one of you.”

    DEAD.  I am dead.

    Thank you TLo and please have a happy holiday!!

    • jonnyf8

      Holiday Inn is so much better — if only Danny Kaye and Vera Ellen had been in it.

  • jonnyf8

    You guys need to bring back Musical Mondays — and maybe you could look at some more current attempts.  I would love to see your take on Dreamgirls and esp. NINE.  And I know most of us are going to end up going to see Annie Hathaway and Huge Ackman this week even though we all agree that Les Mis is the most craptastic thing ever to hit the stage.

  • baxterbaby

    “God Bless us, everyone!”

  • Merry Christmas to our Uncles and all the Kittens (Bitter and otherwise) from a grateful lurker.  Thank you for the Musical Monday post.  

  • voter1

    I will never watch “White Christmas” again with out thinking about your post.  Thanks.

  • formerlyAnon

    Thank-you fellas. This has been one of my holiday traditions (and mid-year pick-me-ups) since you first posted it. Somehow it just enhances my annual devotion to the movie itself. (Probably going to watch for the third time this year tonight while last-minute-baking.)

    Merry Christmas (or happy non-Christmas) to one and all!

  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    thanks guys.  

  • Cydne Butler

    Merry Christmas from this long-time unborn fawn who has graduated to bitter kitten.  Thanks for making my days brighter all year long but I expecially thank you for this old Musical Monday post (this is one of my favorites!)  Best to you in the New Year!
    Cyd Charise

  • The BEST REVIEW OF WHITE CHRISTMAS EVER!!! Thanks & Merry Christmas.

  • Markatha

    This is one Christmas Treat I end up re-watching Year after Year. 
    It’s a fun holiday film to have on while Gift-wrapping, Card Writing, Holiday Housecleaning etc. 
     I love the gorgeous colors in this film, the costumes, the music, the camp, the cheese & Mary Wicks. 
     Nothing better.  I try to skip it some years but that little gay boy inside won’t let me.
    It’s just too much fun (we’re watching today). 
    Thanks for the post Boys and have a Very Merry Christmas!

  • I love this movie. My girlfriends and I use to get together every Christmas to watch and to comment on how Danny’s socks always matched his pants.

    • formerlyAnon

      That socks thing is probably one of my favorite things, after the dancing itself.

      • Jackie4g

        What about all those dyed to match shoes? Danny’s grey suede and the Mandy scene dancer’s sage green, not to mention the Mandy scene dancers with their darker green. Loved that detail the most, after of course, Rosemary’s black dress.

  • Kate4queen

    I still love this movie despite agreeing with everything you say LOL Happy christmas everyone!!

  • What is with those sparkly gloves? Did  Michael Jackson win them in a Hollywood auction?

  • OK, guys – you did not mention my favorite fashion moment, which is Danny Kaye dancing with Vera Ellen to “The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing” because…his shoes match his damn suit. In suede. That’s right – light blue suede shoes and a light blue suit. From the WTF collection…

    • formerlyAnon

      The shoes and the suit AND the socks. Had a conversation with friends the other day about production values and costuming revolving around that very number.

      • Jackie4g

        I just posted about that detail, a full year after you did! I didn’t realize the re-print of the White Christmas review also included the original comments. Ah well, they’re all still true!

    • Kylara7

      That’s a beautifully choreographed and danced number…one of my favorites.  They were pretty progressive/avant garde there in the 50s, combining classical, ballroom, and tap moves with early pole dancing.  😉

  • Angela Langdale

    Oooooh, I’m feelin’ the Holly Jolly Christmas Spirit now ~ and I’m wishing you both a Big Fat Gay Holiday with oodles of joy!

  •  dying of awesome boys, dying of awesome…

  • BrooklynBomber

    Happy whatever you celebrate (or not), everybody! ♥♥♥ -BB

  • whitrome

    This Musical Monday edition has become a Christmas tradition for me. I drool over Bing and marvel at vera’s acrobatics, but I must admit, your special interpretation is even more entertaining than this, one of my favorite Christmas movies ever! Thanks boys, and Merry Christmas to you!

  • Classic!

    I miss Musical Mondays (vagina hats and all). You should bring them all out of mothballs for a series.

    Happy Holidays to all!


  • altalinda

    Merry Christmas, TLo, you bring me great joy, a lot of laughs, and food for thought throughout the year.  Have a wonderful holiday.

  • Aw, Merry Christmas, you two.

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    This is my favorite Christmas movie, all 50’s kitsch and false wholesomeness. Love a lot of the music, all the choreography (throw Vera down those stairs and catch her, you twinkie bitches!) and the costumes. I still want Rosemary’s black velvet dress, minus the oven gloves!

    • I love the gowns she and Vera-Ellen wore in Sisters.

  • I bet that grandest drag show in Vermont is not the only thing that was mounted in that barn in Vermont!! LOL.
    Also, that horrendous song “We Love Him”, as all these soldiers are singing that to the General. Can you imagine men in the Armed Forces actually singing that in real life?? Egads. That and the way Bing wears his officer’s hat cocked to one side……..I keep wanting Dean Jagger to knock it  off of his head, and as Bing goes to pick it up, Dean kicks Bing’s ass and tells him to wear the hat the way a soldier would actually wear the hat.

  • MK03

    We just closed our production of White Christmas in Denver and I thought of this entry almost every day. Never fails to make me laugh.

  • Dagney

    Vera Allen canNOT dance you guys.  She can move decently, but that lady has no dance technique.

    • Of course she has technique. In fact, she was known for having such precision that she didn’t command enough warmth. She demonstrates some pretty fine tap and swing technique in White Christmas, and a lot of range across numerous films. Gene Kelly himself said that Vera was the best all-round dancer he worked with, at least according to his wife Patricia. I think I’ll trust Gene to know what “dancing” is, and that Vera did more than just, you know, “move.”

  • rainwood1

    I love this tradition!!  Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister, and Lord help the sister who comes between me and my T Lo.  As for everyone else, raindrops on roses and you bitter kittens are a few of my favorite things.

    Merry Christmas and happy hoiidays to all! 

  • TheDivineMissAnn

    Lately I have just been lurking and not posting, but just wanted to wish TLo and all the UBF and BK’s a very, very Happy Christmas and New Year.

    A special shout to NDCCentral, hope all is going well with you!

  • Call me Bee

    I love this movie (and all those sappy 50s musicals…) know every move and every note–even the dialog.  (“You’re much more exciting than my cocker spaniel…”) I try not to get too cynical about them, despite the backstories. 
    Merry Christmas, Gentelmen, and to all the PUF/BK’s, too.  🙂 

  • margaret meyers

    I can’t even enjoy how gauche this movie is.  I love old movies, but this is a stinker.  Go with Holiday Inn, even with the Abraham Lincoln dark-face number.

  • LittleKarnak

    LOL! Several of my patients were watching this on Christmas Eve and the whole time I was thinking of your review!!! Merry Christmas!!!!

  • Merry Christmas, y’all!

  • ccm800

    Merry Christmas Philly Fellows!  

  • BuffaloBarbara

    And yes, that’s George Chakiris.

    You guys are scaring me.  When did you learn to read my mind?

  • Melvis Velour

    I could see this as a holiday movie but the Wizard of Oz which has somehow turned into an Xmas tradition?  I would love to see TLo’s synopsis of that…

    Happy holidays BKs and best wishes for a healthy, happy and prosperous 2013!

  • If we ever see George Clooney in drag he will look exactly like his Aunt Rosemary

  • quiltrx

    You guys are the best!  I love this movie, but it is just sitting there waiting for the gay-MST3K treatment, isn’t it?  Thank you for the HUGE laughs before I go back to work today. 🙂

  • FashionShowAtLunch

    I’m fairly certain Vera-Ellen had a rib removed.

  • librarygrrl64

    Reading this after stuffing my face with Christmas leftovers was NOT a good idea! I miss Musical Mondays (maybe one for Les Mis???), and I adore you both. THANK YOU!!! xxxooo

  • adnama79

    I sent a link to this post to my sister last year or some other year, and it took her 3 weeks to forgive me.  We watched this movie endlessly (year round) as kids, performed the sisters routine regularly…  I thought she’d love this post.  Apparently I’m not allowed to poke fun.  White Christmas is apparently a sacrament.  I never would’ve known, without this post.  Which made me laugh for 5 solid minutes.

  • Thomas Rosenberger

    Gay and over 35 here. Do not know the lyrics to “Sisters”. Enough with projecting “gay” cliches and stereotypes. You do a disservuce to others and are behaving like Uncle Toms.

    • Pennymac

      And you, Mr. Rosenberger, are a doody head.

    • Get a hold of yourself. Mary. Your slip is showing.

  • Markatha

    I happen to know a lot of over 35 gays, including me, who do know the lyrics to “Sisters” and I love them for it. 
    I grew up when “gay” was another word for “happy” not someone like me. 
    Others like me (stereotypes or not) were invisable, unspeakable & “non-existant”. 
    I’m actually proud of those Cliches & Stereotypes for making me laugh & paving the way. 
    If (prougly) knowing the lyrics to “Sisters” makes me a gay cliche that’s okay with me. 
    Be careful Thomas, you seem to be getting dangerously close to becoming the stereotypical, bitchy, “Mean Queen” cliche.

  • Kylara7

    I love this movie, for both the cheesy text and the delightfully subversive (for the times) subtext.  My family watched this movie every holiday season and now I do too.  My dad used to sing the “Sisters” song as an accompaniment to childhood fights between me and my sister…and we still love it!  If only life were more like a classic musical…I want to dress up in fantastic dresses and sing/dance in swanky nightclubs and sound stage farms 😛

  • juliesd


  • Ooh, thank you for this.  I miss Musical Mondays, please bring them back!

  • IMNAngryLiberal

    1) Merry Christmas, T&Lo!
    2) Rosemary Clooney’s black New York dress was and always will be my definition of GLAMOUR!!!
    3) Olivia Newton John and John Travolta are talking about remaking this movie — someone needs to stop them, pleassssse.  I’m pretty sure that would be the end of the world that the Mayans predicted.

    • Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta remaking the film would be just horrible.  Olivia N-J can’t sing AT ALL and I don’t think I’ve ever watched an entire movie with J Travolta in it.  Yes, that includes Saturday Night Fever and those Look Who’s Talking flicks.

      • I agree that an Olivia and John remake would probably be a bad film, but I take umbrage with the idea that Olivia Newton-John “can’t sing AT ALL.” She can sing perfectly fine. Without the aid of auto-tune, she sang multiple pop songs while remaining in tune, and had some musical range, demonstrating control of her voice when necessary. (Contrast, for instance, the light soprano of I Honestly Love You with a few throaty moments in A Little More Love, when she reveals more of her lower register.) Her breathless head voice may not be to everyone’s liking, but matters of taste cannot be reduced to “she can’t sing AT ALL,” as if that’s the end of the matter. Do you not like her singing? Sure–fair enough. But she can, indeed, sing; she is not a wailing hyena bereft of an understanding of pitch and rhythm. 

  • Yay! I love that you reposted this. I saw it on Netflix a couple weeks ago, watched it, and then found the post in your archives. It was a great reread. Hilarious.

  • Mistie Holler

    When you liten to ‘snow’ and imagine they’re referring to cocaine, it becomes so much more entertaining. “To see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow…”

  • Michelle

    And you say nothing about the butt broach on the black dress?!?!?!  Missed opportunity for sarcasm there.

  • Angela Phebus

    I insist on watching White Christmas every year but your version is by FAR the best!

  • VivianAdvanced

    It’s after Christmas now and I’m just reading this. Thank you, T&L, because I opted not to watch “White Christmas” this year because my sister, with whom I ALWAYS view it, could not be with me this Christmas and I just didn’t want to see it without her. This way, I could relive it in just a few hilarious seconds. I love Rosie’s Edith Head gowns in this movie (it was Edith Head, wasn’t it, who designed them?) and wish that there were really clubs that looked like the Carousel Club where she was dancing with George Chakiris. However, how could you not mention how absolutely hunky Bing looked in his white T-shirt in that dressing room scene? Bing’s built like something a partridge would have been pecking on while sitting in the pear tree! And how could you not mention Danny Kaye’s and Vera Ellen’s delightful dance number, “The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing”? In all seriousness, it’s one of my favorite dance routines in all filmdom and it’s always bypassed in any old Hollywood classic dance clips. And then there’s Dean (no relation to Mick) Jagger, who refers to Bing as “son” even though he’s either younger or not much older than Bing. And then there’s the picture of Alfalfa as an adult that’s supposed to be Rosie and Vera’s brother. And then there’s annoying Mary Wickes, who’s responsible for the highly infuriating misunderstanding Rosie and BIng have. Actually, the snow song is genius compared to that “What Do They Do with a General?” ditty that Irving Berlin must have composed while he was sitting on the toilet. I love this wonderful, awful movie! Next year, I’ll watch it in its entirety.

  • VivianAdvanced

    It’s after Christmas now and I’m just reading this. Thank you, T&L, because I opted not to watch “White Christmas” this year because my sister, with whom I ALWAYS view it, could not be with me this Christmas and I just didn’t want to see it without her. This way, I could relive it in just a few hilarious seconds. I love Rosie’s Edith Head gowns in this movie (it was Edith Head, wasn’t it, who designed them?) and wish that there were really clubs that looked like the Carousel Club where she was dancing with George Chakiris. However, how could you not mention how absolutely hunky Bing looked in his white T-shirt in that dressing room scene? Bing’s built like something a partridge would have been pecking on while sitting in the pear tree! And how could you not mention Danny Kaye’s and Vera Ellen’s delightful dance number, “The Best Things Happen While You’re Dancing”? In all seriousness, it’s one of my favorite dance routines in all filmdom and it’s always bypassed in any old Hollywood classic dance clips. And then there’s Dean (no relation to Mick) Jagger, who refers to Bing as “son” even though he’s either younger or not much older than Bing. And then there’s the picture of Alfalfa as an adult that’s supposed to be Rosie and Vera’s brother. And then there’s annoying Mary Wickes, who’s responsible for the highly infuriating misunderstanding Rosie and BIng have. Actually, the snow song is genius compared to that “What Do They Do with a General?” ditty that Irving Berlin must have composed while he was sitting on the toilet. I love this wonderful, awful movie! Next year, I’ll watch it in its entirety.

  • JeffNYC

    The guy who dances with Vera-Ellen. His name was John Brascia. He was a phenomenal dancer.

  • KevinRaymondSpicer

    How could you not mention the “Choreography” number?  The send-up of Martha Graham was hysterical!

  • Thank you, Thank you, thank you…PLEASE bring back Movie Musical Mondays….all the emphasis on no talent tweeners and pseudo actors and actresses is not NEARLY as fun…please go back to your roots!!

  • jennsilentcrow

    aw come on. Have a heart.
    a. You didnt even mention Rosemary’s military cross step. MAybe the worst dancer ever.
    b.Vera is trying her best on 2 stalks of celery and who knows what god awful diet drugs, and treachea clenching necklines.
    c. I’ll never forgive you for making fun of SNOW.
    d. agreed on that black number for rosemary.

  • I’ll tell you all You have to see this movie on Blu-Rey, it is spectacular in a technicolor way. One of my favorite holiday movies of all time, even if it is a lot campy. 

  • Ariel

    I still don’t know how you can have a post about White Christmas and not talk about the weird pole-dancing part on the pier. I’m totally scarred for life because of it.

  • Anna_Cecilia

    This NEVER gets old, I still laugh my ass off at, “Except the little boy on the right, who grew up to open a leather bar on Fire Island.”

    I’m one of the few people (dumb) enough to show up to work the day after an ice storm, so this provided some much needed cheer. Thanks!

  • marlie

    White Christmas is my favorite holiday movie, as sappy as it is, but this kills me every time. Thanks, TLo!

    • random_poster

      Mine too. I have a soft spot for Danny Kaye.

  • Jessica Freeman

    So happy the Uncles introduced me to this movie. I basically watch it on repeat the entire season and chuckle along with TLo’s commentary in my head.

    Merry Holidays to the Uncles and Bitter Kittens!

  • ballerinawithagun

    Thank you and Merry Christmas! My sister and I had the “Sisters” song memorized, of course.
    And Happy Birthday to me! My birthday is Christmas Eve. Fortunately, champagne and cooking go very well together! Any one else with the formerly dreaded Christmas Eve or Christmas Day birthdays?

    • marlie

      Happy birthday!! My sister’s birthday is Christmas Day, so we’ve been serving birthday cake at Christmas dinner for as long as I can remember. (And mine is the day before Valentine’s Day, which is also a “loaded” holiday for a birthday.)

    • random_poster

      Happy Birthday!

    • formerlyAnon

      Happy Birthday! Hope it’s fun even if under-recognized.

    • Suse

      My dear hubby’s birthday is also the 24th. Happy Birthday to you both! My grandparents were married on Christmas day around 1910.

  • ashtangajunkie

    This post is as essential to the holidays as Martha Stewart’s gingerbread recipe and drinking before noon. Happy Christmas!

  • MoHub

    I never get tired of this! Please never stop rerunnning it!

  • Kelly

    “What Do You Do With A General Who’s Retired?” has to be the lowest low-low-low point of Irving Berlin’s career.

    Merry Christmas and happy-whatever-you-celebrate to you all.

  • formerlyAnon

    Thank-you, thank-you! I know I can (and do) go back to the archives but it’s not the same thing as a post with a few words from TLo. This is my very favorite since the very first time, thanks tons and always. And hoping you and yours are having a happy holiday season.

  • boweryboy

    I love this! White Christmas has never been the same since, and that’s a good thing.

  • AuntHo

    TLo, you just gave this scrooge a reason for the season. FINALLY something to squee about with the rest of them! God you’re beautiful.

  • Lucie Smith

    Always my favorite. Now I’m finally in the holiday spirit. My husband finally watched this year with me and I think he found my commentary amusing. (I always have to say ‘THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS!’) I had to finally tell him while I might be witty, I’m just not that good and read him the full post afterwards.

  • Billie_Dawn

    Even though I know it’s coming, “This is your brain on drugs” gets me every time. EVERY. TIME.

  • Valdri8

    I now refer to this as “Whites Only Christmas”, but I know every word and still cry like a mofo at the ending. Dammit.

    • marlie

      You’re joking about the remake, right? RIGHT?!

      • demidaemon

        I sincerely hope so!

  • mjude

    So excited to see this posted. Cant believe I have been reading it for 7 years! MERRY CHRISTMAS BITTER KITTENS. you all make my day especially on the days I need them! 🙂 TLO thanks for 2013

  • DKBB

    This is the gift that just keeps on giving. Thank you, TLo, and a very Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  • brown-eyed girl

    Oh, how I love you, TLo!

  • MilaXX

    Just remembered who made the original Walter Mitty movie.(Danny Kaye) I’d been meaning to google, but was too lazy.

    • MoHub

      And even that was a distortion of the original Thurber story. I’d love to see Mitty done as written.

      • MilaXX

        I’ve never read the original. Maybe I’ll add it to my book list.

        • MoHub

          It’s just a short story. And Mitty is a middle-aged married man with an overbearing wife who escapes into his imagination because his life sucks.

  • random_poster

    I watched this on TV the other night, and was thrilled to see it re-posted today. Thanks for doing so!

    TLo: I would love to read the new jokes and edits you’ve thought of making. Do please consider a White Christmas v. 2.0!

    • UsedtobeEP

      Agree, agree. New posts are always welcome. How can you tease us like that…

  • IMNAngryLiberal

    I find it hysterical that my tattooed, edgy, cynical daughter LOVES, LOVES,LOVES this movie. Our Christmas Eve movie marathon this year is White Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street (the B&W version, of course), and Christmas in Connecticut.

  • Anathema_Device

    Oh, T Lo. this is a classic for a reason. Even though I’ve read it any number of times, I always guffaw at the line about Clooney taking the roast out of the over. Thanks for the Christmas cheer, Bitter Kitten style!

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Oh, my! After finishing yet another batch of butter cookies, I needed this! Uncles, you’re right-never change a word-this is a fab Christmas traditon!
    BTW-Vera does look like she’d have done every guy on the stage-and Guido was hot!

    • formerlyAnon

      You’re a one-woman bake shop! Hope you get a breath before the day.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        I confess to enjoying the baking, and sharing the cookies with friends, family and neighbors. Later today I’ll be off to see “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum” in D.C., with dinner at Jaleo before the show!

        • demidaemon

          We’re going to be baking up a storm here at Chez Demidaemon as well. Last night we made all the doughs that needed chilling, so this week will be a rollout and bake marathon as well as a couple more cookies that don’t need the chilling, including a new recipe from King Arthur Flour.

  • Alan

    Yes! Musical Mondays were what got me hooked here and I still miss them. While I’ll always wish there were more it’s good to be reminded of the good old days.

  • Jennifer L.

    Vera Ellen could DANCE like nobody’s business!

  • mindo820

    Dear Uncle T and Uncle Lo, PLEASE DO HOLIDAY INN NEXT!!!!! Love, Bitter Mindo

  • meowing

    Every year I laugh harder and harder at this. Just saw the movie a few nights ago, and I wondered when/if you’d re-post this classic. Merry Christmas, TLo!

  • Clueless_Jock

    Hilarious! Merry Christmas 🙂

  • Daxx2513

    Ah, sweet memories! You’re now right up there with the Rankin Bass specials as something to wait for each year. Has it been that long?

  • Lenora Dody

    I miss Musical Mondays; it always made Mondays so much better and this one is a classic. Thanks for the repost!

  • carolynmo

    Yea!! NOW. It’s Christmas! I love this post. Thanks, guys. Merry Christmas to one and all!

  • Okay. Now you’ve posted the old version, may we please see the new version with the extras jokes? Because I love to compare the old and new.

  • trisker

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this every single year!! Merry Christmas TLo!

  • fnarf

    Bravo! Bravissimo! Your review is perfect, and like all the best TLo action is better than the movie it is commenting on. And in the process shows why movies like this are so fabulous they don’t have to be “good”. Modern movies just can’t compete with magic like this, however ridiculous it may be.

  • Jacob Bowen

    The young gays are memorizing “Sisters” too! My sister and I were going to do a duet of it at my college senior voice recital, but due to a lack of amazing powder blue feathered fans, I couldn’t proceed. Now I MUST watch this movie tonight and read the review along with it!

    • Anna_Cecilia

      I always mean to read the review whenever the movie is on, I need to make more of an effort to remember to do it this year. Those “amazing powder blue feathered fans” are literally made of awesome, I want one for myself. Hope you and your sister get to do the duet one day!

  • Judy_J

    Thank you for this Christmas gift you don’t have to wrap. My favorite Christmas movie done TLo-style. For years my brother and I would watch this movie and make similar comments….it’s just like you were there with us. Merry Christmas!

  • Democracy Diva

    Every year I forget that you wonderful men do this post. And every year it’s the best part of this lil’ Jew’s Christmas. A very happy holidays to you and all of your loved ones, TLo. May the new year bring you even more success and happiness!

  • Hooray! Reading this has become one of my favorite holiday traditions! Also, once again, I am missing Musical Mondays. Merry Christmas, TLo and fellow kittens!

  • demidaemon

    Heee. I look forward to this post every year. We’ll probably watch this movie again post-Christmas and I will have to do my best to not think about this post while watching it. Merry Christmas, everyone!

  • Kate4queen

    Thank you. you just made my Christmas. 🙂 x

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    Reading this post is one of my newer traditions. And watching ‘White Christmas’ is one of my olds ones. Have a safe and joyous holiday, kittens. Merry Christmas, TLo!

  • Jonquil

    Musical Monday! It’s a Christmas miracle!

  • Suse

    More good Christmas movies: Christmas in Connecticut (Barbara Stanwyck as faux Martha Stewart), Remember the Night (BS as a con, with Fred MacMurray), No Man of Her Own (BS – great noirish flick not totally Christmasy, but sort of). Can you tell I love Barbara?

  • lillyvonschtupp

    I miss Musical Mondays! Can you guys resurrect it in 2014, pretty please?

  • dellagraceslife

    Supposedly Barbie was modeled after Vera Ellen. Too lazy to verify this, however.

    • boweryboy

      Barbie was modeled after the German Bild Lilli doll. I only know this because my very first BF was a Barbie fanatic.

  • CeeQ

    hahahahaha oh fucking hell, I read this every year and every year I give myself an asthma attack laughing. I don’t even have asthma.
    “…gaggle of gay men…” LOL. Best.

  • Jacqueline Wessel

    When I got to my sister’s house today my brother-in-law was watching this movie. I thought of this post and had a secret chuckle. And now here it is again. Love that.

    Merry Holidays, everybody.

  • rainwood1

    I watched WC on TV last week, and looked up the T Lo commentary afterwards just to enjoy it again. The finale number is always where I think of you two the most, T Lo.

    And I learned a fun fact. Although someone I hadn’t heard of dubbed most of Vera Ellen’s singing, Rosemary Clooney actually did both parts of “Sisters” which is my favorite number.

    Have a wonderful holiday, everyone!

  • Sunraya

    Bing Crosby, “or I’ll beat the shit out of each and every one of you”! This line still makes me laugh hysterically even after all of these years!
    Thanks TLo, you are the best!

  • BitterOldQueen

    Greatest holiday movie ever (“It’s a Wonderful Life” is weepy and treacly and full of socialist propaganda about taking care of each other–who needs all that preachiness? “A Christmas Movie” is a direct plagiarism of my childhood in the mid-1960s but set in the 1940s just to make me feel old, so it’s vile and evil; “Miracle on 34th Street” is a preposterous salute to the functionally insane; and Scrooge’s fixation on Tiny Tim always smacked uncomfortably of pedophilia). Also possibly the gayest musical ever (and I’m looking at you, “My Fair Lady”)

  • Elsewhere1010

    The only problem with this movie? No vagina hats.

    Remember when you boys coined the term vagina hat? That’s when I fell in love with both of you. And then immediately watched The Harvey Girls…

  • MarieLD

    I’m going to show the dancing scenes to my 8 year old niece, who loves dance, but her mom has her enrolled in classes called “pom” and they watch Dance Moms. <>

    • MoHub


    • Guest

      Really?? I mean, Coat Porn and shoe porn are funny for grownups, but associating the word with anything to do with children is appalling.

      • MarieLD

        heehee. POM, not PORN. That would be awful. And pom, which involves pom poms, ala cheerleading, is bad enough. She also does lyrical and ballet, but I would love for her to do tap.

  • Sarah

    Yay TLo and Merry Christmas everyone! Have drinks, get mad for not getting the three-or-four-gay-or-straight-way sex you wanted, then put on a show! THAT’S a holiday! Love to all the BK’s and may your holiday be joyous, for the gifts, the food, the time off, the friends and family, or at least because it’s soon to be over!

  • thehousesparrow

    Always a tradition! This post stands the test of time.

  • joything

    Tears running down my cheeks … just like every year. Oh, Christmas drag shows, why are you so delicious?

  • krystinamarie

    Love reading this every year. Wish you guys would bring back Musical Mondays, even if just once a month or once in a while!

  • woo!

  • Fordzo

    When, exactly, did we go from “poodles” to “kittens”?

    • We used to have a much broader selection of terms of endearment, but I guess like in any relationship you eventually shake down a couple of pet names. My husband tried “pumpkin” and “princess” on me before “crumpet” stuck. Bitter Kitten has such pleasing assonance.

      • Fordzo

        I miss Unborn Fawns.

        • Yes. We do still occasionally get PUFs, which I like.

          • Frank_821

            Yep. I recall that one time when many of the folks were commenting whether they were either a PUF and BK. KInd of like our own Marilyn or Jackie thing.

          • Fordzo

            I’m definitely an Unborn Fawn.

  • Still funny, after all these years.

  • Julie A. Arms Meeks

    Wow, has it really been 7 years? I remember this one the very first time around.

  • alyce1213

    This is classic. I finally got a chance to watch it again, tears are running down my face. I have to say a very touching moment for me is at the end, when Bing tosses the statue/ornament into the tree and kisses Rosemary. Who does that?

    Thanks for reposting.

  • Didn’t the boy on the right also audition for Rupaul’s Drag Race?

  • Fordzo

    2 things let me know that it’s finally Christmas – this post and listening to David Sedaris read from his ‘Santaland Diaries’.

    • Qitkat

      Love DS. The way he reads and tells his stories always cracks me up, even when I’ve heard them many times.

  • Ann VerWiebe

    I swear the Vera Ellen looks like she had her bottom ribs removed. She has 0% body fat.

  • Therese Bohn

    Love this every year! The snow, the buttermilk, Everything! Thanks for our annual Christmas treat, I always share it! <3

    Wish you could bring back Musical Mondays just to do "The Pirate", I'd so love to see that one TLo'ed!

  • .Gaggle of gay men. at its best.
    It never fades in its charm.
    Every year I love the way Tlo commentary takes up my senses.
    Now I have a inhaler to cope with the ongoing laughter attack.
    Though I am late here but meant a lot to leave a comment.

  • Martha Anderson

    I learned sometime in the last few weeks that Rosemary sang both roles. It was distracting as now I CAN certainly tell it was her singing both roles.

    • random_poster

      Yeah, Vera didn’t have much of a voice. No one else in that cast could have done that dancing, though. She’s pretty amazing.

      • VCR1

        The level of difficulty in the Abraham number looks crazy!

    • VCR1

      I had no idea! I thought it was the other Clooney sister that might’ve sang, and you can certainly tell it wasn’t Vera Ellen’s voice. I’ll have to listen again more carefully!

  • Gatto Nero

    The gift that keeps on giving.
    Thank you, T Lo.

  • Merry Christmas 2014 T.Lo!

  • Tanya Wade

    Gay Christmas. Now and forever. It just never gets old, and should not be changed!
    Merry merry, and a happy new year.

  • LambeeBaby

    Tradition!! It always makes me laugh despite my underlying holiday grouchiness. Thanks for a splendid holiday day send off.

  • Coleen

    I just went to a showing of “White Christmas” at a suburban Philly movie theater last weekend, and it could have benefited from 100% more TLO commentary.

    (P.S. same theater is showing “Wizard of Oz” in January if you ever wanted to have a mini-BK convention. I’ll be the 8.5-month preggo one in the good seats.)

  • sagecreek

    I love you, unks, so very much. Hoping you have a perfect holiday!

  • DKBB

    Thank you, uncles!! This is my FAVORITE Musical Mondays entry ever!!! May you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and a joyously Happy New Year!

  • StrandedFashionista

    I just watched this movie last night! It gets my vote as the most glam Christmas film I know of- at least as far as the musical numbers are concerned.

    • sagecreek

      Glam, true, but I can remember watching it as a young teen and thinking that I was supposed to look like Vera. Didn’t help my issues much 🙂

  • Cyd Butler

    My absolute favorite Musical Monday Ever and I link to it via FB to share with my friends every year. I can tell immediately who “gets it” by the comments. Thank you Uncles! Christmas wouldn’t be the same without this post and my days much dimmer without you all year. Now go get drunk and take a rest, you’ve both earned it!

  • enchanted216

    Every year, something different makes me laugh out loud! Today it was, “Okay kids, I want you to hold those candles nice and straight, you hear me? Or I’ll beat the shit out of each and every one of you.”
    Thank you. dear uncles! 🙂

    • For me this year it is “gets mounted in a barn”…

  • NMMagpie

    Scrolled down just as I was thinking: “Is that George Chakiris??” PERFECT.

  • random_poster

    Love this, and look forward to the re-post every year. Merry Christmas, TLo!

  • VCR1

    I love this movie and I love this post! Our whole family knows this entire movie by heart and I can’t stop laughing at TLo’s commentary, hilarious!
    Merry Christmas and a joyous New Year!

  • dash1211

    Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without this post. Love you, dear Uncles!

  • Joanna B

    This makes lol every time I read it. Happy Christmas Uncles!

  • Shibori Girl

    This never grows old! Thank you for the perfect gift – forever funny and no dusting required.

  • Janet B

    Thank you for the perfect bit of hilarious holiday cheer.

  • Lenora Dody

    Thanks for this! As hysterical as usual! Merry Christmas to Tom and Lorenzo and all of the Bitter Kittens!

  • JauntyJohn

    My holiday wouldn’t be complete now without this.
    On a side note, I’m struck by how still the camera is during the dance numbers — the old style of editing cuts really lets you see and appreciate the dancing in a way that today’s editing… well, I don’t want to say “doesn’t” exactly, but the still cam long edit really shows the athleticism and talent of these performers.
    And wasn’t that George a dreamboat!
    p.s. Maybe someday you can do Danny Kaye’s “The Court Jester?” Maybe not so well known, but a real gem.
    Love to you and all the BK’s! Happy Holidays!

    • Merry Christmas John!

      • JauntyJohn

        And to you, Alicia!

    • formerlyAnon

      The Court Jester had a great patter song. I just love Danny Kaye. He was the best thing (for me) in a number of movies.

    • I second The Court Jester! I only saw it once as a kid and my parents insisted on forwarding the kissing scenes and the witchy spell scenes, so I suspect significant stuff might have got left out.

  • lilibetp

    I look forward to this every year. I wouldn’t mind if you want to put up an edited version, as long as you don’t replace this completely.

  • Vera Allen was anorexic, no? She is painfully thin, even for that era.

  • papillon

    Haha, I had actually never heard of this movie before but I’m going to have to check it out now. Thank you. And happy holidays to you two and all the BKs!

  • Zippypie

    This makes my Christmas every year! Merry Happy Dragtastic Christmas, Uncles!!!

  • FibonacciSequins

    I’m watching it on tv right now. As always, Vera Ellen’s pelvis is the most compelling part of the movie. What even, Vera?

    I’ve loved this movie since I was a kid. But I could never understand why the Haynes sisters would be so interested in a cranky old man and a gay guy. They were pretty, talented girls. They could do better!

    Happy Holidays, TLo and Bitter Kittens! xx

  • formerlyAnon

    Bless. Thank-you. Wishing everyone a wonderful few days, whether Christmas is ‘your’ holiday or not.

  • Little_Olive

    Never. Gets. Old.

  • tinyredlocks

    OK, now it is Officially Christmas. Thanks, Uncles! Happy Holiday, Kittens!

  • Tricia

    Just once you guys should do a Mystery Science Theater-style musical viewing. I would pay to watch that.

  • Markatha

    There is no denying that this movie is one big unbelievable CHEESE sandwich. Still I LOVE it and must watch it every single year. Most likely it’s a combination of all the Pretty Bright Colors and Mary Wickes. That and of course….. Gay!
    And yes, I know all the words to “Sisters” as I should. It made me giddy as a little gay boy on a farm growing up & still does today. I love this seasonal post! Merry Christmas everyone.

  • EllenLouise

    Every year the Carolina Theatre in Greensboro shows White Christmas on the really big screen. The sets, the costumes, the camp all look amazing. It is my annual must see. Merry Christmas to all.

  • JP

    Merry Christmas, you guys!!!!!!

  • Judy_S

    Thank you. It is actually more fun to read now than last year.

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Merry Christmas, Tom and Lorenzo-thaks for sharing “White Christmas once again. Hilarious, and yes, Vera could dance up a storm;she sells the bejesus out of every number she’s in. Love you both, MMMMMMMWWWWWAAAAHHHHH!

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Thanks for posting the link. If Vera Ellen did maintain a very active lifestyle and worked to remain physically fit, that would make a difference.
    Whatever, she really was a terrific dancer. I alway love watching these clips, as well as her work in “On The Town”.

  • Dorothy & Michael n/a

    Unbelievably, I just watched this movie today for the first time. And I’m 57 years old. I’m CRYING at your interpretation. THANK YOU! Best Christmas gift today was reading this!!!

    • Pearl Clutcher

      Me too! I’m same age and just saw this and am absolutely CRYING at it. Just bloody hilarious!

  • AndieJay

    Awesome review and I love the line about taking a roast out of the oven because it took me a minute to figure it out.

  • swissgirl

    Hi guys, I would LOVE to read your commentary on “Choreography”–probably the funniest, creepiest and most bizarre movie-musical production in the history of the planet. Maybe next year? Happy New Year!

  • Sarah

    Thanks, uncles! Always hilarious. Hope your Xmas was full of joy and happiness 🙂

    • formerlyAnon

      Hey! Merry belated Christmas! Hope yours was good & that you get more time off this coming week.

  • MaggieMae

    Merry Christmas BKs! I’m so behind! Watched White Christmas for the first time despite my advanced age! Had to look up George Chakiris. Of course! West Side Story! He makes jewelry!

  • Judy_J

    Every time I watch this, I am amazed at the backward high kicks Vera Ellen does in that “Mandy” number. Barbie doll, indeed!

  • izzy stripes

    demons are not evil,they’re not bad in any way. please go to joy of satan . com and exposingchristianity .com for truth. you need no money it’s free just have an open heart and a little free time..

  • Lily

    Watched this on Christmas Eve. Wish I had seen your commentary first. I am always shocked at how thin Vera was. Her waist must be 18″ at most. Barbie pelvis nails it!

  • Ali2044


  • halleygee

    TLo, these are the funniest things ever, you should keep it up in the new year, I laugh so hard at each one! Genius!

  • jilly_d

    It doesn’t matter how many years in a row I read this – every time I get to the picture of that sad, sad diorama and hit the “this is your brain on drugs” caption, I lose it. Every. Single. Time.

  • Kaonashi

    LOL! I’ve never seen this movie…and now I want to.

  • Patrick Hawkes

    My great aunt is 90 years old this year. She was a flight attendant in the 50’s. She’s a terribly sweet and very proper little old lady who still packs heels in a silk bag when she comes over so she can put them on when she gets in the door. Last month we asked her if she ever served anybody famous back in the day and all she said was “Rosemary Clooney was a hateful woman”. Mona has never said anything bad about anybody ever. All I want for Christmas is to know what Rosemary did on that plane

    • Wendi126

      I really want to know now too! The when nobody is watching behavior is the best. Back in 1981 visiting LA we were sitting near Dustin Hoffman and his mother at a restaurant and during lunch and then after when I saw him with her by his car- he was so kind and patient and loving with her and the staff. I always think of that when I see him off or on screen.

  • frannyprof

    My FAVORITE fidgety quartet EVER! Bless us, every one!

  • Anna

    Ever since T-Lo mentioned it a few months ago, I am ALL FOR a remake starring Lupita and Danai Gurira as The Haynes Sisters. My vote is still for Idris Elba and Common for the Bing and Danny Kaye parts.

    Merry Christmas and much love to the Kittens, you’re the best!

  • graziella

    When Tina and Amy were on SNL this week and said in their monologue that they were going to sing a classic Christmas song, I was hoping it would be this Sisters song (especially after their current movie.) Wouldnt that be great ?
    Happy holidays all !!!

  • GemFemme

    Vera Ellen isn’t my favorite old Hollywood dancer, that’d be Cyd Charisse, but yes, bitch could dance up a storm. She dances Mandy with a slinky, sexy, cat like grace. And she gets to wrap herself around Hot Buns at the same time.

  • OffToSeeHim

    Did you guys ever do Holiday Inn for Musical Mondays? That had all the treacly romance, drag-queen numbers, AND black-face! The Bing Crosby trifecta!

  • AutumnInNY

    A TLo Christmas classic, always a fun holiday read. Merry Christmas to all!

  • Amelia Law Christmas can officially start as I have now had my giggle courtesy of TLo 🙂

  • Shannyn Marie

    Yaaaaaaaaaasssss my holiday can officially start. I was worried TLO wouldn’t post it this year. I watched it again earlier this month, it gets gayer every year.

  • steph

    “Except the little boy on the right, who grew up to open a leather bar on Fire Island.”
    Made me spew my coffee.
    Best line yet.

  • One day I will watch this movie. But it can’t possibly live up to the recap.

    • Agent Sculder

      It’s available streaming on Netflix right now. And it 100% lives up to the recap. It’s quite possibly the gayest musical ever, and that’s saying something.

  • Therese Bohn

    I love reading this every year, Thanks again! And guys, I have to tell you, I was watching a Vera Ellen movie on TCM the other day which I wish you’d do! It’s “Three Little Girls in Blue” about some remarkably clean farm girls and the men who love them… but what astonished me was how different Vera looked in it. In the piece “You Make me feel so young”, her legs are full and muscular, not so terribly thin as they are here. It makes me wonder if the darling dancer wasn’t anorexic. (hope not) Look up the number on YouTube and you’ll see what I mean.

    Still hoping you’ll Musical Monday ‘The Pirate’ — (C’mon Guys, Gene Kelley: Pole Dancing. Need I say more?)

    Happy New Year you guys! Love ya!

  • DyanSwan

    Brilliant review.
    Happy New Year’s TLo and Kittens!