Miss Universe 2015, Part 4: Freak-Flag Flying Fun Gals!

Posted on December 21, 2015

And for our final wrapup, a salute to those weird girls who just had to go their own way on things. We think we love them most of all.

 

Miss Curacao
4-Miss-Curacao-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“What am I? HAHAHA! You do not know. Why? Because you are drunk.

Curacao! HAHAHA!”

 

Miss Austria
1-Miss-Austria-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“That’s right, cishet scum. Squirm in your seats because YOU WANT THIS.

Obviously, I’m not here to win this thing.”

 

Miss Cayman Islands
3-Miss-Cayman-Islands-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“I’m coral. That’s it, really. That’s the costume. ‘Come to the Caymans. We have coral.’

What do you want from me? This shit is stupid.”

 

Miss Malaysia
10-Miss-Malaysia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Bitch, I told you; you gotta sell that shit. Look: I’m the QUEEN OF CORAL! ‘Under the sea! Darling it’s better down where it’s wetter!’ HAHAHAHAHA! Sexy marine invertebrates!

See? Like that.

 

Miss Ukraine
17-Miss-Ukraine-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Go ahead and sing and dance for attention if you must. Ukraine bakes bread. Is enough.”

 

Miss Honduras
6-Miss-Honduras-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Honduras would like to take this moment to remind you all that you’re going to die. And then a dragon will probably eat you.”

 

Miss Hungary
7-Miss-Hungary-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Because Hungary believes women are a puzzle with a crotch!”

 

Miss Ireland
8-Miss-Ireland-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Ireland. On the outside, I am a modern druidic pagan priestess. Inside, I’m Riverdance on acid.”

 

Miss Thailand
16-Miss-Thailand-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Because Thailand believes a woman is a long-haul vehicle with boobs!”

 

Miss Spain
15-Miss-Spain-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“I have NO IDEA. They just told me to put it on and hold on to my dignity as best I can.”

 

Miss Netherlands
13-Miss-Netherlands-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Hi.

Don’t you want to come inside The Netherlands?”

 

Miss Guatemala
5-Miss-Guatemala-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Jesus, girl. Pump your brakes. And this is me talking.”

 

Miss Kosovo
9-Miss-Kosovo-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Kosovo has no need for showy costumes or sex appeal. Instead, we choose to cosplay as the stars of our own night-time soap operas.”

 

Miss New Zealand
14-Miss-New-Zealand-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Two can play that game, Kosovo. And I’d just watch myself if I were you, Missy. You’ve made an enemy tonight.”

 

Miss Myanmar
12-Miss-Myanmar-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Please. If you just let me finish my song, this will all make sense.”

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: Richard D. Salyer, Patrick Prather]

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  • Lilyana_F

    WTF-ery at it’s best. Never change, Miss Universe!

  • marlie

    What in the holy hell is that on Miss Spain’s head?

    • Gatita

      I read that it’s a windmill/tribute to Man of La Mancha. Not sure it’s true but I’ll go with it.

    • Dandesun

      I’m not even sure what’s going on with Spain… although several parts of her outfit seem to be declaring independence from each other.

      Which, in a way, is absolutely perfect for Spain.

    • Miss_Led

      She is half beauty queen & half Don Quixote. She has a half-beard-and-mustache on the side of her face tilted away from the camera. There are some other shots where you can see it better. And in that hand she has a staff to tilt at windmills, as Gatita pointed out.

    • kazibear

      An homage to Picasso maybe?

  • Karen B

    Miss Austria gift wrapped her knees shut…
    Miss Cayman Islands is pooping gummy worms…
    I do not believe Miss Hungary solved all those Rubik’s Cubes. Disqualified.
    Miss New Zealand raided Cookie Lyons wardrobe
    and… Miss Thailand is going to get some serious grill burn from doing it on the hood instead of in the backseat.

  • QHarp

    Miss Honduras brought the skulls of all the contestants she beat to get here as a warning to the others.

  • steph

    I’m going into mourning for all the poor birds who gave up their feathers for this extravaganza.
    But Damn I want Miss Ireland’s green cape.

  • Daisy77

    Austria. Props.

    • Heather

      I thought she WAS Conchita Wurst, then realized she was dressed as Conchita. Either way, awesome.

      • Poeta Paz

        Conchita must feel amazing, she’s already a patriotic symbol.

      • MacrameTrumpToupee

        Me too! I thought Miss Universe had suddenly become amazing and open-minded for a second. Then I remembered that these are amongst the entry requirements: “contestants must not have ever been married, not had a marriage annulled nor given birth to, or parented a child. The titleholders are also required to remain unmarried throughout their reign”

        • Heather

          OMG!! Had no idea. It IS some kind of weird sacrificial virgin thing, isn’t it? Made even weirder because half of these outfits were clearly inspired by the Victoria’s Secret “fashion” show.

          • MacrameTrumpToupee

            I don’t understand the “given birth to, OR parented a child” thing either. Like, if your sister or best friend or whatever died and you raised their kids, are you still ineligible? Like, even is you still were a virgin physically, just the act of parenting apparently renders you a disgusting, unsexy human being?

          • Heather

            Indeed. And do they do some kind of gross virgin hymen test? Ewwwww……

  • Miss_Led

    I believe Miss Honduras is displaying the skulls of previous Miss Universe judges who did not vote for Miss Honduras.
    I believe Miss Ireland is an escapee from THE WIZ LIVE’s Emerald City.

  • Gatita

    Miss Austria for the MF win! Slutty Rubic’s Cube is tragique. I swear when I saw Kosovo I thought “Alexis Carrington Realness” before I read TLo’s caption.

    • JosieKat

      Bless you for “tragique”.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I so want a Slutty Rubik’s Cube for Christmas, but I’m not sure whether – for that particular gift – Santa needs to be persuaded that I’ve been naughty, or nice.

    • graziella

      Ms. Kosovo is stunning, in that glamourous Lana Turner/ Ava Gardner way.

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    Brilliant recaps – out loud laughing in this hotel lobby I’m in….

  • Anna

    Miss Hungary! Serving puzzles AND polterwang.

    Miss Honduras and the Kingdom of Slain Former Miss Universe Contestants’ Skulls!

    God bless this batshit gift that keeps on giving!

    • Inspector_Gidget

      Is that row of skulls attached to the costume somehow or did she just lay down a prop? Either way, not fucking around!

      • VCR1

        They are most likely attached to her skirt but d like to think she carefully laid them out in some sort of frightening ritual to the god of pageant contestants. What a scary ass costume! Especially the split skull on her headdress!

    • Bethany Joy

      Thank you for bringing polterwang back into my lexicon. I had thoughtlessly discarded it.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Somewhere the Hero Twins of Mayan mythology are bearing their skeletal teeth in delight at Miss Honduras’ costume.

    • EveEve

      Polterwang, or perhaps wang wang. I was so hoping it was the latter.

  • AUSTRIA FTW!

  • Clydette Wantland

    OMG — WTH? I need a nap…I’m exhausted.

  • Judy_J

    I really feel sorry for Miss Ireland. That saggy flesh toned bodysuit is unforgivable.

    • makeityourself

      Yes, her costume is tragic, but I still noticed that stunning face. That’s quite an accomplishment.

      • Judy_J

        That’s why I felt so sorry for her. Such a beautiful girl forced to wear that gawd-awful costume.

      • DuBey2

        Yes. I couldn’t help going back 2x to stare at her cheekbones.

  • Montavilla

    Miss New Zealand seems to be inspired by Alyssa Edwards.

    • pdquick

      Also, who knew Manila Luzon was from Kosovo?

  • Walburga

    These posts made me so very happy. Brilliantly funny as always, TLo!

  • Anna

    I feel like these are all inside jokes for the particular countries, it only works if you’re from there.

  • DKBB

    Thank you, Uncles, for such a wonderful early Christmas gift!!!! There really is nothing better than the WTF-ery of a Miss Universe pageant. 😉

  • Gayer Than Thou

    Miss Myanmar was on her way to open mic night at Women & Women First, but got on the wrong bus.

  • Thailand’s hosting the worlds biggest Starlight Express convention this year?

    • Sanglots longs

      I don’t know!! I was just going to ask, does anyone understand what that one is all about? I don’t think of Thailand as a trucking nation. Though I believe Top Gear drove lorries through it.

      • Gayer Than Thou

        My guess? A tuk-tuk. Whether Miss Thailand is tucking I guess we’ll never know.

        • Gatita

          OMG. High five for spotting that!

        • Sanglots longs

          Aha! When your reply came up in my email, I thought, “A tuk-tuk? Huh? Can I google that at work?” But you thoughtfully provided the photo so I didn’t have to either die of curiosity or compromise my professional integrity (if I haven’t already with the suppressed snorts I have emitted while reading these posts and replies, that is.) Tucking or not, Miss Thailand seems to be enjoying her costume…

        • Amazing! I was thinking maybe tuk-tuk but I hadn’t seen one like that… you nailed it!

        • MilaXX

          Thanks for posting this. I was thinking Transformer and couldn’t figure out why she would be one.

          • Gayer Than Thou

            At Miss Universe, anything is possible.

          • VCR1

            An Optimus prime pageant costume–I wish it was!

        • I think she previewed that costume a month ago online. I do remember seeing it with the tuk-tuk tribute explanation. It had working lights and whatnot.

      • Jangle57

        And she won this portion of the contest

  • Beth Swartz

    Rubic’s cube’s crotch is. . .puzzling, to say the least.

    • 3boysful

      This is the girl whose costume was lost by the airline, and they rigged up this one from Walgreen’s.

      • GemFemme

        The crotch of my nightmares.

        • 3boysful

          Not to mention, is the material on that bikini . . . sheer?!

    • pdquick

      At least we know she waxes.

  • SFbaby09

    I totally want RuPaul Drag Race to do a riff on this with national costume and all.

  • mimi

    myanmar’s knees…ouch.

  • Tee

    Miss Austria takes this round for admitting she’s not in it to win!

  • graziella

    Thailand is riding a tuk-tuk, those little motorized three wheel taxis that are taking over little towns around the world. A little esoteric and literal, but made me LOL when I saw it last night. Yes TLo inspired me to record and fast forward this spectacle.

    • Frank_821

      hey she won best costume

      • graziella

        Omg, you’re right. Aniporn (her real name) did win.

        • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

          Her name is ANIPORN?!!

          • charlotte

            From what I have heard, names that contain “porn” are common in Thailand. Definitely strange for our ears though.

          • graziella

            Aniporn Chalermburanawong, to be exact

  • MilaXX

    I have no words

  • MK03

    Seriously, WTF is New Zealand supposed to be?

    • Stuart Miller

      The now-extinct moa bird?

    • It’s embellished with silver ferns, which is a) the name of their netball team and b) one of the suggestions for their new national flag. But how the ruffles and elbow feathers come into it I am not sure.

  • Frank_821

    Miss Austria desreves a standing ovation

    • Stuart Miller

      Or something. This is the most “WTF???” for me. Any thoughts on what inspired this ????

      • charlotte

        Conchita Wurst, the bearded drag queen who won the Eurovision Song Contest for Austria last year.

        • Stuart Miller

          Thanks for the information. At least now I know the reference. Whether it makes it any less bizarre is another matter. But I know she didn’t win so that says something–although exactly what, I’m not sure given this Looney-Tunes-meets-Salvador-Dali event.

          • penguinmom

            Didn’t some other contestant come out with a beard and mustache on only one side of her face? Or am I hallucinating? I seem to remember it was someone European, made me wonder if it was related to this costume.

  • Lily

    The look on poor Miss Myannmar’s face…

    And when I got to Spain, I literally uttered “What the F—?” aloud in my office. Thank goodness most people are gone for the holidays. But really, what is that thing?

    • Lime

      I’m Spanish and I don’t know either, if it’s of any comfort to you.

  • mmebam

    As a nerd, I am deeply saddened that Miss Hungary’s costume didn’t work out, but how could it?

  • MK03

    No Miss Philippines?

    • MilaXX

      I think there’s at least one more post coming.

      • They said “final wrapup” at the top of this one, though…

  • Leandra

    Spain packed after one two many bottles of wine and these are the random pieces she threw into her suitcase.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    I can’t believe I’m saying this but I actually LIKE Miss Ukraine’s costume. I think it’s classy and pretty.

    • graziella

      I know, right? Remember when the costumes were understated homages to the cultural traditions of each country- kinda like those collectable dolls from around the world? (see Miss Norway and Miss Sweden this year.) When did they become over the top Vegas show girls trying out fro Beach Blanket Babylon?

    • cousinelizabeth

      I love her head.

  • susan6

    What happened to all the swords? A year or two ago these dames were challenging each other to broadsword fights; at least 3 of them would show up with a sword as part of their national garb. This year we got a shield or two (the US missing out on the OBVIOUS Captain America costume…perhaps fearing a lawsuit from Marvel?) but no weapons of any kind.
    Possibly due to increased security measures? Thanks, ISIS. This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • thesevenendless

    Miss Canada is missing!

    • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

      So is Miss Trinidad — right?

      • harthad

        Miss Canada wore a totem pole loincloth! So she may have taken home the cultural insensitivity award.

        Trinidad and Tobago chose not to participate because of Trump’s offensive comments about about Hispanics.
        Aren’t we also missing Miss Philippines? She was covered in capiz shell paillettes, sort of like a wind chime.

      • And China and Japan…

        Miss Canada was so tasteless. Should have just re-worn the mountie costume.

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    Miss Curacao: “I don’t wanna be cute no more. Make the gentleman hoot no more. I don’t wanna wear fruit no more. I don’t wanna show off.”

    • cousinelizabeth

      My vote goes to Miss Curaçao. She looks like she is selling a crazy tropical drink.

    • DaveinAlamitosBeach

      Wow, Drowsy Chaperone reference. I’m impressed.

  • tryinnottobetoojudgy

    With Miss Curacao, the Smurf jokes are just too easy, so I won’t go there. But damn, that may well be the craziest costume in a sea of crazy.

    • 3boysful

      She gets props in my book for having to get that blue off her face to go on with the remainder of the show.

      • tryinnottobetoojudgy

        Right? I wondered about that – how much time she had and what kind of industrial-strength makeup remover she had to use? That’s dedication!

  • AlisonHendryx

    I can’t shake this feeling that every time Miss Honduras’s skill hat is in the corner of my eye… it moves.

    Same with Miss. Hungary’s crotch.

  • Pamdela

    OMG. I am ROLLING. This is gold.

  • GemFemme

    “Don’t you want to come inside The Netherlands?”
    Fucking brilliant!

  • Kaonashi

    That Tuk Tuk! I love it!

    Actually, I like all of these. They’re on the bizarre side of things and really interesting.

  • FridaStaire

    Hey, I thick Miss Honduras was actually making a brave statement about human rights and the terrible ‘disappearances’ that are happening in her country. I salute her, and I hope she is OK and well protected when she gets home. Sadly with this kind of thing is if often only recognised by those who know about what’s going on, which can increase her risk of punishment without necessarily achieving anything much to publicise her issue.

    • VCR1

      I thought her costume was really frightening, but now that you explained it, it’s even scarier than I thought. I hope she and her loved ones will be safe when she goes home too…

  • Inspector_Gidget

    I would subscribe via Pay Per View to witness a knock-down-drag-out between Malaysia and Vietnam. Battle of the Headdresses!

  • VCR1

    I will be seeing Miss Honduras in my nightmares tonight. That has got to be the scariest pageant wear ever!

  • Bethany Joy

    Miss Kosovo? Man, Adrianne Curry looks great! Keep it up, gal!

  • Gayer Than Thou

    I love how the fact that Miss Curaçao painted her face blue isn’t even the craziest thing on this page, let alone in the whole pageant.

  • Trixie A. Cooper

    Spain, home of the franken-whatery.

  • Winterlight

    Miss Kosovo looks impressively Evil Queen-ish.

    Miss Cayman Islands has my sympathy.

  • lamh

    Wait, did I miss Miss Philippines?

  • pdquick

    Curaçao: “HOOHAAHOOHAAHOOHAA, because follow the arrow.”

  • Truthiness2U

    I lived for these posts. Thank you, TLo!

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Riverdance on acid-exactly. Love these posts so much!

  • SuzyQuzey

    These costumes are all BANANAS!

  • quiltrx

    Miss Ireland’s outfit is visual evidence of a horrible, hissing catfight between two queens with VERY different costume concepts.
    And did anyone actually watch? I really want to know how Miss Honduras’ conga line of skulls got there. It makes me deliriously happy to think they’re attached to her somehow and just drag along.

    • Miss Disco

      Miss Ireland’s outfit is visual evidence that Ireland needs some new cultural references for these things! Pagans! Riverdance! Pagans! Riverdance! Pagan Riverdance.

      Next Year Miss Ireland should come as sexy Easter Rising, or sexy Jobsbridge employee. Or the Halpenny Bridge! Or some combination of the three!

      • charlotte

        Or as Jedward.

      • AnneElliot

        I’m waiting for them to go literary and create a costume inspired by James Joyce.

        • Eric Stott

          A big skirt that says “YES>>>>YES>>>>YES>>>OH YES”

  • LorrainePromo

    I needed that! My poor dog quickly left the room thinking her mother had gone insane with laughter

  • Sarah

    At the end of four crappy days without much laughter, I’ve just spent the past 20 minutes chuckling at these posts. Thanks for being so entertaining and witty!

  • Miss Disco

    i think thailand did get stuck to a vehicle, and just made the best of it.

  • Where…are Philippines and Canada?

  • Miss Austria for all the awards ever

  • portlandmermaid

    Miss Kosovo, the one breath of sanity in all that wonderful craziness.

  • EEKstl

    Wait. Miss Austria – facial hair? I’m sorry, I don’t understand…either insane or genius, maybe both?

  • P M

    Miss Hungary has a really meaty tuck going on.

  • frannyprof

    “We have coral…” Dying!

  • OffToSeeHim

    What the FUCK, Austria???

    • SunDevilWitch

      It looked completely “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” to me and I loved it.

  • Imasewsure

    I think her queens mistook Ms Myanmar for Ms Miley… weirdest Miss U costume ever maybe?