Miss Universe 2015, Part 3: Showgirls and Bigass Skirts!

Posted on December 21, 2015

Make sure to read parts one and two, kittens! Or none of this will make any sense! Oh, wait. That’s not how it works.

 

Miss Aruba
2-Miss-Aruba-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“MWAH! Come to Aruba! Our women are hot, affectionate, and semi-naked!”

 

Miss Ecuador
9-Miss-Ecuador-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“No! You should come to Ecuador, where we use our skirts to fly!”

 

Miss Belgium
4-Miss-Belgium-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Aw! Aren’t you sweet, Ecuador.”

 

Miss Australia
3-Miss-Australia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Australia. We’re so butch, our drag queens are straight men.”

 

Miss Georgia
12-Miss-Georgia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Arise, my big-skirted sisters! ARISE AND TAKE BACK THE WORLD FROM MEN.”

 

Miss Bolivia
5-Miss-Bolivia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Oh, honey. If we didn’t have men, where would I get all my things? Bolivia abstains from fighting.

But not from love-making. With men.

 

Miss Brazil
6-Miss-Brazil-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“I’m fucking fabulous and you all know it.”

 

Miss Finland
11-Miss-Finland-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Finland! Birthplace of the tourniquet!”

 

Miss Great Britain
14-Miss-Great-Britain-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Right. I get to be Miss Britain the year they decide to tart her up. Cheers for that, bitches.”

 

Miss Guyana
15-Miss-Guyana-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Guyanese Tiger Women are known for their impressive upper and lower back strength!”

 

Miss Ghana
13-Miss-Ghana-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site“Pfft. Girl, please. Come at me when you’re in a bikini and platforms, okay?”

 

Miss Dominican Republic
8-Miss-Dominican-Republic-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“The Dominican Republic graciously accepts Ghana’s challenge and invites the bitch to step off.”

 

Miss Panama
18B-Miss-Panama-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Step off yourself, you bougie tw–“

 

Miss Puerto Rico
20B-Miss-Puerto-Rico-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“ENOUGH! Puerto Rico has the floor!

And you can have it too for low, low prices! Go to prdiscountflooring.gov for more information!”

 

Miss Nicaragua
17-Miss-Nicaragua-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“WHHHHOOOOOOOO! PARTY TIME IN NICARAGUA! WE’VE GOT THE GOOD SHIT!”

*hurl*

 

Miss Sweden
21-Miss-Sweden-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Sweden finds this all too revolting for words.”

 

Miss Mexico
16-Miss-Mexico-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Mexico thinks Sweden’s a priss with a princess complex, but for once, we agree. Can’t a girl just stand here and be hot as fuck without putting other people down?

Peace. Think about it.”

 

Miss Portugal
19-Miss-Portugal-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“The secret to a Portuguese woman’s allure? Her feet face sideways.”

 

Miss Turkey
22-Miss-Turkey-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“On the back of my skirt, you can read today’s menu specials, which include your choice of a cup of soup or a side salad with every meal.”

 

Miss El Salvador
10-Miss-El-Salvador-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Not gonna lie, we really half-assed it this year, guys. I don’t know how it happened. I misread the dates or something.”

 

Miss Argentina
1-Miss-Argentina-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“MARIE ANTOINETTING, HIGH EMPRESS OF SHOWGIRLS.

BOWING IS NOT OPTIONAL.”

 

[Photo Credit: Richard D. Salyer, Patrick Prather]

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