Miss Universe 2015, Part 3: Showgirls and Bigass Skirts!

Posted on December 21, 2015

Make sure to read parts one and two, kittens! Or none of this will make any sense! Oh, wait. That’s not how it works.

 

Miss Aruba
2-Miss-Aruba-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“MWAH! Come to Aruba! Our women are hot, affectionate, and semi-naked!”

 

Miss Ecuador
9-Miss-Ecuador-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“No! You should come to Ecuador, where we use our skirts to fly!”

 

Miss Belgium
4-Miss-Belgium-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Aw! Aren’t you sweet, Ecuador.”

 

Miss Australia
3-Miss-Australia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Australia. We’re so butch, our drag queens are straight men.”

 

Miss Georgia
12-Miss-Georgia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Arise, my big-skirted sisters! ARISE AND TAKE BACK THE WORLD FROM MEN.”

 

Miss Bolivia
5-Miss-Bolivia-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Oh, honey. If we didn’t have men, where would I get all my things? Bolivia abstains from fighting.

But not from love-making. With men.

 

Miss Brazil
6-Miss-Brazil-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“I’m fucking fabulous and you all know it.”

 

Miss Finland
11-Miss-Finland-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Finland! Birthplace of the tourniquet!”

 

Miss Great Britain
14-Miss-Great-Britain-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Right. I get to be Miss Britain the year they decide to tart her up. Cheers for that, bitches.”

 

Miss Guyana
15-Miss-Guyana-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Guyanese Tiger Women are known for their impressive upper and lower back strength!”

 

Miss Ghana
13-Miss-Ghana-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site“Pfft. Girl, please. Come at me when you’re in a bikini and platforms, okay?”

 

Miss Dominican Republic
8-Miss-Dominican-Republic-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“The Dominican Republic graciously accepts Ghana’s challenge and invites the bitch to step off.”

 

Miss Panama
18B-Miss-Panama-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Step off yourself, you bougie tw–“

 

Miss Puerto Rico
20B-Miss-Puerto-Rico-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“ENOUGH! Puerto Rico has the floor!

And you can have it too for low, low prices! Go to prdiscountflooring.gov for more information!”

 

Miss Nicaragua
17-Miss-Nicaragua-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“WHHHHOOOOOOOO! PARTY TIME IN NICARAGUA! WE’VE GOT THE GOOD SHIT!”

*hurl*

 

Miss Sweden
21-Miss-Sweden-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Sweden finds this all too revolting for words.”

 

Miss Mexico
16-Miss-Mexico-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Mexico thinks Sweden’s a priss with a princess complex, but for once, we agree. Can’t a girl just stand here and be hot as fuck without putting other people down?

Peace. Think about it.”

 

Miss Portugal
19-Miss-Portugal-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“The secret to a Portuguese woman’s allure? Her feet face sideways.”

 

Miss Turkey
22-Miss-Turkey-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“On the back of my skirt, you can read today’s menu specials, which include your choice of a cup of soup or a side salad with every meal.”

 

Miss El Salvador
10-Miss-El-Salvador-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“Not gonna lie, we really half-assed it this year, guys. I don’t know how it happened. I misread the dates or something.”

 

Miss Argentina
1-Miss-Argentina-Miss-Universe-2015-National-Costumes-Tom-Lorenzo-Site

“MARIE ANTOINETTING, HIGH EMPRESS OF SHOWGIRLS.

BOWING IS NOT OPTIONAL.”

 

[Photo Credit: Richard D. Salyer, Patrick Prather]

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  • Frank_821

    Okay Miss Brazil IS fabulous

    and so is Miss Argentenia

    I actually love that Miss Australia’s costume is a hilariously slutty salute to Dame Edna

    • Tiff79

      That was my first thought when I saw Australia!

      • majorbedhead

        I knew one of you guys would beat me to the Dame Edna thing!

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        A salute to Dame Edna and referencing the Sydney Opera house in the shoulders. What’s not to love!

    • Lucía Gavello

      Dame Edna <3

      I'm argentinian and I have no clue wtf that costume is about, but IT'S FABULOUS.

    • evave2

      Those were my three special ones too.

    • Kent Roby

      Dame Edna AND the Sydney Opera House!

    • quiltrx

      I KNEW we would all be seeing Dame Edna with that!

    • musi_

      I remember seeing the Australia costume unveiled on the 6 o’clock news – never been prouder haha

    • Tarquin

      and her shoulder pads are the Sydney Opera House – AMAZING!

  • Dany

    Oh my word, these are positively INSANE

  • Karen B

    Miss Great Britian appears to have gotten jacked right in her union…

    • Nancy Arseneault-Heald

      Her bodice makes me think of Ginger Spice.

  • Karen B

    Miss Argentina invites you to play the beauty pageant contestant version of “Where’s Waldo”

  • Claire

    These are always some of my favorite, favorite TLo posts. Hilarious.

  • Glam Dixie

    My imaginings of them all trying to pass each other backstage are getting more and more lively. The craft stores aren’t the only things empty, the stripper shoe stores are all out of stock as well. Miss Australia appears to have a giant pair of glasses on her head.

    • Mildred20

      And the Opera House on her shoulders.

      • Glam Dixie

        Oh good, I thought I was imagining them but they are actually supposed to be glasses.

    • YoungSally

      Reference to Dame Edna

  • charlotte

    Holy cow, Argentina. And how did Emma Watson become Miss Turkey?

  • Anna

    Miss Brazil is NOT FUCKING AROUND, but Miss Argentina SLAYS THEM ALL.

    Miss Great Britain threw some feathers and mis-matched shoes on, then stopped in after performing with “Spice Up Your Life!” her Spice Girls tribute band.

    • Gayer Than Thou

      Great minds think a like. But honestly, I think Miss Mexico kinda phoned it in this year. By which I mean, it’s kind of pretty and it practically borders on tasteful and understated.

      • AlmostClassy

        Is she using plastic flowers to represent the still-beating hearts of
        her enemies? If so, I think that gains her a couple extra points in
        supervillainy.

    • Gatita

      I was just thinking that Miss Britain = Trashy (ier?) Ginger Spice.

    • CT14

      Poor Great Britain looks like a USA knock-off, especially with lesser bondage boots.

      • Inspector_Gidget

        I liked the slutty Beefeater better, personally.

    • 3boysful

      I thought mismatched as well.

      • Anna

        Glad I’m not the only one!

      • quiltrx

        Me three, I actually had to scroll back up when Anna showed me the error of my eyes.

  • I actually have a blouse that looks like Miss Australia’s skirt – white with blue sequinned circle patterns. Now I know how to style it, possums.

  • sherrietee

    Finland is like Barbarella on fire.

    • charlotte

      Scandinavia is clearly divided. Norway and Sweden went for the demure national costumes, while Denmark and Finland embraced the drag realness.

    • 3boysful

      Those trussed up shoes are not flattering, poor girl.

      • Little_Olive

        Also, not that historical accuracy matters much at this point, but I really really don’t associate Finland with… anything that is going on there,

  • prisma

    I look at a lot of these and try to imagine them going through airport security. Or a subway turnstile. Or, hell, any narrow hallway.

  • Australia’s costume inspired by the Eyes of T.J. Eckleburg. #gatsby

    • Frank_821

      Actually I read where her outfit is inpsired by dame edna

      • uprightcitizen

        Those glasses and the purple hair couldn’t be anything BUT Dame Edna (hence the reference by TLo of straight men drag queens). Barry Humphries, who plays her, is straight.

        • The Sydney Opera House epaulettes are from one of Dame Edna’s costumes too.

      • That works, too. 🙂

  • Gayer Than Thou

    These girls ARE NOT FUCKING AROUND! Except for Miss Great Britain – girl, what is that?

  • Miss Argentina is me.

  • ashtangajunkie

    Brazil looks amazing, but Argentina really threw down this year.

  • TheScobinator

    OMG ARGENTINA! What kind of even..?

  • DesertDweller79

    I would like to be Miss Brazil today. I don’t think I could handle being Miss Argentina.

    • cousinelizabeth

      I am brazilian and I must thank you for the choice.

  • Kirstin McAulay

    I find it curious that Miss Sweden is wearing a wedding crown – she already has the frock!!

  • steph

    Miss DR and Miss Panama could be bookends.
    But please. Don’t Cry for Me Miss Argentina says today for her sore back from wearing that. DAMN!

  • BlairBear

    I thought for a second that Great Brittain was wearing two different shoes (its a shadow trick) and then I got sad that noted two different shoe wearer HBC isn’t the stylist for Great Brittain.

  • Luca

    the meeting backstage between miss Dominican republic and miss Panama must have been weird, like when you go to a wedding and you see someone with the exact same dress.

    Brazil and Argentina are something,
    I appreciate miss Bolivia managing to maintain a straight face on that stage with that dress!

    By the way, what’s between Belgium and feathers? wasn’t it like that last year too?

    • random_poster

      Psyche on Dominican Republic and Panama!

    • CJ

      Belgium is kinda split into two major sections, the Dutch-speaking Flanders (whose symbol is a lion) and the French-speaking Walloon (whose symbol is a rooster). I suppose that the feathers are rooster-y and so considered a symbol.

      I don’t remember last year’s Belgium costume. I think two years ago Miss Belgium was in, like, a devil outfit to represent their soccer (football) team, the Red Devils.

  • CT14

    Why is Miss Australia wearing Dame Edna’s glasses as a headpiece?

    • Eric J.

      Because she can.

    • Frank_821

      from what I read Miss Australia is not your typical beauty contestant. She loves Dame Edna and what’s to talk about HIV. I think she eventually wants to be a lawyer but I’m not sure about that last part

      • MartyBellerMask

        Sounds like she’s too good for this. Miss Australia for Queen Universe!

    • tryinnottobetoojudgy

      Because DAME EDNA!

    • Gayer Than Thou

      I feel like this is a trick question…

  • random_poster

    Miss Dominican Republic and Miss Panama got their costumes in a two-for-one special deal.

  • DeniseSchipani

    It took me a few seconds of scanning to find the actual human in the Nicaragua costume.

  • Miss B.

    Yes! Miss Australia! With the Dame Edna head piece!

  • aileenfairycat

    Ok, what lazy Queen couldn’t be arsed, so just stole something from his old show wardrobe and shoved it on Miss Brazil and called it a day?

    And I think Miss GB has Fanny slide. Her whole costume has slid down, giving her some nappy look, making her look like she has droopy tits and a wonky fanny.

  • 3boysful

    I think I will laugh all day about the caption for Miss Turkey’s costume.

  • EEKstl

    Guess Miss Nicaragua’s was in fact a Where’s Waldo? theme. Miss Britain is clearly Wonder Woman’s English cousin, Badass Bird.

  • MilaXX

    While I appreciate the insane ball gowns and mummer’s costumes, Miss Australia is wearing a tribute to Dame Edna. That gets my vote!

  • Eva_baby

    Miss Aruba’s calf decorations looks disturbingly like prison monitoring bracelets

    Miss Australia’s shout out to Dame Edna is wonderful!

    Miss Guyana — she looks like a clock. Are they especially punctual there?

    So Drew Barrymore decided to enter as Miss Sweden then? She is a multi-hyphenate entertainer!

  • Judy_J

    Love Miss Australia’s Dame Edith headdress

  • nuca

    Well I am Georgian, and that is a traditional costume, kind of…. without that big skirt, it’s really not supposed to be that big, guess they added some elements for extravagance, cause that seems to be the theme there… anyway, love brasil, not costume as much (too as many bright screaming colors mixed together for my taste) but the way she wears it, she really makes it likable..

  • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

    HOW DO THEY MOVE IN THESE COSTUMES?!!

  • rubyclaire

    I could spend an hour trying to solve the mystery of Ms. Portugal’s feet instead of doing my work.

  • Nerka2

    Oh Miss Turkey, I so want to enter your ruined temple, but since I’m “greek”, I suppose that is the wrong entrance- and now that I think about it, the wrong temple.

  • TaurusKW

    I’m getting some serious “all shall love me and despair” vibes from Miss Georgia.

  • mar

    I just don’t understand the cheap floor tile theme of Miss Puerto Rico.

    • Shawn EH

      They’re very proud of their tile industry?

  • Tee

    Miss Mexico for the win in this round for stating the obvious.

  • Leandra

    So far this is the strongest bracket. When you have neon green flames erupting from your head and you are the most subdued then that’s a mighty competitive group.

  • Bland Gland

    Puh-LEASE, Miss Great Britain. Ginger Spice did it WAY BETTER 20 years ago, and her bodysuit actually fit.

  • GemFemme

    Ms. Argentina for the win.
    Ms. Sweden looks like Drew Barrymore’s bitchy younger sister.

  • Ashleigh

    So. Many. Feathers.

  • Nonmercisansfacon

    I would like to see Miss Argentina and Miss Vietnam fight for the soul of the universe.

  • Winterlight

    Miss Sweden looks so demure in comparison. To everyone.

  • MMS_SMS

    Thousands on costumes and the best the stage designers can do is a napkin from catering on the mic stand…

  • Mr. Ellie Pooh

    Dear South America and Central America: stop killing all your native birds to construct ridiculous Miss universe costumes. Beautiful? Yes. Necessary? Definitely not.

  • quiltrx

    Miss Argentina makes all these other bitches carrying humongous, heavy shit look like high school freshmen. We should all step off.
    And Miss Nicaragua…well, I love the color palette of her Party City shopping trip. Well done.

  • quiltrx

    Oh, and…Miss Puerto Rico? I have NO idea why your dress? wings? whut? are an Irish quilt, but QuiltRx is HERE FOR THAT SHIT.

  • lol

    How much do those fucking things WEIGH.

  • AbbaGurl

    OMG TLO – you make me laugh.out. loud. Merry Christmas to kittens!

  • Jo

    how the hell do they all fit backstage?

    • Miss Disco

      now i really want to know. Do you think any of them ever get stuck together and there’s a moment where they’re like ‘maybe we should just pretend this is part of the costume?

  • Sumatra

    I guess this is the part of the competition where they prove they are willing to make absolute fools out of themselves.

  • Little_Olive

    I don’t watch the show. This is still a 15-second per person presentation, no?

  • SherryN

    I didn’t watch the show – I just need this recap from TLo!

  • myristica_fragrans

    miss finlands could’ve been some fabulous marimekko festooned thing instead of…that.

  • Imasewsure

    “Australia. We’re so butch, our drag queens are straight men.” Hilarious

  • Mona_Visa

    Miss Mexico! Hey I know she doesn’t have the biggest/fluffiest whatever, but she looks the best. And she looks like she’s actually having a good time, too. Damn. The more I look, the more I want that costume…