Kate Hudson Stars in the 2016 Campari Calendar

Posted on November 19, 2015

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Darlings, the fine folks at Campari have really outdone themselves with this year’s calendar. While they’ve always skirted up to the line of camp, they seem to have barreled right past it for this year’s entry. We give to you Decision 2016: Bitter vs. Sweet: THE CAMPAIGNENING.

Starring Kate Hudson.

January
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The Bitter Candidate promises to fight for better shapewear, public drinking, and the banishment of carbs.

February
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The Sweet Candidate thinks people worry too much and we should all put on our cutest outfits and have a drink.

March
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The Bitter Candidate has random sex with Uber drivers.

April
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The Sweet Candidate only sleeps with pilots.

May
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The Bitter Candidate wants to be very clear on the issues and also very shiny in the legs.

June
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The Sweet Candidate is largely considered to be an alcoholic by the voting public.

July
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The Bitter Candidate wows her staffers with her presentation on how to avoid camel toe while drunk.

August
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The Sweet Candidate was found passed out in an alley by one of her aides.

September
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By the time the debates roll around, both candidates are pretty much drunk all the time.

October
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Bitter, barely able to stand at this point, starts raffling away bottles of Campari in a bid to keep her campaign alive. And also to get away from all that fucking Campari before it kills her.

November
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Sweet is too drunk to realize that a tie is actually not a good thing.

December
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But Bitter and Sweet unite for the good of the country, put their hands on the sacred Book of Campari, raise their glasses for the 8th or 9th time that day, and pledge to uphold the Campari Constitution for so long as they are still able to stand. Then they fall down.

[Photo Credit: Michelangelo Di Battista/Courtesy of Campari]

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  • Lisa Roberts

    Love these calendars and LOVE almost all of these looks 🙂 She should wear red more often- it suits her.

  • Dino Bonačić

    is this even legal?

    • Sagecreek

      Huh?

      • Dino Bonačić

        oh, I forgot internet and sarcasm don’t really work well. I was thinking of the photoshop. the cheesiness. it’s awful.

        • Sagecreek

          Ah, got it, tks.

  • Gatita

    What the hell is going on with the perspective in January? She looks like Attack of the 50 foot Woman.

  • Karen B

    There’s so much photoshopping that she looks like an extra in the Polar Express.

    That being said, I hear Campari and I immediately think Larry Flynt/Jerry Falwell… anyone else?

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      The photoshopping is off the charts. Kudos to Kate for maintaining the figure to wear these clothes, and yes, she looks good in red.

      • BayTampaBay

        I really really love all the clothes but what I really really want is Mr. June. Might he be the grand-nephew of ‘The Most Interesting Man in the World”. Mr. June is my type of good looking.

        • random_poster

          That’d be nice. The Most Interesting Man commercials have taken a nosedive lately. Maybe this is the new guy they need so they’ll bring back the better commercials.

    • Jennnni

      She has also done some “photoshopping” of her face in real life which adds to the Polar Express look.

    • Bethany Joy

      “There’s so much photoshopping that she looks like an extra in the Polar Express.”

      Winner winner, chicken dinner. Amazing. Bowing.

      • quiltrx

        Just had to ‘Amen’ this!
        I do, though, feel like the hip size of the Polar Express characters was much more consistent than hers in these pics. Especially January hips are not equal to February hips.

    • AnniNoone

      I agree about the photoshopping, but get those people off my beloved Campari. I’ve never associated it with either of them. It figured heavily in the plot of this one Dick Francis book, so I’ve always associated it with mid-century English mysteries :-).

  • MaggieMae

    Super fun and I don’t care for the product!

  • shirab

    They’ve photoshopped Lindsay Lohan onto her face in a few of these shots, especially the autumn month.

    (It would be wrong to have Lindsay Lohan in one of these calendars, wouldn’t it? Yet also so, so right.)

    • Shyla

      Very wrong and very right.

  • Tanya Wade

    I wish they were both running for president. A vote for Bitter OR Sweet is a vote well spent!

  • Anna

    Love the commentary.

    As a model though, Kate Hudson as Bitter and Sweet are Bland to me, I found myself scrolling back up to take a closer look at her co-models. Bitter glares and poses with her mouth open and Bland smiles.

    • Mousentrude

      Agreed, I thought the campaign rather missed the point by there not actually being much difference between the two.

  • Capt. Renault

    No complaints — she looks great. Thematically it’s better, but I still prefer last year’s version of Eva Green chillaxin’ on the Moon.

  • Joanna B

    Last year’s with Eva Green was so much better.

    • Imasewsure

      And the two before that… Uma Thurman and Penelope Cruz… this is pretty but pedestrian (and too American)

  • Jessica Freeman

    PR teams of the year go to: David Beckham and Kate Hudson.
    Also, hellooooooo pilot from April.

  • kimmeister

    The pants on September look crazy. Is it just overzealous photoshop?

  • merciblahblah

    Bitter March looks EXACTLY like Goldie in Overboard, on the yacht in the red bathing suit and the giant red flower in her hair.

    • Imasewsure

      You are 100% correct!! But she still doesn’t have her mom’s star power… oh well, at least she’s pretty and she smiles a lot (and marries bad boys)

      • merciblahblah

        I know – she definitely seems to have her mom’s bubbly personality. I can’t help but like her.

    • Good call!

    • MilaXX

      I LOVE that movie! Haven’t watched in years so I’m sure I’d cringe at parts if I watched it again now.

  • GemFemme

    I vote for sweet for the drink and bitter for the clothes.

  • CPK1

    Lady Penelope from Thunderbirds are Go

  • I love Campari, it’s been my drink of choice for years, and while I understand they need to do marketing & this calendar is a surefire way to get attention, I don’t think it does a thing to promote them. All it does is promote Kate, and the photoshop experts on staff. The whole endeavor is a big ol’ yawn for me. That said, I do think the April photo (airplane) is pretty damn good.

    • SuzBald

      Soooo delicious. And so beautiful (Kate is lovely but I’m talking about Campari).

  • Granny Weatherall

    She is never, EVER going away…..you people LIKE her? You think she’s FABULOUS?

    My last post.

    • #teambitter I suppose.

    • Capt. Renault

      I remember when people used to put effort into their flameouts. Now it’s like they just don’t care.

    • MilaXX

      *This* is the post that makes you flounce?
      weaksauce!

    • Dany

      It’s ok Granny, you just need to take your meds 🙂

  • sugarkane105

    Kate’s polite waving game is weak.

    She looks great in red, though.

  • pasdebourree

    I love the November dress.

  • Tea Addict

    OMG I love this! haha. It’s ridiculously fabulous and I am here for it! She should get someone to do a movie version. It’s like Alcoholic Legally Blonde.

  • Radish

    Alcoholic Barbie.

  • rocketinu

    I’m not a huge fan of her but she looks great in all of these. At least they didn’t use the Kardashians/Jenners – yet.

    • BayTampaBay

      I do not even want to think about that thought!

  • December Kate on the left looks like Blake Lively.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Yes I definitely see Blake Lively in some of these… the January shot too.

    • Bethany Joy

      Holy crap. Nailed it!

  • HomeOfficeGirl

    I like the years with more whimsy best – I recall more fabulous dresses, more fun. Maybe I’m just already sick of campaigning.

    • DuBey2

      Yes and Yes.

  • Pennymac

    The December Kate on our right is wearing a red dress by Michael Costello, no lie. (The sequined one)

    • judybrowni

      Good for him!

  • frannyprof

    Love the TLo narration! KHud has been hitting the press a lot lately, no? One would think she has a line of athletic wear to promote or something.

  • MilaXX

    Can I say how much I love this? I’m not much of a fan of Kate’s but I love this campaign. I wish she would wear more red on the actual RC.

  • marlie

    I love this! Kate needs to put whoever styled her for this on her permanent payroll, because she looks pretty fabulous.

  • DyanSwan

    I am so past her, but she looks good in these shots. Photoshop?

  • GSMSF

    What’s that you say? The Virgin Whore campaign? This calendar could be the syllabus of a whole Women’s Studies course.

  • AlisonHendryx

    Is her only real project right now her athletic-wear line? Because if so, that woman is SELLING it. Between this and the magazine covers and just being all over the g.d. place, she is certainly keeping her name relevant.

  • Little_Olive

    I am seriously DYING. You have outdone yourselves in ways I didn’t think possible.

    Also, yuck. I love Campari -Negronis are my drink of choice- but the negative levels of sophistication here make me want to switch to vodka for a while.

  • Gatto Nero

    When I think of those gorgeous, evocative vintage Campari posters, I weep.

  • Belle239

    Gotta admit it, there is nothing I like better than an all-red dress. Some pretty ones here and she looks very nice in them.

  • semigeekgirl

    I miss Eva Green.

  • boweryboy

    Wow. Is it really that time of the year again? These are fun I but I would never want an election themed calendar. I prefer the over-the-top fantasy of previous years.

    • VCR1

      I have to agree. I find it an odd choice of theme given past calendars.

  • Tricia Rose

    Love you both SO much! Made my day!

  • Diane

    I love all of it, I don’t care how photoshopped it is!!! I once had a some friends over and made Campari cocktails, and I ended up drinking all of them. I guess its not everybody’s taste.

  • ccinnc

    Is June with the Most Interesting Man in the World? And PS I want nearly everything. And her body.

  • Sekhmet6

    Sex with Uber drivers. Well done, Gentlemen!

  • Fraggle

    She’s quite boring, isn’t she?
    Remember Eva Green last year? That was beautiful!

  • judybrowni

    This reminds me of one of the last episodes of Mad Men: Roger and Peggy determined on getting drunk in the ruins of the SCP office.

    PEGGY
    I’m not going to the liquor store.
    Would you drink Campari?

    ROGER
    Sadly, I would.

  • Synnamin

    ugh. maybe I shouldn’t have just read a feminist “manifesto” before opening this page. This is rubbing me in all the wrong ways. I need a shower now

  • Keyanita

    Is Sweet propositioning the Most Interesting Man in the World in June?

  • Team Bitter. Bitches get stuff done.

  • Kristin

    What is this trying to say? Campari has no flavor and has been tampered with quite a bit?

  • Shawn EH

    Okay, she’s in on it. I wasn’t sure until the TLo captions, but now I can give her a pass. Otherwise, she needs to stop stealing Eva Green’s job.

  • oneWEIRDword

    I just looked at the Penelope Cruz one from a few years ago. She slayed!

    • oneWEIRDword

      As did Eva Green!

    • Qitkat

      The best.

  • crystal76

    I love her dress and hair in the April picture!

  • ladybug

    Damn, she looks fabulous. I’m a sucker for red

  • Meg

    It looks like both are fighting for banishment of carbs 🙁
    Her bitter looks and expressions are great! And you guys have given nice perspective to it

  • quiltrx

    June is my favorite–The Most Interesting Man in the World’s Brother.
    And the detailing on the dress is cool.

  • Pound of Salt

    Bitter Forever

  • Steampunk Octopus

    Best bedtime story ever.

  • Sweet is too drunk to realize that a tie is actually not a good thing.
    Omg, seriously! I stared at that photo, thinking, “No one would actually be pleased with that outcome!”

  • Tee

    “Presentation on how to avoid camel toe while drunk.” DYING!!!

  • portlandmermaid

    Good lord, she looks cgi’d.

  • What’s the next in the sequence: Cruz, Thurman, Green…?

    Hudson? Really?

  • Judy_J

    Bitter looks strangely like Jennifer Lopez to me.

  • lol

    I think this is one of my favorite TLo posts ever

  • ladybane

    I would totally read a novel based upon those twelve captions.

  • I miss the year Pénelope Cruz did the calendar.

  • Kimberlini

    I wish I could live a photoshopped life in fabulous red…sigh.

  • ellisd123

    Is it just me, or is she working the JLo realness in March?

  • Deb Morrissey

    I’m kinda loving the TV captions from August.

  • Angelique Nolan

    I love this. It’s so photoshopped it’s like a comic book. I’d read this comic!