SIDEWALK SHOWDOWN: Taylor Swift vs Reese Witherspoon

This is it! The showdown that’s been building all summer! Sidewalk models Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift have been upping their street promenade game so much that they’ve pretty much changed the whole silly enterprise permanently. From now on, savvy, image-conscious ladystars will be more likely than ever to strap on the borrowed goods and sashay in front of the paps with an empty purse hanging off her arm. These aren’t celebrity models or attention whores. These are PIONEERS, darling. This is one small step for ladystars, one giant step for ladystarkind.

And this isn’t just a showdown, it’s a THROWDOWN, with both ladies bringing their A Game into the ring. Their weapons are neutrals, strappy sandals, purse-carrying techniques, and legs.  Let’s go to the tape.

PinTaylor Swift out and about in London in a Guess off-the-shoulder crop top and skirt paired with a Prada bag. Reese Witherspoon heading to a medical building in Beverly Hills, California in a Lovers + Friends ‘Tatum’ skirt paired with a white top, Ray-Ban sunglasses and Valentino ‘Rockstud’ pumps.

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Oooooh, it’s a tough one! Tay-Tay is bringing “dark innocence” to the table. She’s got the ingenue hair and makeup, but she’s dressed (uncharacteristically) all in black. She’s dreamy, but serious. Or depressed. Whatever her state, it allows her to dangle an ugly empty purse on her arms and think wistfully about things from behind half-lidded eyes and a blank expression. She’s a long-legged slightly serious sprite.

Ree-Ree, meanwhile, is serving up “I’M A VERY BUSY LADY.” Dream-like perfection is not on the table for this gal and she doesn’t have time to dangle empty bags on her arm. She’s loaded up and tackling shit in killer shoes, showing off killer legs, and spewing killer attitude in all directions. The skirt’s cute, but the top’s only so-so. We imagine she’s on her way to a boardroom full of men, outside of which she will pause briefly to put on a jacket with serious shoulderpad action. Then, she will enter the room bellowing “DON’T FUCK WITH ME, FELLAS,” and promptly hand each man his testicles in a Tiffany giftbag.

We vote Reese, in case that was hard to figure out. Technically, Tay’s got a cuter outfit on, but Reese has got the persona aspect of things so locked down that we have to give it to her.

[Photo Credit: Palace Lee/PacificCoastNews, Stoianov/Pablo/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES]

• Gal On The Street
• Guess
• Lovers & Friends
• Prada
• Ray-Ban
• Reese Witherspoon
• Taylor Swift
• Valentino