The Boys at the “The Expendables 3″ Spain Premiere

Posted on August 06, 2014

We can’t help but laugh at the following pictures. It’s like a puzzle game. Can YOU find the “star” with a less-than-ten-year career?

HINT: It’s the primping one.

The-Expendables-3-Spain-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Wesley Snipes, Jason Statham, Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas, and Kellan Lutz attend the ‘The Expendables 3′ premiere on August 5, 2014 in Marbella, Spain.

 

The-Expendables-3-Spain-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

The-Expendables-3-Spain-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

The-Expendables-3-Spain-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (6)

The-Expendables-3-Spain-Premiere-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (7)

 

Everyone else is all “Fuck it, I’m old. Take your goddamned picture, you stinking vultures. My knees are killing me.” Kellan’s all “Wait! Let me fix my tie! And my hair! Is this my good side? Should I be standing next to Mr. Stallone? How’s my stomach? Should I suck it in? Did you catch my bracelets? How about my pocket square? I grew a beard! My socks are red.”

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: GTRES/FAMEFLYNET PICTURES, Alter Photos/PacificCoastNews]

    • http://www.gregmce.com Greg McE

      Well, I’m glad at least Kellan Lutz was putting in the effort. I do think that Jason Statham should have fallen into that category too, but is coasting on having had an amazing professional-diver’s body for many years. Step it up, Statham.

    • sienna elm

      That’s a lot of sausage to start a Wednesday morning!

      And – in that last pic Antonio looks like he’s morphing into Billy Crystal’s brother in his old age.

      • snarkykitten

        more like overcooked bacon

    • NBG

      Could Banderas be more over this whole thing? For Pete’s sake, he’s wearing jeans that would be better suited to sanding the hardwood floors on a Saturday than standing on the RC. Antonio, stick to voice over work if you don’t want to pole-dance. Otherwise, for God’s sake, WITFU!

      • Darcy H

        Actually if I recall correctly, he looked better poledancing for the last Puss in Boots movie than he does here.

        • NBG

          I clicked on his tag above to search for the images from the Puss In Boots events and it turns out, not so much. He wore a suit to one event and jeans to two other events, including jeans that look suspiciously like these torn abominations. Meanwhile, his costar was in Gucci dresses. I just can’t with him.

          His hair looked better, though. Well-trimmed versus the shaggy dog look above.

          • Darcy H

            Oh man that is disappointing, I guess I was just more distracted by his adorable alter-ego for that poledance haha.

            • NBG

              Yes, he did a great job with the voice, even if he phoned in the poledance. I love that character.

      • RussellH88

        I know, he looks like a timid old lady.

        • MartyBellerMask

          His smile says “My teeth are in a glass next to my bed.”

          • MarandaGodbolteam

            I just >­OPEN NEXT TAB FOR MORE INFO AND HELP

          • spirit52

            hahahahahahaaa…I can’t!

      • Thomas

        He doesn’t look to be aging that well imo. Jason Statham on the other hand…

      • Kent Roby

        Apparently Melanie told him that he had to “do the red carpet”, and he thought she was telling him that he needed to install one!

        • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

          Is *that* why they broke up?!

          • Kent Roby

            Ooops, I’m apparently behind on my celeb relationship news!

      • 3boysful

        I adore Antonio, but this is awful. Bad hair, workday jeans . . . . He looks like he just got served by Melanie’s lawyers with something that has really pissed him off.

    • Darcy H

      Jason and Stallone are the only ones who look like they’re attending the same event.

      Snipes is managing to look good but, let’s be honest, he’s wearing cargo pants. Antonio looks good but standing him next to Kellan makes Kellan look desperately overdressed and Antonio looks slightly embarrassed to be the only one in jeans (and ripped ones at that).

    • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

      I want Bruce Willis to show up and school these (mostly) lazy asses how it should be done.

      • NBG

        Thinking the same thing. These photos are severely lacking some Willis.

      • MilaXX

        He did a cameo in the second one. Walked in all suited and WTFU, said his lines and rolled out. Total screen time maybe 5 min. Check I’m sure quite substantial. Besides he’s got not one, but 2 old man action movie franchises. (Die Hard & REDS)

        • Qitkat

          Based on this lineup and nothing else, I’ll take REDS. Queen Fukkinfantastica y’all!

      • spirit52

        …in his white suit!

      • alyce1213

        I like the way Sly looks (minus the unfortunate facial expression). He may not give a fuck, but he’s dressed just fine. Antonio, on the other hand . . .

    • flamingoNW

      I’d buy your interpretation if it weren’t for Wesley Snipes

      • http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/ Tom and Lorenzo

        Wesley Snipes, who looks like he’s getting ready to fire up the grill out on his deck?

        • jilly_d

          I would never forgive my father if he tried to grill in that dreck. Steak deserves better.

          • spirit52

            I nearly spit OJ on my keyboard reading your remark, Jilly!

          • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

            And I would question a person’s common sense if he were to grill anything all dressed in white. I wouldn’t even go to the kitchen if I was wearing head-to-toe white.

            • demidaemon

              Wait, isn’t that what a lot of chefs do? Confused.

            • Kari Roberts

              Many chef now wear either checkered or black pants. The shirts are white so you can bleach the piss outta them.

            • demidaemon

              That’s true, although, if the pants are getting overly dirty, I think they have other problems.

            • Josefina Madariaga Suárez

              Well, they’re chefs for a reason. Wearing white in a kitchen is a talent.

            • demidaemon

              Heh. Indeed.

        • Denise Alden

          Wesley Snipes?! I could have sworn that was Clarence Clemons come back from the great beyond.

      • MilaXX

        yeah, but Wesley’s a little on the crazy side. He might actually think these movies are going to make him relevant again.

        • demidaemon

          Well, my favorite Wesley Snipes role is Noxeema jackson, from To Wong Foo, so he doesn’t necessarily need to be relevant again to me. :)

    • Jackie Stewart

      Antonio Banderas looks like a scared little puppy in a few of those pictures.

      • Gatto Nero

        He doesn’t look happy. The wan little smile looks forced. Makes me a bit sad.

        • cocohall

          Before he and Melanie broke up, I once read a quote from him about how poorly Hollywood treats its aging female talent and how hard it was for Melanie to find work. I suspect that he is realizing that there is also a “sell by date” on male stars. Sure, they get an extra 10-15 years, but at a certain point you are reduced to working in a Sly Stallone geezer franchise. Clint Eastwood avoids this by making his own movies. But even Robert DeNiro has been in an awful lot of dreck lately. If I were him, I’d cozy up to Woody Allen or Wes Anderson who have a track record of using older stars (male and female) well.

          • demidaemon

            Yep, it’s basically either this or moving into directing/producing, voice work, and character roles. Sadly.

    • Anna

      Stallone: “We gotta catch the early bird, it’s only between 4:30 and 6.”

      LOL @ Kellan’s bad anchorman hair, thank you for this. I needed a laugh after a horrendous commute into work this morning. His pants look too short.

      • evave2

        Kellan’s pants DO look short if only he’s next to Antonio’s ‘WAY too long ones.

        I don’t know if Stallone has had any face work done (I thought Antonio did because I saw pictures where he did not look like himself at ALL but here he looks like himself; did he?) but I think he looks like a regular guy aging. Jason ALWAYS looks the same.

        The others looks like they are on vacation in Spain and got called in to Come as You Are. Snipes and Statham look “okay” but barely; Stallone looks like he’s at a luncheon for his mom’s birthday; Kellan looks overdressed (yes he does) but Antonio looks absolutely awful.

        • Thomas

          I think Stallone has had work done, but I’m not positive.

        • Fyolette

          Stallone had PLENTY of work done five-ten years ago (google-picture ‘Stallone facelift’ and feast your eyes), but had since laid off and now all of it is predictably sinking down. Gravity, you cruel mistress etc etc.

          p.s. still would.

      • In_Stitches

        That hair is terrible. Looks like he just sat in front of an air dryer for half an hour and shellacked the thing in L.A. look to finish it.

        • Anna

          Haha, yes exactly. I start laughing all over again whenever I look at it.

    • Kim Elmore

      I am ROFL at your summary of Kellan’s thoughts!!! Also, WTH is going on w Banderas? And Stallone? No comment.

    • StelledelMare

      The movies are great cheesy fun so I won’t fault them too much.

      • GillianHolroyd

        Los Mercenarios!!

        I, for one, am grateful that they are all in one cheesy movie so as not to have to see them individually in a multitude of cheesy movies.

    • Sharon Weiner

      LOL!! I actually started humming “One of these things is not like the others, can you guess which one doesn’t belong!” as I scrolled through the photos!

    • histrogeek

      Antonio’s in his home country and he looks like he just remembered he had a thing. Maybe he was painting the den before his agent called to remind him about the premiere. Seriously Tony, this is taking slumming to a new low.

      • spirit52

        LMAO @Antonio having “a thing:… I am dying reading all these snarky, clever responses to this photo!

        • Kitten Mittons

          The original post and pretty much all the comments are killing me.

    • mmebam

      I think the most annoying part in all this is that Antonio’s jeans quite possibly cost more than my monthly expenses.

      • OffToSeeHim

        God, thanks for putting that in my head! Now I find him even more annoying, and I wouldn’t have thought that was possible!

    • http://www.ellenciompi.com/ NurseEllen

      I do kind of like Sly’s orchid-colored shirt. Is Banderas holding a baseball cap??? Oh, the horror….

    • OffToSeeHim

      God, the divorce is really wearing on Antonio. I guess Melanie always picked out his clothes and smartened him up before!

    • MartyBellerMask

      This is like the instruction manual for “how to disguise a balding head”:

      1. Wear a hat
      2. Shave it all
      3. Hair plugs
      4. Comb-forward/ comb-over

      Gotta hand it to guys like Kelsey Grammer, who just leave it be.

      • imspinningaround

        Re: No. 2: At least if you shave it all it makes you look tough. The rest are just misguided.

        • MartyBellerMask

          Jason gets points for matching his head stubble to his chin stubble. If they were different lengths, I’d be getting severe eye twitches right now.

          • fursa_saida

            It’s key that a man going this route have a comprehensive stubble approach, for sure.

        • MilaXX

          yep and I like a sexy bald man. See also Willis, Bruce.

          • MartyBellerMask

            To be fair, Bruce Willis has been rocking the look for decades now. I dare say he patented the look. (In a Hollywood sense.)

            • MilaXX

              He did the comb over for a minute before wising up and shaving. Says the gal watching a repeat of the 4rd Die Hard movie for the thousandth time.

    • MissusBee

      Wesley is glad because he thinks he won. Sylvester quietly knows that Wesley is wrong. Jason has to go as suburban condos don’t sell themselves. Antonio is glad he can pull off wearing women’s jeans without anyone noticing. Kellan is worrying if the pre-RC burrito was such a good idea, especially in such constrictive clothing.

      • quiltrx

        I totally see Kellan’s ‘hand on the stomach’ pose as trying to hold in a fart!

    • NMMagpie

      I just love this. A bunch of men who are in on the joke and one who is not, even after all that Twilight madness.

    • Gatto Nero

      Looks a bit like a police lineup. Stallone and Banderas are so over it.

      • Thomas

        I wouldn’t mind being in a police lineup with them if Jason Statham was the police officer. “Arrest me Officer Statham. I’ve been a VERY bad boy.”

        • demidaemon

          HA!

          • Thomas

            “Is that a gun in your pocket?” Lol

      • Ali2044

        The Usual Geriatrics

    • ashtangajunkie

      “I grew a beard! My socks are red.” I am DYING. You guys could do another book: “The Many Thoughts of Kellan Lutz.”

      • decormaven

        I think that tome would be reduced to a pamphlet or one-page handout.

        • Swiftlytiltingplanet

          Double spaced.

          • Kitten Mittons

            With 3″ margins.

    • Dino Bonačić

      They look sad. Like, very sad.

    • http://fibonaccisequins.storenvy.com/ Danielle

      GOD BLESS WESLEY SNIPES.

    • MilaXX

      LOL. I love these old man action movies. They are dumb as all get out, but everybody gives off a “I’m collecting a check” vibe so they just go for it.

      • Swiftlytiltingplanet

        RED and RED 2 are my favorites.

    • stephbellard

      I’m pretty sure Kellan Lutz doesn’t have thoughts.

      • vitaminC

        ^^^ FTW.

    • Bonnie Blue

      Antonio couldn’t be bothered. Bet I’m not the only one who automatically hears Stallone’s voice when they see his picture. Very funny thoughts for Kellan!

    • CPT_Doom

      I seriously want that backdrop to be one of those height guides that you see on the doorways of convenience stores, so we can finally learn how short all these guys (except Kellen) really are. ‘Cause they’s three dwarves short of a remake of Snow White (with Kellen as Snow White, of course).

    • Glam Dixie

      I do not remember Wesley Snipes looking like that. I didn’t even know who he was until I read the caption, but then I didn’t recognize Antonio at first either. Kellan, your jacket is too short and so are your pants.

    • fursa_saida

      Kellan Lutz is one of the most embarrassing people whose names I actually know, and that’s really saying something. Remember when he called paps because he was reading a book in a tree? MEMORIES.

    • CPK1

      Why is Antonio Banderas wearing a pair of Melanie’s old jeans and boots?

      • MartyBellerMask

        That’s all he could get in the divorce.

      • snarkykitten

        Why is he standing like he has an invisible cane?

    • HeisenbergHattie

      Stallone for the win – based on shirt color alone!

      • Snailstsichr

        Yes, I love that bold color.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

      That genital-protection pose that Statham and Banderas are doing always reads like a football defensive wall to me.

      • quiltrx

        Now you’ve made me think of Statham in Mean Machine, and that makes me think of Vinnie Jones. Mmmm, Vinnie Jones.

    • BobStPaul

      To me the most remarkable thing about these pics is that they even made an Expendables 3.

    • Bad Idea Jeans

      Lutz looks douchey next to the rest of them.

    • snarkykitten

      My favorite part of the Expendables 3 movie is everyone’s first reaction: “aw shit, Wesley Snipes is outta jail?!”

    • housefulofboys

      Too funny. Are they all shorter than Kellan cause we start to shrink as we get older? Stand up straight, boys!

    • quiltrx

      Kellan didn’t get the “we’re not trying too hard” memo. And his pant are too short. I have to give him credit for the great hair, though.
      Antonio’s hair is upsetting me. It’s very non-sexy. And chin up, tits out, darling.
      Statham wins this round. Not that he put in a lot of effort, but that he’s so damn hot. He’s one of the few that I will accept the ‘flyaway collar’ on.

      • julnyes

        I just read this entire comment in LSP’s voice.

        • quiltrx

          And that makes me super-proud! :)

    • marlie

      Kellan Lutz should actually be grateful to be standing with this bunch. Too bad he comes off as a little too try-hard. All of the other gents have been in the business long enough that they get to wear whatever the hell they want. I don’t love Wesley’s outfit or Antonio’s jeans, but those looks suit them.

      • siriuslover

        Antonio looks like his divorce is putting him through the wringer. And Snipes’ outfit is almost laughable, but I can’t laugh at any of them except Kellan Lutz.

    • gingerella

      I have to wonder how much thought was put into this lineup considering the egos involved. Stallone had to be in the center, because it’s his franchise, and Banderas and Statham are the co-stars, so they had to be next to him. However, I notice that Stallone is leaning into Banderas in a few of these pictures, like he wants to be as far away from Statham as possible because the comparison doesn’t flatter him, and Lutz is a half space away from Banderas in all those pictures, which means he can be cut out of a lot of them easily, which I would imagine he knows, so why isn’t he staying closer?

    • drdirection

      Lutz skeeves me out

    • http://phantomminuet.blogspot.com/ MinAgain

      Antonio is not aging well. Wesley is just happy to be here. Sylvester is waiting impatiently, until he can go have some ravioli.

    • http://msavonelljrose.blogspot.com Avonell

      Dying laughing at TLo’s right now.

    • Beto

      A man who came from the 90s, another one who’s hot but forgot to style his jacket, another with a truckload of botox in his face, another standing like a linda viejecita and another one who’s a tower with red socks. There, I said it.

    • Shawn EH

      Best “which one of these is not like the others?” ever! I think I’m feeling Snipes the most.

    • Swiftlytiltingplanet

      “My socks are red.” Bwahahahahahahahaha!

    • sleepycat

      I will always maintain that Lutz is gay, but I don’t think that dressing nice for a movie premiere should be something that pegs a guy. However, these guys are boring and this “franchise” is nothing more to keep a regular paycheck, or regular surgeries in Stalone’s case. This is also showing that I do everything in my power to keep away from the types of movies in general, although there was that one time that I confused The Italian Job with The Bank Job. #doorknob

    • altermyego

      This is sad. Just plain ol’ sad.

    • SistaT

      *howl* *HOWL* It looks like Wesley’s even giving him the side-eye. “Calm down, young buck.”
      What in the world happened to Antonio Banderas?!

    • MizShoes

      See, and I thought Banderas looked like John Malkovich in a bad wig.

    • ItAin’tMe

      Oi…I’m plotzing from the decrepitude.

    • in a pickle

      Banderas looks like he’s thinking, “why did I ever leave Almodovar? How did I get here?” He should be thinking of firing his hair stylist.

    • Ali2044

      Who the fuck is Kellan Lutz?

    • Samuel Jason

      They all look decent for their age. Steroids and plastic surgery baby! Lutz is a douche.