No. Absolutely not. It is a universal rule that the quality of a reality television competition declines sharply with each second of highly (and awkwardly) staged scenarios (see: “America’s Next Top Model”). This looks like a low-budget version of a Real Housewives franchise. Why are the “paparazzi” all dressed alike, like henchmen on a Batman TV show? Why do we think they just borrowed some cameras from the window display behind them, since none of those cameras look professional grade? Oh, Project Runway. You vex us in your dotage.
As for the challenge, because it’s Friday and we’re lazy, we’re just gonna repeat what we said yesterday in the PR Open Thread (which you should all hang out in on Thursday nights, because the Bitter Kittens really unsheath their claws to delicious effect):
“We have no idea why they return to this well every season. It just seems like a reason for all of the designers to go as safe as possible (which means a really boring runway) and Heidi gets to down a bottle of bitch vitamins and unleash a lot of producer-generated vitriol as she parades through the work room like she’s Coco Chanel.”
And to that we would add that the designers are under a totally unworkable limitation – and no, we’re not talking about the ludicrous idea of making an Emmys gown in no more than 16 hours. It’s the silly conceit of talking about issues of taste when the brief is to design a red carpet gown for HEIDI FREAKING KLUM.
A refresher, in case you need one:
Heidi Klum at the “America’s Got Talent” Season 8 Live Voting Rounds Kick-off Pre-Show at Radio City Music Hall in New York City in a Versace dress paired with Saint Laurent shoes and Lorraine Schwartz jewelry.
Our case, it is rested. Everyone knows she secretly loved all the flashy, tacky, skin-baring designs, but because she was standing next to Tim, everyone had to pretend she was Cate Blanchett or something.
How do you get Tim to mentor a challenge like this? How do you please Nina? What are you supposed to do when Heidi sniffs and acts offended by the idea of a python print, when it’s clear she’d prefer the world to think she skins cats in her spare time? We joked on the twitters that it shouldn’t be all that hard to design a dress for Heidi, given her style preferences, but the designers were all restricted to designing for this fictional version of Heidi.
Which is why this dress won, really:
Sean managed the trick of making something that really spoke to Heidi’s attention-seeking side while at the same time preventing Nina and Zac from having to award the win to something they found revolting. This was perhaps a bit overpraised, but that’s been the case for every win so far this season. The judges are working really hard to act like they’re seeing rare displays of talent and innovation, instead of mostly really basic stuff.
Don’t get us wrong; we think it’s good and probably the most deserving of the win, but it didn’t set our world on fire or anything. We thought it looked really heavy.
Again with Kini making decent, but basic looks. He seems like a really sweet guy, but he’s way too smug about how he finishes challenges hours before everyone else. If you have hours to perfect your work, then perfect it. This is good, but far from great.
We just can’t with this one. That shit is straight up ugly and the judges all gritted their teeth and pretended it was chic. Amanda II: The Gretchening continues.
Enh. It’s dramatic, but too voluminous. And it looks dated. Char really needs to step it up – and soon.
See? This is what we mean. If everyone was being honest, this would have been the clear winner. It’s tacky as shit, but Heidi ate it up with a spoon.
This was pretty, a little bit different, and yet totally Heidi. The only reason we can think why it might not have scored higher (aside from the judges’ inexplicable boredom with fade) is that the train looked a little flimsy and might have benefitted from a lining.
We don’t think she did anything wrong, necessarily, by immediately scooping up the budgets of all the people not going to mood, but that kind of Wendy Pepper-style maneuvering (after all, she admitted she was doing it as much to keep the money out of others’ hands as to keep it for herself) doesn’t exactly make her look good. And it definitely makes her earlier tattling to Tim look very calculated.
Anyway, we were split on this one. Lorenzo liked it, but Tom thought the lace looked terrible over that sickly-looking green-gold, and the dress looked heavy and shapeless.
STEP. IT. UP. GIRL.
Her stuff is consistently forgettable, week after week.
We like Alexander, but this was not the time for your fashion student experiments. Heidi would never wear something like this, even if you raise the hem in the back right up to her ass cheeks.
Let’s just take the bottom 3 as a group:
None of these were good and we’re pretty okay with how the low score shook out. But it seems to us that Kristine is the only one out of the three who’s shown promise in her work. If you were going to do a double elimination, then it should have been Mitchell and Korina. Their dresses were basic and ugly. Kristine’s dress was at least a little different and nowhere near as awful as Korina’s.
Seriously, WHY would you run out to buy more drab green fabric after Heidi hated the first drab green fabric you picked? Girl should’ve gone home just for being so clueless.
We really missed Kors last night. He would have had a field day making lip jokes about Mitchell’s dress.
[Photo Credit: Barbara Nitke for Lifetime, Getty Images - Stills: tomandlorenzo.com]