Jennifer Lopez in Elie Saab at the 2014 Teen Choice Awards

Posted on August 11, 2014

This is a dress that says fairly loudly and clearly, “HELLO, TEENS. I HOPE YOU WILL CONTINUE TO CHOOSE ME.”

Jennifer-Lopez-Elie-Saab-2014-Teen-Choice-Awards-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Jennifer Lopez at the 2014 Teen Choice Awards at The Shrine Auditorium in an Elie Saab mini dress paired with Neil Lane Jewelry and Ermanno Scervino sandals.

Jennifer-Lopez-Elie-Saab-2014-Teen-Choice-Awards-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)Elie Saab Spring 2014 Collection

Jennifer-Lopez-Elie-Saab-2014-Teen-Choice-Awards-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Jennifer-Lopez-Elie-Saab-2014-Teen-Choice-Awards-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3B)Ermanno Scervino Spring 2014 Collection

Jennifer-Lopez-Elie-Saab-2014-Teen-Choice-Awards-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Jennifer-Lopez-Elie-Saab-2014-Teen-Choice-Awards-Red-Carpet-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

Oh, look, Jenny. Look. Your cooch has a thought balloon. Let’s listen in and see if we can’t divine what it’s thinking…


“I’m freezing and I’ve been doing this a long time. Please. Give me a break, for God’s sake.”


Words to ponder, Jenny.






[Photo Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images, IMAXTree, Ermanno Scervino]

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  • Kathy_Marlow

    ice skater in her long program outfit. matchy matchy shoes, while beautiful, are too matchy

    • schadenfreudelicious

      yup, it’s a 1.0 from the Canadian judge….

  • StelledelMare

    It is very clearly too tight around the torso.

  • kimmeister

    That poor ribbon at her waist is about to burst. Not your size, JLo. And that lipstick clashes terribly.

    • spirit52


  • Scimommy

    Dead. Deaded. Dead. Why are you so funny???

  • stellavision

    All she needs to do is swap out those matchy shoes for a pair of ice skates.

    • sk8tfan

      C’mon, skaters do better than this!

  • AC Simons

    “This dress is too tight, too short, and too young, and oh yeah, your hair looks busted, too.”

    • Jane Donuts

      Don’t forget the unfortunate lipstick choice!

  • mom2ab

    Mutton dressed as lamb. With lots of mint jelly.

    • Wink

      So glad I scrolled through the comments before writing this same ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ comment (but without your hilarious ‘mint jelly’ side note)!

  • Karen Belgrad

    The dress also says “Tara Lipinski had a garage sale”… The cooch thought balloon says “Ben Affleck has two Oscars?”

    • spirit52


  • FibonacciSequins

    Pretty shoes but they’re showing off her bunion.

    • kimmeister

      I had to scroll back to look . . . OUCH!

    • Leah Elzinga

      oh gawd! Why’d I scroll back up?! ouch!

    • FrigidDiva

      Before I saw that picture I was thinking “God, I want those shoes. I wish I had legs that looked like hers.” Then I saw THAT picture and I thought, “Nope, I’ll stick with my flats.”

      • FibonacciSequins

        Flats FTW! I know bunions aren’t always caused by wearing heels, but I am doing what I can ensure I never get them. Ouch!

  • sagecreek

    Oh, dear. Too tight.

  • @Biting Panda

    I can smell the desperation from here.

    • Kitten Mittons

      Smells Like Teen Choice.

      • @Biting Panda


    • Wendi126

      Cooch bubble thought?

  • Avonell

    Died at that cooch thought that I completely forgot what I was gonna say.

  • DuBey2

    I hate the lace and the green match shoes on the Runway AND on JLo. But I love the thought balloon!
    All that lace just makes me feel itchy and in a bad mood at the thought of wearing it. Please let this trend die soon.

  • Danielle

    It’s eerie, isn’t it? Like Lea Michele is looking into the future.

    • ljh

      Lea Michele would have the sleeves removed, as well as the sheer panel covering her poitrine, for maximum exposure.

      • spirit52

        Lea Michele is wretched

    • Anna

      The conundrum of our age: is Lea Michele dressing like J-Lo or is J-Lo dressing like Lea Michele?

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        The fact that this garment has long sleeves takes it out of Lea Michele’s wheelhouse.

    • KateShouldBeWorking


  • WinterSantiaga

    I really like the color on her but that’s about it…

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Is this how JLo or her stylist thinks hip moms would dress for this venue?

    • imspinningaround

      “I’m not like a regular mom! I’m a cool mom!”

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        This is moving into MILF territory.

      • formerlyAnon

        “I’m the mom that makes my kids’ friends kinda . . . uncomfortable . . .”

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          I remember hearing that phrase when I used to watch the Real Housewives of Orange County and having a distinctly icky feeling.

    • kimmeister

      It’s how women/entertainers/mothers dress.

      • bitchybitchybitchy


  • Kiltdntiltd

    Fit is rather wonky in the bodice, and that is Too Short, JLo.
    (crossing curmudgeonly arms in distaste)

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      My first thought was that this makes JLo look stumpy(and now I’m going to run and hide because I know that JLo will find me)

      • 3boysful

        I’ll say it again–this silhouette does not flatter the curvy. The proportions go wonky.

  • Nikko Viquiera

    This actually looks good. But I guess after all those other dresses from this event, this actually looks classy. I like it.

  • HeisenbergHattie

    Thought balloon: “Help! These spanx are suffocating me to death.”

  • Mooky1230

    I would like this if it was longer…this is an ice skater’s dream.

  • frannyprof

    She looks like a bridesmaid who desperately wants to get laid. TLo, can you make a new feature called “If celebrity cooches could talk?” Thank you!

  • Sarah

    Does she think wearing ALL the rings is a youthful choice? Because figure skaters don’t usually have that much jewelry.

    • Stefanie Argudo Mackenzie

      Yah….looks like she wiped out every Emerald seller on the street corners in Bogota.

    • BKagainwiththesweatpants

      Channeling Sammy Davis Jr…

    • TheDivineMissAnn

      They look like stylized brass knuckles.

  • Yaysita

    Oh, J.Lo, I love you, but you are not even teen adjacent.

  • Jennifer Bober

    Too long in the torso for her frame and way too matchy.

  • lilibetp

    I’m sure that would have been very cute on someone young. Out.

  • decormaven

    Cooch thought balloon: “I’m looking over a four leat clover…”

  • Boobs Radley

    I’m assuming going a size up is verboeten? Cuz even if she’s spanxed to high heaven, that bodice/waist looks tight.

  • Amelia Ross

    What do teens nowadays know J-Lo as? A judge on American Idol?

  • KateShouldBeWorking

    Lopez,you are too trash-tactic for my beloved Elie Saab. Get into some Versace like god and nature intended.

  • Laylalola

    See, this is what Taylor Swift should have worn. But won’t for another 25 years.

  • Leslie Streeter

    Figureskating with doilies. No.

  • Jacob Bowen

    I was under the impression in the first few photos that she was holding a thought bubble clutch…and could not imagine her having thoughts.

  • teensmom99

    Teen choice–where the adults dress like teens.

  • Ruby_Wednesday

    If she had some black tights and a headband she could take the female lead in a Riverdance production.

    • Kristi Mitchell

      Ha ha ha! That’s all I can see now. Especially in the pic with her hand on her hip!

  • enchanted216

    A fall dress that is also too small (and too short).

  • Ashleigh

    holy SHIT, that’s funny!!
    When I first saw this I thought, oh girl chopped off a Elie Saab, but no, they had JLO in mind the whole time…

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    Her cooch is thinking, “HOLA LOVERS!”

    Love those GFY posts so hard.

  • MilaXX

    Girl stop! You are old enough to have given birth to 75% of the attendees. That dress is too short. Listen to your freezing va ja-jay.

  • elleg929

    I died at the thought balloon. Day. Made.

  • Kristi Mitchell

    She looks like a mom trying to squeeze into her daughter’s homecoming dress to prove she’s still got it. LOVE the shoes, though.

    • Gatto Nero

      I think that’s a bunion, which would require an osteotomy.

      • Kristi Mitchell

        Figured it was one of the two, can’t remember which is which. In either case she should get that taken care of.

  • elemspbee

    Clearly from the Mail Order Bride collection at the nearest… Target? Khols? With the MOB working to fit in her prom dress from 1988? Intervention desperately needed–from head to toe.

  • kmk05

    ONE SIZE UP JENNY. The block demands it! Don’t look at me, I love Elie Saab. But in the right size, because it is so close to Tacky Lacy Town already.

  • fromanotherplanet

    Those legs though. Slay mami, SLAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!

  • JR Labrador

    Jenny’s cooch is thinking that she could be the abuela of most of the audience.

  • ChiKat67

    She is at least 20 years too old for that dress in that length. If you insist, then go up a size and lower the hem 2 inches.

    • Sara__B

      Thanks for putting into words what I was thinking.

  • SewingSiren

    And the hottest Elf in Santa’s workshop presents.

  • NurseEllen

    This whole look is WAY past its expiration date. Grow up, Jennifer.

  • marlie

    I love the dress on the model, but the dress is like six sizes too small for Jenny. It’s a shame, brecause it could have been a really cute look if it actually fit. And I really like the shoes. We’ll not speak of the hair or that hiddy orange lipstick.

  • cocohall

    Bless her brand manager heart, she gives and gives and gives. Although compared to Lea Michelle, at least this look steers more towards “too young, too sweet” and not towards “too sexy. ” Let’s face it, you put this dress on a teenager (but mine would wear it with Converse or ballet flats) and it would be completely appropriate. It also appears to be in the size that my daughters wear, but that is an entirely different issue. Some women (I’m distinctly not one of them) don’t seem comfortable unless their clothing fits like a tourniquet. I think we will all know EXACTLY the moment JLo hits menopause, as this shit will stop. I’m sorry, but anything tight and lace is not the clothing of choice when the hot flashes begin. Enjoy it while you can, mami.

    But legs. They are the last to go. Damn, she will be rocking the minis into her 70s I bet.

    • demidaemon

      I think you are a bit hopeful on what will happen when she hits menopause. I expect this shit to be taken to twenty one and higher.

  • Tracy_Flick

    Very pageant.

  • formerlyAnon

    This outfit says “Remember that friend whose mother embarrasses him/her dreadfully with her idea of ‘appropriate’ and who makes a lot of your friends really . . . uncomfortable? . . .”

  • crash1212

    Well…hmmm, if she had to wear this dress, she should’ve gone up a size. I do love her shoe choice over the models…and the crotch thought balloon is priceless.

  • Tee

    “Your couch has a thought balloon . . .”. Funniest gay uncle quip EVER!

  • flamingoNW

    I think it’s perfectly J Lo and is one of the better versions of her style leanings, but I sure wish she would go for longer skirts…

  • demidaemon

    This is one of TLo’s finest posts. I bow down to you as I laugh my ass off.

  • Tigerfly

    I’m waiting with eager anticipation for the new “Deep Thoughts from J-Lo’s Cooch” segment…

  • Lisalady161

    Her in that dress reminds me of the old cigarette ads: “So round, so firm, so fully packed…”

  • kat89

    Slutty Bridesmaid

  • PinkyK

    The dress seems a little tight thus making her look chunky…and there is NO WAY she is chunky!

  • Milos Mom

    lol…. this has got to be the funniest post I’ve read on this blog. Kudos and thanks for the good laugh.

  • Diane Iafrate

    this is a joke post, right?

  • spirit52

    FABULOUS LEGS! However, this dress is too short for her age. Just cause she’s over 40 doesn’t mean she can’t wear a short dress….but not “little girl short”

  • LesYeuxHiboux

    When J. Lo looks like Kelly Clarkson, something has gone terribly wrong.

  • CatLady

    I love the color and the shoes but the dress is completely wrong for her.

  • sk8tfan

    I am TOO still relevant, you snot dribbling brats. Now shut up and fork over your parents’ hard earned dough on some of my products.

  • Coco Chanel

    Everything she wears is saying “yes. I’m 45 and I still have better legs than you( I’m talking to you 25 year olds!)” this dress is too sort though and has awkward proportion. Trying way too hard

  • SoAnnaPropriate

    Has anyone claimed Cooch Thought Balloon as a band name yet? If not, it’s mine.

  • yllas

    “Choose me, Teens” ?? for what? Heifer looks pretty proud of herself, though. With those extensions and smirk, she gives off a faint Julia Roberts vibe.

  • E. D.

    Too short, too tight. Surprisingly good color on her though.

  • annmartina

    She could look younger and hipper if she wasn’t trying so hard

  • Ali2044

    Those shoes, I would do terrible things for them…