Cover Boy: Chris Pratt for Esquire Magazine

Posted on August 06, 2014

It’s possible the internet has reached peak Chris Pratt this week. It’s like everyone fell in love with him at once. He’s the male Jennifer Lawrence of the moment; every utterance is declared adorable, every outfit is discussed, every picture dissected. Given Hollywood’s tendency to wring every single dollar out of the public’s fleeting fascinations, we expect to hear within the month that he and J Law have been cast as co-stars in an upcoming movie. It’s only a matter of time at this point.

 

 

 

Chris-Pratt-Esquire-Magazine-September-2014-Issue-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Chris Pratt covers the September 2014 issue of Esquire magazine photographed by Nigel Parry.

 

Chris-Pratt-Esquire-Magazine-September-2014-Issue-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Chris-Pratt-Esquire-Magazine-September-2014-Issue-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

The picture on the boat is EVERYTHING A GUYDITORIAL SHOULD BE. We can’t love that enough. No roadside diner backdrops for this dude.

And yet, even Esquire can’t seem to get a properly fitted suit for him. Chris Pratt may wind up singlehandedly killing the skinny suit trend.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Nigel Parry for Esquire Magazine]

    • M_E_S

      I kind of miss his chunky Andy Dwyer days, but I hope he never stops being a goof. That boat picture is SPECTACULAR and 200% what Andy would insist on for a photoshoot.

      • Julie Chase

        Burt Maclin is out to recover the president’s rubies!

        • jilly_d

          FANFIC!

          • JeanDNelson

            I just <- got paid $7500 parttime working online with a lap-top b­­­­­­­­y ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­G­­­­­­­­­­­­oog­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­l­­­­­e­­­­­­­­­­­­­.I­ a­­m ­­­­­­­­­m­­a­­k­­­­i­n­­­g ­­­­­­­­­a ­­­­­­­­­go­­od ­­­­­­­­­sa­­la­­ry ­­­­­­­­­fr­­­om ­­­­­­­­­h­­.o­­m­e ­­­­­­­­­$­­5­5­0­0­­­­­­­­­-­­­­­­­­­$­­70­0­0/w­­­­­e­e­kL­­­ast Monday got a brand new BM­­­W since getting a check for $647­­­4 this – 4 weeks past. I beg­­­an this 8-months ago and imm­­­ediately was bringing home at lea­­­st $97 per hour. I wo­­­rk thr­­­ough this link, go to tech tab for work det­­­ail­­­

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        • macaroni

          I just almost spit my wine on the keyboard.

        • Wendi126

          Posthaste!

        • Alanna

          Only if Judy Hitler is piloting the boat!

        • ShaoLinKitten

          Stolen by Janet Snakehole, no doubt.

        • BKagainwiththesweatpants

          Macklin, you sonovabitch!

      • bravobravp

        It’s like my little brother has grown up and gone to college and I have such conflicting emotions about it.

    • LipstickForPigs

      I get the feeling that the boat pic is a nod to Archer. All this does is fan the flames of my crush. (see what I did there)

      • TinyDynamo

        Twinsies! And if it’s a nod to Archer, I might just die of love right now.

      • Fanny_Trollope

        First read that as “fan the fires of my crotch.” Well, yes.

        • LipstickForPigs

          Phrasing…

      • imspinningaround

        BURT MACKLIN IS COMMANDEERING THIS AIRBOAT!

    • http://fibonaccisequins.storenvy.com/ Danielle

      Total FBI agent Burt Macklin vibes.

    • Frank_821

      yes the boat picture is awesome and fun

    • hughman

      That suit in the last pic is the WORST. I’ve never seen a men’s suit jacket with an Empire Waist.

      • Imasewsure

        Oh gawd let’s hope we never see it again… could be a trend if the wrong boystar sees it and gets an inkling!!

      • marlie

        I didn’t even notice the placement of the buttons on the suit until you pointed it out. So the buttons are too high, and the sleeves are too long? {sigh}

      • venusvelvet

        Unfortunately I’ve not only seen it IRL, but with the tie popping out, looking like it was trying to escape.

      • MoHub

        I can almost hear the back and shoulder seams splitting.

      • TAGinMO

        Plus, DIFFERENT-LENGTHED, WRINKLY SLEEVES in a magazine editorial? For the love of Pete, why? It’s mind-boggling that they would have been allowed to wrinkle in the first place, but surely they could have at least been Photoshopped…???

        • heartbot

          One sleeve only looks shorter/wrinkly because that arm is bent. But yeah, photoshop could still have happened.

    • Bad Idea Jeans

      Why do they even HAVE HIM IN SUITS?? Who would wear a frickin’ suit in the Everglades?
      I want that boat photo.

      • Kent Roby

        I think the dichotomy of him being overdressed in that environment is the thing that works.

      • Freynika

        It looks like just a cheesy backdrop to me to further accentuate how the damn suit doesn’t fit.

    • Janet B

      The air-boat photo is fantastic. Fantastic.

      His jackets look too short through the torso. Weird.

    • PinkyK

      His pants are so tight all I can picture is him pulling out the inevitable wedgie when thinks no one is looking!

    • MilaXX

      You would think they would either get him a suit that fits or photoshop it better.

      • Wink

        Photoshop is their only hope because, apparently, ALL of the suits are too tiny for men with a waist bigger than 29 inches.

    • Mothra

      That swamp suit is TOO SMALL.

    • JauntyJohn

      I know we project a lot onto our stars — even those of us who know we do it still do it — but I would bet you anything that the boat shot was his idea. Maybe not the boat being in the shoot or anything, but he just seems to be the epitome of “gusto.”

      I adore.
      Also, I am beginning to think it’s not the tailors but the designers who are at fault in so many of these suit shots.
      If you want to see GORGEOUS suits and impeccable tailoring, check out “The Great Beauty.” Film is long but the sartorial splendor is to the moon.

    • jilly_d

      How much Chris Pratt is too much Chris Pratt? The limit does not exist.

      And I for one won’t mind a bit if the skinny suit dies a long, painful death. Especially if it ushers in a new era of Pratt-esque beefcakes who never could wear them.

      • macaroni

        I do kind of love the skinny suit trend, but only because it’s the style that best suits Mr. Macaroni. He’s tall & thin but broad-shouldered, so it’s hard for him to suits that fit. (Or was, rather. Now it’s not a problem at all.)

        • jilly_d

          Point taken. Mr. Jilly looks strikingly like Andy Dwyer. Wouldn’t it be amazing if the fashion world made suitable clothes available at all times for all body shapes, instead of whatever they deemed currently “in”? It would really be something.

          • macaroni

            I know, right? What a novel concept!

      • Eclectic Mayhem

        Liked for both the sentiment and the Mean Girls quote.

    • j_am

      HE’S ON A BOAT!!

    • http://www.jaimieteekell.com/ Jaimie

      Ugh, him and J Law in a movie? I hate myself for finding that irresistible.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        I’m equally nauseated at myself for hoping this happens. Now, should it be a comedy or drama? The easy answer is comedy, but I’d love to see him do a romantic lead. Yum.

        • http://www.jaimieteekell.com/ Jaimie

          It should be something like Silver Linings Playbook for extra irresistibleness… I mean nausea.

          • ShaoLinKitten

            A doomed love story would be really amazing… I mean vomitaceous.

    • Kate

      I wonder if it is so humid that the fabric is just sticking to him? It sure looks that way in two of the shots!

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

      WOOF. I haven’t seen Guardians of the Galaxy yet (BAD NERD – had to go into the office this weekend/other plans/problemas) but I already want the boyf to cosplay Star-Lord because feelings.

      • Sarah

        I haven’t seen it either because I’m nerdy but POOR and don’t go to the movies, however I just have to say that I was very disappointed to find out Rocket Raccoon was Bradley Cooper. I am not a fan. Then again, I’m not a fan of Vin Diesel, either, and he’s a frikkin’ tree. I should just be glad Prat’ll be in it with this bulky self. Nice.

        • Eclectic Mayhem

          Rocket sounds enough like himself (because there’s no one else quite like him) for you to forget it’s Cooper. And Diesel is brilliant as Groot. I hope you get to see it soon because it is awesome.

          • kerryev

            For real, Vin Diesel made me cry.

          • Sarah

            I will see it in three to six months when it is on DVD, and I will anticipate it with glee based on all yer accolades :)

          • http://www.franticbutfabulous.com/ Heidi/FranticButFab

            Agree. I’m not a Bradley Cooper fan so I wasn’t so thrilled when they announced he was doing the voice of Rocket, but damn if he didn’t pull it off. Ditto for Vin Diesel’s Groot.

        • marlie

          It was so much fun! And you wouldn’t know that it was Cooper and Diesel just from the voices.

          Also: the soundtrack. For reals.

        • jilly_d

          I used to really dislike Bradley Cooper as well, but then I saw some YouTube vids of him doing impressions – he’s excellent, and seems (in interviews anyway) to be less douchey than I originally imagined him to be. At any rate, he’s a talented voice actor. I saw GotG today, and I wouldn’t have known it was BC. It’s a really fun movie BTW. Plus, Pratt Thighs.

          • Sarah

            Yes, Thighs indeed! Good stuff. I don’t know why I dislike Cooper. I don’t think he’s a bad actor, and I am not really convinced he’s a super-douche either, but I guess it’s an irrational thing based on the roles he’s played. I just love a raccoon in any instance, so I’d rather Rocket was played by someone I like, also. I will go with you alls’ recommendations and trust that he does a decent job of it.

            • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

              I have the same feels about Cooper – something about hims screams DOUCHE. I don’t know why. I blame the shitty rom-coms he was in.

              Also ditto being poor as one of the reasons I haven’t seen it yet. MORNING MATINEE HERE I COME

            • In_Stitches

              I loathe Bradley Cooper. He’s on my list with Justin Timberlake and Ben Stiller. Nevertheless, I loved him in GotG (and Silver Linings Playbook). He was fantastic.

            • Sarah

              Yeah, I thought he was okay in Silver Linings, too. I see you your list and add DiCaprio. I have never liked him, and I have even less of a reason for that than I do Cooper. Just a guy I couldn’t imagine liking IRL I guess.

            • In_Stitches

              Oh DiCaprio is definitely on the list!

          • martha jones

            This all seems so strange to me since I LOVE Bradley Cooper. But that is probably because he will always be Sydney’s friend Will to me. (If y’all haven’t watched Alias, get on that.)

    • titaness25

      Oh. He’s serving up the Sex Eyes on the cover. Mraw.

      • quiltrx

        In that pic, it’s like he’s everything Ben Affleck wishes he was (and thinks he is).

    • trisker

      He is SO adorable in G of the G — the perfect twerp/intergalactic badass combo.

      • AnneElliot

        I had no desire to see this movie until I saw an extended preview at Disneyland. I’ve now seen the movie twice, bought that soundtrack, and can’t wait for the DVD release. And Groot made me cry.

        I’ve started binge-watching Parks and Recreation just to see Andy.

    • Anna

      Esquire, you had me at sandwiches and Chris Pratt. No such thing as too much of him, just can’t get enough.

    • Sobaika

      I posit that the best Chris Pratt was the Evrrwood edition (teenage me is speaking).

    • Kirstin McAulay

      That Airboat shot sums up StarLord to everyone who has not seen/read Guardians!!! LOVE HIM!!

    • J.W.

      The last two photos look photo shopped to me. The proportions are weird.

    • Anique Ashraf

      Now I feel like a hipster for liking him before Guardians.

    • KateShouldBeWorking

      Dammit, GQ, I trust you for two things: vague duchery and well-fit suits. Get it together, at least on the suit front.

    • Imasewsure

      The boat picture is awesome… and he looks great but not one properly fitted suit as our dear uncles have rightly noted.

    • Dandesun

      That boat shot is so amazing that I forgive that shit-fitting suit in the last one. The cover shot looks fine, probably because it’s not buttoned and he’s giving world class SMOLDER. But the shot on the boat is EVERYTHING. It’s Andy Dwyer AND Starlord. On a flying boat! I can’t love it enough!

    • MW

      The last picture puzzled me for a while until it appeared to me that he somehow looks like a love child of Paul Rudd and Bryan Cranston.

    • Lindit

      That boat pic got me to yell out “YUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS”

      I never done that for a men’s editorial pic. Ever.

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      CHEEKBONES.

    • Matthew Davie

      I keep thinking “Maybe THIS will be the time when Chris will get an outfit that look amazing on his rockin’ bod” and then, yet again, he ends up looking…just..THICK. It is possible for brawny to look amazing in suits. He needs to find Scott Pelley’s tailor.

    • TwiddlyStun

      That last photo is very Affleck-y, isn’t it?

    • http://instagram.com/nevareese International Model

      “The picture on the boat is EVERYTHING A GUYDITORIAL SHOULD BE.”

      Sirs T&Lo, kindly remove yourself from my head. It’s getting spooky think it and then read it.

    • marlie

      Aside from the fit issues (which are fairly minor to me), I LOVE this guydatorial. That second picture is EVERYTHING.

      • http://www.snoskred.org/ Snoskred

        Absolutely everything. :) Not only that, all of the pics are well lit, and photographed well. Finally! Nigel Parry, you can photograph, everything forever. Just do not get “arty” or stop using great lighting.

    • somebody blonde

      Agreed on the boat picture. So fab. The third one looks a little overly green screen. Also, I think he looks cuter sans mustache.

    • FibonacciSequins

      The photo of him on the boat is everything.

    • OffToSeeHim

      Love him so unreservedly.

      • matildarf

        Me too. He can do no wrong. Even in a poorly fitted suit.

    • siriuslover

      Love the boat picture–reflects his irreverence nicely, I think. But yeah, the suits? I mean, come on, Esquire!

    • Diana

      I fell in love with him when he was in Everwood, so you guys are all late to the party (but welcome, we’re happy to have you!). Anybody remember Everwood?

      • mshesterp

        I’m seriously re-watching Season 4 now (I’ve had it for 2 years), and it just happened to fall in this time of overwhelming Pratt-ness. I need to finish it, then re-watch GotG. Bright! Ephram and Amy! Earnestness! Love that show.

    • Martha Anderson

      and the difference between the size and length of the two arms. who photo shopped this item. This poor dude has a left arm that looks about 3 inches longer than the right. The hand swollen at least 25% more. This is not a positional artifact, this is photo editing at its worse.

      • Ali2044

        Wow, now I can’t unsee it.

    • Qitkat

      Haha, he’s not anywhere near the boat or the forest is he?

    • stubbornthoughts

      I’m going to blow up that boat picture and hang it up in my house. It is PERFECTION.

    • MissusBee

      Chris Pratt and LUPITA in a movie.

      • Shelby

        Jeezus damn. I would watch the hell out of that.

        • MissusBee

          Thanks! I’ll be here all week.

      • Tina M.

        I don’t know if Hollywood can handle that much creativity so I would settle for them starring in a remake of The Bodyguard

        • MissusBee

          Love it. Although be great to have him as the spoilt star and her as the ex CIA pro who has no time for his BS. No idea what state the Pratt pipes are in so will file all singing as TBC.

          • natty_bat

            Oh My God, I would watch that movie SO HARD.

          • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

            Oh god yes. This and the idea in your OP need to be movies I can be binge-watching on Netflix right now.

            • MissusBee

              Better get to work. Especially as I’m seeing the OP idea including a parody ‘Pretty Woman’ sequence where she takes him shopping (he hates it, but has to fit in to protect her at a society event so no choice) and a cameo for two internationally-renowned fashion bloggers at the end, where they pronounce a pairs division 10/10.

    • RescueMe23

      Love that boat picture – ride ‘em!

    • JeanDNelson

      I just <- got paid $7500 parttime working online with a lap-top b­­­­­­­­y ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­G­­­­­­­­­­­­oog­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­l­­­­­e­­­­­­­­­­­­­.I­ a­­m ­­­­­­­­­m­­a­­k­­­­i­n­­­g ­­­­­­­­­a ­­­­­­­­­go­­od ­­­­­­­­­sa­­la­­ry ­­­­­­­­­fr­­­om ­­­­­­­­­h­­.o­­m­e ­­­­­­­­­$­­5­5­0­0­­­­­­­­­-­­­­­­­­­$­­70­0­0/w­­­­­e­e­kL­­­ast Monday got a brand new BM­­­W since getting a check for $647­­­4 this – 4 weeks past. I beg­­­an this 8-months ago and imm­­­ediately was bringing home at lea­­­st $97 per hour. I wo­­­rk thr­­­ough this link, go to tech tab for work det­­­ail­­­

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    • LibKat

      Finally saw GotG yesterday and he is cute as a bug. Is he too sweet to complain about the tailoring?
      JenLaw comedy – she’s a star who is charm personified in public, bitch in private and he is her long-suffering, hot ginger handler.

      • MarissaLG

        I would so see that movie! Maybe his mother is sick back home and so he has to take an extended leave of absence from Hollywood. J.Law follows him there for some reason and her cold, celebrity heart is melted by some down-home food, and down-home people.

        • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

          Someone make this movie already!

      • MarissaLG

        Or wait! She suffers a very public melt-down and her agent/publicist/etc demands that she take a break from Hollywood. HGH Pratt suggests she go to his grandma’s house in Small Town. USA. She goes down there and goes through some personal growth but something happens and she escapes back to Hollywood. She and Chris have already had a lot of flirty, almost kisses by that point and he goes back to Cali to get her and they fall in love.

    • suzinrva

      He clearly needs to go to a suit maker for the proper fit…get this man bespoked!

    • teensmom99

      Since I’ve been in love with him forever and even endured Guardians of the Galaxy just for him, I’ll take this internet moment and happily see the movie with JLaw . . .And to all who noted Burt Macklin, I feel all his action hero stuff is really Burt Macklin and WHAT’S NOT TO LIKE ABOUT THAT (sorry for shouting but I feel strongly about this).

      • http://howtofaint.tumblr.com/ How to Faint

        I’m just glad that more people are discovering what Parks and Rec fans knew all along. :D

        Also? Now I want to watch the hell out of a romcom starring Chris Pratt and JLaw.

    • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

      How is that boat picture so wonderful, but the last picture so awful? Could he more OBVIOUSLY not really be wherever that backdrop is supposed to be?

    • H2olovngrl

      After the Lego movie, my kids think he is THE GREATEST HUMAN ALIVE!

    • AlisonS

      That boat picture is amazing. The other one… That’s just awkward.

      • Ali2044

        He looks like a real estate agent in the second one, about to give you a killer spiel about how to negative gear your new swamp.

    • Shawn EH

      And if he succeeds in suit-icide, I can only praise him all the more!

    • Starling

      I’m 99% certain that he’s yelling “WOOHOO!” in the boat pic.

    • Aidan B

      The boat picture is EVERYTHING.

    • Jessica Peterson

      I’ve been thinking the same thing this week – Chris Pratt is the everyman in the exact same way that Jennifer Lawrence/Mindy Kaling are the everywomen. He is your husband’s celeb best friend.

    • e jerry powell

      Chris Pratt may wind up singlehandedly killing the skinny suit trend.

      I ain’t mad. Chris Pratt is most decidedly not a Hedi Slimane Euroskeleton, and more power to him.

    • JynxTheCat

      Kinda putting John Hamm on notice on that cover. Not even he commandos the cover FGS. *blush*

    • d4divine

      The skinny suit…please go away…dudes wearing dress pants and getting visible wedgies from the tightness of it all, please be gone!