Joe Manganiello Is People’s Hottest Bachelor

Posted on July 01, 2014

People mag thoughfully provides us all with the second-best beach read of the summer (this one being the first, bien sûr).

 

Joe-Managniello-People-Magazine-Hottest-Bachelor-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO

“True Blood” star Joe Manganiello covers the latest issue of People magazine.

 

Inside, Joe’s publicist pretends to be Joe:

 On falling in love: “I think the crazy love that you fall into in the beginning turns into ‘like’ and ‘need.’ Chris Rock told me that! He’s like, ‘Kid, you wanna get married? Listen, there’s love, and you can feel love the first night, but that’s not what it is. It’s, ‘I like you and I need you.’”

On his favorite part of a woman: “I’m big into smell. It’s funny I got cast as a werewolf. There’s something about the smell on that part of a woman’s neck where it meets the jaw, ahhhh! It’s heaven.”

On his personality: “I am part Sicilian. I am passionate. I am a hot-blooded person. If you don’t like spicy, then maybe I’m not for you.”

 

We make no claims as to the man’s preferences, but this all reads like a modern version of a Rock Hudson “I just haven’t found the right girl” fluff piece.

Because this?

“I am a hot-blooded person. If you don’t like spicy, then maybe I’m not for you.”

NOBODY TALKS LIKE THIS.

 

 

 

 

[Photo Credit: People Magazine]

    • WendyD

      There were words? Sorry, I lost my ability to read after the ABS.

      • scoobynacks

        Think of them as body-braille.

        • Anna

          Or a dessert buffet table: melted chocolate, caramel sauce, whipped cream, ice cream…

          • Kitten Mittons

            GIRL. You just squashed my productivity for the day. Gone.

            • Anna

              Ha, I have that effect on productivity. Especially when the delectable Joe here is involved.

        • Lucía Gavello

          Body braille I want to read with MY TONGUE…. sorry.

      • Raspberry2012

        He could be reciting Shakespeare for all I’m paying attention to words.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Words….with a photo like this one, who needs words……must take to fainting couch stat

    • RussellH88

      His quotes sound like dialogue from bad erotica.

      • Anna

        “I’m hot-blooded” = “I might smack you around once in awhile…and not in a sexy way.” I’m just kidding – I doubt he means that at all, but that does sound like code for the jealous type. That’s kind of icky in my book.

        • lundibleu

          It sounds rather like how Morelli was described in the early Stephanie Plum novels, although he was also the odd one out of the Morelli men in that he didn’t hit women. But, yeah, “Latin and hot blooded” is very much code for “I want my man/woman and I don’t want them to have anyone else. No, not even to look at”

          • Danielle

            A MORELLI REFERENCE ON TLO I’M GEEKING OUT

            • lundibleu

              Haha! It can’t be the first, surely. :)

              And where the hell was Joe Manganiello when they were casting Morelli, huh? Jason O’Mara, I ask you. That was the best they could do? Feh.

            • demidaemon

              ME TOO.

            • james anderson

              I just got paid $7500 working off my computer this month. And if you think that’s cool, my divorced friend has twin toddlers and made over $8k her first month. It feels so good making so much money when other people have to work for so much less. This is what I do,………

              ➜➜➜➜➜➜➜ MAX43.COM

          • ShaoLinKitten

            To be fair, if your man is Joe Manganiello and you’re looking at someone else, then you are a spoiled brat.

            • lundibleu

              Hah, well there is that too. I’d expect to be allowed to look, but if I had Joe Manganiello to play with every night I’d not want more than that.

            • ShaoLinKitten

              I highly doubt I would want to LOOK at anyone else… but this brings up the unfortunate possibility that he’d be lame in bed. Or, you know, not in proportion with his overall largeness, ifyaknowhatimean. Which would be a tragic waste of an otherwise nice package. But if he could deliver the goods, I would be happy to keep my eyes on the prize. God this post is full of really bad double entendres.

            • lundibleu

              Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. If there’s no bang for your buck with Joe, it’d spoil the whole thing. Um, yeah.

            • demidaemon

              They could have cast him as Ranger and I would believe it. As long as K Heigl wasn’t the girl. Let’s just all agree that that movie was casting director FAIL in pretty much every role.

            • Leah Elzinga

              “Heigl” she said with a sneer… She’s on my “Rational Hate List”. Frizzy haired, wise-cracking New Jersey Italian? Heigl. OBVIOUSLY. *face palm* In my mind I replace them with two awesome Canadian actors we’ve got up here, Alan Hawco (tall, dark, lean, blue eyes, smart assed) and Erin Karpluk (wild haired, a little spastic, whip smart). They would have been perfect… hmmm… maybe the CBC could buy the rights to the next one… AHAHAHHAHA! Like Canadian TV has money or something!

            • demidaemon

              HA! Yeah, Heigl has lost pretty much any cred she had. If only someone with some taste could have done it, like Canadian TV or basically anyone else other than who did it.

            • lundibleu

              I didn’t watch the movie (couldn’t bring myself to after seeing the cast list) because I could think of so many better people to cast for it.

            • demidaemon

              Same here. The fact that it exists is travesty enough for me to complain about it.

          • http://birdybegins.blogspot.co.uk/ Eleanorjane

            Just re-read ‘Hard Eight’ today… love me some Morelli but I think overall I prefer Ranger.

            • lundibleu

              I like both but think I come down on the side of Joe.

            • demidaemon

              Same here. I understand Stephanie’s conundrum. If we all only had the same.

          • Colleen

            Haha! Funny you mention Morelli, I’m a huge fan of that series and was always hoping for him to play Morelli in that movie!

      • kmk05

        I mean, the sniffing part is bad enough.

        • marlie

          OK, I have to admit, that was a little weird.

        • demidaemon

          I kind of found it hot. If he was saying it, that is. If it’s his publicist, then it is creepy weird.

          • formerlyAnon

            Yup. Liking the way your person smells – even when they aren’t shower-fresh – is sooooo powerful. It’s visceral and operates at the lizard brain level. We are animals, underneath all of our intellect and opposable thumbs.

          • kmk05

            Considering the overall tone of the interview, I’m voting for ‘publicist’.

            • demidaemon

              I know it’s probably the truth, but I’m trying to pretend it’s not, at least for certain parts. Not sure if it is working.

            • kmk05

              I think we should just look and not read then, ha!

              I feel they’re trying for a George Clooney vibe. The problem is GC was never such an in-your-face sex symbol, was he? Like, no shirt and exuding sex from every pore. But JM is, and for me that’s why the sound bites are so damn creepy and fabricated.

            • demidaemon

              Good point. I always felt George Clooner was kind of the gentlemen’s sexy, if you know what I mean, while JM here is more of that raw, animalistic sexiness, which means no speaking, thank you very much.

    • decormaven

      Happiness! Spicy is a good thing. “Any ladle’s sweet that dishes out some gravy.”

    • Glam Dixie

      My goodness, is it Friday already? *fans self* (p.s. just don’t talk)

    • FunButNutz

      He did just direct that Documentary on male strippers…..

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        And that’s a very important issue to be explored. :)

    • Miss_Led

      I like the spicy.

    • RescueMe23

      I’m Sicilian too Joe. Let’s get together and chat about our heritage shall we? Clothing optional of course.

    • Tarah

      Mmmhm… yeah, I totally buy that Manganiello just sits down and ponders on love advice that Chris Rock gives to him. Yep, totally believable.

      • L’Anne

        As he sits around the house, something in hand to sniff, pensively ruminating on love advice from that master of romance Chris Rock, Joe looks over at his Total Gym and wonders has he pumped his pecs enough on this day? He sips from an ice tea, sweat from the glass drips off, rolling down his chest to puddle in his still-sweaty navel. Yes, he thinks. I have worked out enough for today. He turns to his hand, some item tightly balled in it, draws it to his face, and sniffs deeply, eyes closing as his mouth drifts into a slow smile.

        There. I think that’s an improvement on People’s most ridiculous interview in possibly ever.

        • Tarah

          Genius. Simply genius.

      • Rhonda Shore

        I’m going to enjoy reading this issue at my next hairdresser visit.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

      I thought Ryan Gosling was in a relationship? Yes, that is my takeaway from this, I have to go out in a couple of minutes and can’t afford to lose time on ogling abs.

      • decormaven

        Time ogling abs is never lost.

        • Jaeda Laurez

          Facts.

      • Glam Dixie

        Scott Eastwood is such a hottie and I had not heard that the Gosling had broken up with Eva Mendez.

      • Imasewsure

        I think you are a bachelor for purposes of this issue if you aren’t married… you might even make the list if you are really hot and not-quite divorced yet…. And Gosling . I don’t think he could pull anyone hotter than Eva Mendez. That woman may not exist….

    • @Biting Panda

      Oh Joe! My neck always smells amazing….come see for yourself. Nuzzle me, man. Nuzzle me!!

    • Carrie

      He’s a bit too buff for my taste, but looks pretty good here. I have to wonder why Joe couldn’t answer these himself. They aren’t exactly brainteasers!

    • Miss Ruth

      I’m giggling at the headline they put right by his head. Joe M as a terrifying nanny. “Mommy! He SMOLDERED at me!”

      • Raspberry2012

        I read your comment, scrolled back up, and died laughing. That’s perfect!

      • Kristi Mitchell

        I’d hire him to babysit, and I don’t even have kids . . .

    • Jessica Freeman

      Felt the exact same way about his quotes. Went back to staring at photos instead.

    • Carleenml

      He sounds like an idiot. Idiots talk like that.

      • Imasewsure

        So I guess then he could actually be straight if he is really really dumb…. works for me!

      • Kristi Mitchell

        What I plan to do with him doesn’t involve a lot of talking anyway. . . . :)

    • JR Labrador

      “That’s a spicy meatball”.

      The quotes read like a bad Match profile.

    • Wink

      The ‘interview’ took up valuable space that could have been put to better use with another photo.

      • Kitten Mittons

        Yes, but clearly People doesn’t understand this concept. That why they put that giant orange tag line right across the most important part of the cover.

        Gah, People, do we have to do everything for you?

        • Wink

          If they want to run their ideas by a focus group, they should call us!

          • Kitten Mittons

            I would happily volunteer, if I could properly focus.

        • L’Anne

          Also, man thighs and “My wife tried to kill our daughter” and “A Family’s Nanny Nightmare”…..
          WTH. Way to ruin perfectly good swirl material.

          • Kitten Mittons

            I’m enjoying the man thighs, but the rest is a bit disconcerting.

            I think I’ll love you forever for teaching me the phrase “swirl material.” Just throwing it out there.

      • Glam Dixie

        Seen and not heard, amirite?

        • Wink

          Yes. Don’t ruin the fantasy. Just let us imagine the incredibly witty things he would say… as we’re hand-washing our delicates on his abs.

        • Raspberry2012

          From your lips to god’s ears, girl.

    • Chuck Barthelme

      Hollywood is sure selling beef these days when it comes to dudes. What happened to the athletic toned and svelte body? (I ask, being more toned and svelte than beefcake).

      • random_poster

        I think that’s reserved for ESPN, which isn’t a bad thing at all.

    • Emily

      Dunno, He’s from Pittsburgh. He might actually talk like that.

      • EditKitten

        I’m from Pittsburgh and I don’t know anyone who talks like that. :)

        • demidaemon

          I’ve lived in Pittsburgh and didn’t meet anyone who talked like that.

      • Daisy77

        Pittsburgh may have its own language but this drivel is not it; this is embarrassing copy. Publicist needs smacked ‘n’at.

        • SRQkitten

          I thought he was a Carnegie Mellon grad, would expect better there…..think his publicist graduated from Teen Beat U.but probably figured with the accompanying pictures no one would be reading the text.

    • JasmineAM

      Joe is perfect and all, but I’m eyeing Mr Eastwood over there. Woof.

    • Sobaika

      I smell like rose petals and honeysuckle, Joe. Feel free to take a sniff.

    • shirab

      They didn’t have a photo where his eyes were open just a bit? He looks so squinty.

      • quiltrx

        He’s beach-smoldering at you, dear.

    • eandh99

      don’t think much of their taste -no Hiddles, no Skarsgard, Taye Diggs has a girlfriend and isn’t Gosling still with Eva Mendes? Zac. Efron? seriously? somebody’s pushing that boy way too hard for me to buy it

      • Tina

        I think the cutoff is at ‘not married’.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        I wonder how much publicists and actors pushing projects factors into People’s decisions about who’s hot. Manganiello’s back for the final season of True Blood, Taye Diggs has a new project, Efron had a comedy film released earlier in the summer, plus he’s also moving away from his tween dream demographic base…

        • formerlyAnon

          I kind of think the power of the publicists pushing projects is at least 70% of the decision. Maybe more.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Sounds right to me

        • MartyBellerMask

          It’s 100% that. Always with PEOPLE magazine.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Publicists must sleep rarely, if at all.

            • decormaven

              Sleep is not in the job description. Too busy posting blind items and writing tweets for clients.

            • bitchybitchybitchy

              As wellas supervising the underpaid and overworked interns or go-fers who assist said publicist in hyping clients’ careers

        • marlie

          Yep, “bachelor” means not married AND has a project to promote.

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            We should compile a BK dictionary for various words and their meanings-it could be a min-companion to TLo’s book

        • https://www.facebook.com/NORNCUTSONART Norn Cutson

          It’s ALL PR, bought and paid for.

    • Jaeda Laurez

      No talking. He’s fine without words and stuff.

    • Sarah

      I lika the spicy meat-balls. I saw him on @midnight, and he was not a moron, so I’m going with he’s a regular guy with a dumbass publicist.

      • mjude

        he was on WWHL I think last week. pretty charming & adorable.

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      Shhh, Joe. It’s better when you don’t talk, love.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        Indeed-just shut up and strip. sir

    • SugarSnap108

      I’m having a hard time getting past the juxtaposition of “Sexy! Single! Guys!” and “My wife tried to *kill our autistic child.*”

      Even when confronted with those abs and Taye Diggs’ face.

      • kimmeister

        They’re serving up a nice heaping plate of cognitive dissonance for sure.

      • AthenaJ

        Exactly… I went from ‘Aww yeaaahhh’ to ‘Oh No!’

      • quiltrx

        Just go get the scissors and cut off that whole right column. Then snip out that little bit about the nanny above Joe’s head (be careful not to get any hair spikes).
        There. Problem solved. You can pretend only abs and Taye’s face are even there.

    • AnaRoW

      The only one on that cover I find attractive is Taye Diggs and that’s a terrible picture of him. I don’t know why but every time I see Joe Manganiello, everything in me just screams “No!” and his quotes don’t help matters. I’m going to go find pictures of Henry Cavill and Idris Elba to scrub all of this from my brain.

      • Carleenml

        aaah. yes. much better. thank you.

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        I’ll have to spend some quality time googling Idris this afternoon to cleanse my visual palate!

      • quiltrx

        My mind has an override function for bad pictures of Taye. My mind just nudges me and says “psst. The shower scene in How Stella Got Her Groove Back. You’re welcome.”

    • ashtangajunkie

      I love that People feels the need to explain “why True Blood’s Joe Manganiello is No. 1,” as if the cover shot doesn’t explain it perfectly.

    • Anna

      Much like the nutrition info on the packages of my favourite foods, which I know I should NOT be eating, I’m just ignoring all of the words. But I do happen to love spicy Italian sausage.

      • Agent Sculder

        Scott Eastwood looks so much like his dad it is pretty distracting. I never really thought of Clint as sexy until I saw him in the Man with No Name Trilogy, and now I totally get it. Back in the late 60s, early 70s Clint had it goin’ on, and his son takes right after him.

        • Anna

          I just googled this as I never really found him sexy either, but HOLY. HELL. I don’t really know much about his son, but I think I’m going to spend a large portion of the day finding out more.

    • rockin robin

      Hey, Joe, come over here. Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.

    • Kbear

      Sorry….was there something else on that cover?

    • alyce1213

      Well, I do like spicy, but he’s not for me. Never cared for too much carved bulk, except on statues.

    • Danielle

      You mean you’re actually reading the article? Come on, now.

    • paginatrix

      I love the “They’re Single!” angle. Personally, I don’t worry about single, straight or gay. I figure my chances are about the same.

      • Jennifer Bober

        The words “snowball” and “hell” come to my mind.

        • formerlyAnon

          Exactly.

    • Julie Parr

      I’ve told this story here once already, but have to tell it again. I saw him in the Yale Rep’s verison of A Streetcar Named Desire this year, playing Stanley of course. At one point, he took of his shirt in the play, The crowd, which normally has a LOT of blue-haired ladies and and pretty stodgy academics, GASPED audibly when his shirt was removed. The plays at the Yale Rep often push boundaries with nudity, smoking and violence on stage so it wasn’t that this crowd was shocked that he was nude. It was literally that his body was so unbelievably inhumanly godlike.

      • FibonacciSequins

        Good story!

      • random_poster

        I missed that story before. Please do not hesitate to repeat it in every single post about Joe because “unbelievably inhumanly godlike” defines it all and I can totally imagine the audible gasp as it happened.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        I am sure I would gasp in similar fashion. I’m fanning myself imagining him as Stanley.

      • https://www.facebook.com/NORNCUTSONART Norn Cutson

        But how was his take on Stanley?

        • Julie Parr

          His take on Stanley was servicable. A little on the sweet side and not enough on the brutal side.

    • Jennifer Bober

      I can appreciate the ripped body, even if the dark, Latin thing isn’t my type, but it just doesn’t do it for me, especially with the bad copy. I go for the brainy, witty guys.

      • boweryboy

        Brainy, witty guys for the win.

      • alyce1213

        Me too.

      • formerlyAnon

        I’ll see your brainy, witty and raise you a lean and lanky.

        • demidaemon

          I like all these options. Options are important.

    • Lily

      People needs to fire their cover artist. C’mon, how can you cover up the goods like that? Or, were you trying to stave off lawsuits from women fainting in the grocery aisles? Is it that indecent?

    • JauntyJohn

      One of the things I’ve always appreciated about Joe is that he understands what his currency is. None of that “no one will take me seriously if I keep taking off my shirt!” stuff for him.
      He is perfectly happy to put the wares in the window.
      Attaboy.
      Here to prove Fosse is still right.

      • Thomas

        “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.”

    • AthenaJ

      OM NOM NOM

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        That made me laugh out loud, thanks. :)

    • Daktari100

      He looks just like my husband.

      • Wink

        I have unlimited hatred for you right now. LOL!

    • littlevase

      What do you have against spicy???

      I’m so over that “I’m sexy and I’m coming to get ya” look he always has on his face. He has one face and he keeps serving it, Blue Steel style. But I cannot deny, those abs don’t lie.

    • FibonacciSequins

      It’s okay if those are all publicist quotes. All I want to do is look at him anyway.

    • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

      Just cause he’s hot as hell, single and has an “unusually elevated” idea for a Hollywood male star of what he wants in a woman / relationship …. does not disqualify him for being 100 % hetro. As for his short fuse…I’ve seen it in person directed towards snoopy paparazzi… He was very direct, forceful and it was absoulutely smoking to watch him go for their jugular. Lucky for the paps it was just a verbal assault, not physical!

      • ShaoLinKitten

        I bet it was absolutely smoking… kinda jealous of you for witnessing that. I take it you got “straight guy” vibes from him?

        • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

          He seems to be a very decent, frank and uncomplicated man. Very down to earth. He is even more sexy and handsome in person…. all 6’5″ of him!

          • ShaoLinKitten

            MORE sexy and handsome?! Jesus take the wheel!

    • EditKitten

      I just can’t “meh” hard enough … probably because it looks like they shot his head on a different day than the one they shot his body.

    • boweryboy

      I’m ok with the cover from the neck down. I can’t get behind that face, though. And boy howdy does he sound kind of dimwitted in the interview, but then again if you have a body like that no one is really paying attention to what you have to say anyway.

    • fromanotherplanet

      Cackling @ these quotes. I’m so done right now. So done.

    • Mona_Visa

      “I’m big into smell.” Ugh. Any dreamy thoughts I may have been having about this guy are gone.

      • YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

        “I’m big into smell.” Now that’s a bumper sticker just waiting to happen.

    • Peeve

      Yes, the BKs are in fine form today. Thanks for the quick lunchtime laughs!

    • formerlyAnon

      You guys. You are so good.

      I almost skipped this one because pics of Mr.M. do nothing much for me – fortunately I didn’t because your closing paragraph made me chuckle aloud. Still smiling.

    • snarkykitten

      I do not understand the appeal and it’s got me perturbed.

      • formerlyAnon

        Waste no worry on it. Just Mama Nature’s way of making sure the gene pool keeps mixing itself up.

    • trisker

      ICK. His comments just took all the attraction out of those abs.

      • t bell

        Thanks for the warning; I haven’t bothered reading them yet!

    • H2olovngrl

      Let’s talk about Clint’s kids instead…

    • marlie

      He can stop talking and just sit there and look good.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      He never disappoints. C’mere “hot and spicy”.

    • TropiCarla

      LAWD HAVE MERCY!

    • frannyprof

      St. Joe of the Man-Bulge. In your face. (seriously, Joe, keep your mouth shut and look pretty.)

    • Hermitage

      I feel like the neck sniffing business is a standard ‘ok ladeeyz, swoon’ statement, but I never understood it. Wouldn’t my neck just smell like…skin? Is there some secret neck scent gland that I don’t know about? Or does it really mean, ‘I like when women wear perfume I can only smell when I’m up in their personal space’?

      • BlairBear

        Aren’t pheromones released on the neck ? Not sure

        • Hermitage

          I don’t think it’s established that humans produce pheromones at any measurable quantity. And even so, you wouldn’t be able to like, smell them normally, yea?

          • BlairBear

            Not sure I’m a humanities person . I thought pheromones made people attracted to people based off their scent . Not sure if this has been discredited

            • Hermitage

              It’s common in other animals, but from what I recall we neither produce pheromones at any appreciable level, nor do we have the olfactory receptors to recognize them either.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        Your neck is the crossroads between where you apply your perfume and the scent of your hair.It’s also one of the few places where it’s socially acceptable to sniff someone when their clothes are on, and if a guy’s nose is in your neck, can his mouth be far behind? Literally, it cannot be, unless he is some sort of mutant, so… yeah. I just ruined that whole post, didn’t I?

    • Man Dala

      He’s so hot it’s distracting from the fact that season 7 of True Blood SUCKS (pun intended). His character Alcide is particularly badly written (although regularly semi-naked, which is always welcome).

      • demidaemon

        I thought the point of it was that it’s so terrible, it’s good? (Don’t know, personally. A non-watcher here.) Also, for the naked bodies and lots of sex.

        • Man Dala

          The first two seasons were excellent, the third season was very good and the fourth season was ok. From the fifth season onwards it has been terrible. I’ve been watching as someone would stay in a bad marriage (for the kid’s sake) but this season is so bad I won’t be watching any longer.

          • ShaoLinKitten

            Luckily, this is the last season, so I’ll be put out of my misery.

          • demidaemon

            That’s like what happened to me with Gundam SEED, except the the relationship could be measured in episodes.

          • Ali2044

            I think the quality of the show can be correlated with Alan Balls involvement with it. He was show runner for the first five seasons and wrote and directed a good deal of the first two, but I think even he’s done with it now.

            • Man Dala

              I agree. The show has declined in inverse proportion to Ball’s involvement.

        • Kitten Mittons

          It was at one point. Now it’s just so terrible, it’s terrible.

          We watched last season because we thought it was the final one, and we were just gonna power through and finish it. We didn’t realize it wasn’t until about 3 episodes from the end. We were so aggravated. We still can’t bring ourselves to start season 7 yet.

          • demidaemon

            Heh. You know, I’ve never been tempted to watch the show but I have always had a slight urge to read the books. Thoughts? Opinions?

            • Kitten Mittons

              I haven’t read the books. I’ve heard they are better than the show, and that the show departs fairly dramatically after season 1-ish. I’ve put them on my reading list, partly because I live in Louisiana and like to see how well writers can portray it, and partly because I want to see how different they are. I just need some space from the show first.

              The books don’t have Joe, though. So there’s that.

      • lobsterlen

        Next week its going to be a 3 way with Joe, Eric and Jason. Thats all they got now.

    • LadyVimes

      Hey boy heeeeyyyyyyy

    • ShaoLinKitten

      Was the bulge so obscene that it needed to be blotted out with an orange banner? Come on, PEOPLE. Not fair.

    • t bell

      Where did I put those damn smelling salts?

    • quiltrx

      I think he only talks like this here because he knows WE WANT HIM to talk like this.
      And then we want him to shut up. And do what he does, don’t ya know.

    • MilaXX

      Press release sound bite aside, he’s purdy!

    • demidaemon

      Nobody who isn’t a douche, that is, and I don’t imagine Joe as a douche.

      Cover picture is FINE, but clearly they were scrambling for filler for the list.

    • Agent Sculder

      I’ve only been in the presence of a guy this hot a couple of times in my entire life, and it really was like my brain turned to jello for about five seconds. All my higher functions just STOPPED, and the only coherent thought left was “WANT NOW”. I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it would be to have a conversation with Joe. I’d just be struck stupid.

    • Jeremy Thomas Porta

      I could be the right girl, just saying.

    • Synnae

      Dear TLo, I hate to break it to you but Joe does seem to talk like that. In fact, Joe actually referred to himself as spicy and Sicilian in the same sentence on Watch What Happens Live. Make of that what you will.

      In the mean time, he can’t talk in these pictures so I’ll just go drool and imagine a scenario in which he is gagged. And bound. And wearing even less…

    • Roger A. Sneed

      Is his publicist named E.L. James?

    • kerryev

      #BeMeorDoMeBingo: just in time to support the above claims and the possibility that many publicists are indeed paid to talk like morons, the internet tells me that he’s in the “early stages” of dating Sofia Vergara, with whom he has been “smitten for years.” Seriously, all of that was in the damn headline.

    • Orange Girl

      That pic of Ryan Gosling is hilariously awful.