Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad Couture at the LULAC/NUVOtv Unity Luncheon

Posted on July 11, 2014

Verbatim initial reaction,with accompanying swift intake of air through the teeth (the universal signal of judgmental disapproval):

“Ooooooooh, girl, No.”

Jennifer-Lopez-Zuhair-Murad-LULACNUVOtv-Luncheon-Event-Zuhair-Murad-Couture-Bionda-Castana-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Jennifer Lopez attends the LULAC/NUVOtv Unity Luncheon in New York City in a Zuhair Murad couture dress with sheer floral embroidered top and pencil skirt paired with Bionda Castana ‘Daphne Bis’ pumps.

Jennifer-Lopez-Zuhair-Murad-LULACNUVOtv-Luncheon-Event-Zuhair-Murad-Couture-Bionda-Castana-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)Zuhair Murad Spring 2014 Couture Collection

Jennifer-Lopez-Zuhair-Murad-LULACNUVOtv-Luncheon-Event-Zuhair-Murad-Couture-Bionda-Castana-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)
Bionda Castana ‘Daphne Bis’ Pump

Jennifer-Lopez-Zuhair-Murad-LULACNUVOtv-Luncheon-Event-Zuhair-Murad-Couture-Bionda-Castana-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Jennifer-Lopez-Zuhair-Murad-LULACNUVOtv-Luncheon-Event-Zuhair-Murad-Couture-Bionda-Castana-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)

Jennifer-Lopez-Zuhair-Murad-LULACNUVOtv-Luncheon-Event-Zuhair-Murad-Couture-Bionda-Castana-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (6)

She was onstage with Michelle Obama at this event, so presumably, this is J Lo’s version of … well, First Lady, actually. She’s trying to be conservative and appropriate. This is what we’d get if she married the President and lived in the White House. And the more we think about that, the more we fervently wished we lived on whatever parallel earth or alternate timeline where it’s happening.

But that doesn’t make this a great look. The sheer top is tacky and the shoes don’t really go with the outfit. Also: hip wings, which are a thing the world was not waiting for. Also-also: poodle ears hair.

Go home, Jenny. You’re drunk. Or you should be.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Larry Busacca/Getty Images, IMAXTree, modaoperandi.com]

    • Jessica Freeman

      OH MY GOD. The tacky new level in that I can see your boob covers.

      • marlie

        Boob covers that don’t even come close to matching her skin tone. She would have been better off lining it, or wearing a cami under it.

        • Janet B

          I’d rather see her wear a gorgeous bra than those sticky things.

        • livesarah

          Oh wow, how did I not notice that. Ugh! Even a black lace bra would have looked less tacky. God.

        • J. Preposterice

          the runway version…has solid fabric over the boobs. so she…had that removed? in favor of boob covers?

          • marlie

            The whole dress is different than the runway version (look at the top and at the skirt), but the one that JLo has on is definitely worse.

            • Linda LaPaz

              Actually, I really like the runway version on the model.

      • Glam Dixie

        That’s JLo’s motto, finding new levels of tacky.

    • Diane Iafrate

      What’s going on in the back shoulder area? wings?? I wish she had used them to fly away.

      • AnguaVonUberwald

        Yes, the shoulder growths are very offputting. I wonder what effect they were going for?? Wings sprouting is all I see.

        • Sarah

          Scapulae are the new cleavage, haven’t you heard?

      • myandyleigh

        They appear to be little open pouches. Perhaps you’re supposed to store your credit card, lipstick and tampons in there, thus eliminating the need to add another mismatched accessory.

        Or maybe you’re supposed to flex your shoulder blades into them, thus providing extra support for her chest, but she’s not wearing a bra so it renders the shoulder blade pouches useless.

        OR! Maybe there were big wings that attach to the pouches but she didn’t want to show up Flotus with her fancy feather deployment!

        I might be able to do this all day, but it still won’t make sense of them or make them attractive. Shoulder blade pouches should not become a thing.

    • sugarkane105

      Suddenly craving chicken cutlets for lunch.

      • largishbearishAtlish
    • Karen Belgrad

      Mother of the (stripper) Bride

      • J.W.

        Actually, I was thinking Grandmother of the bride from the old Dallas TV show…

        • Daisy Walker

          Serving up Sue Ellen’s stripper sister realness.

          • J.W.

            :)

    • schadenfreudelicious

      Also…ankle bracelet?…

      • http://www.domesticdisturbia.com/ Christi Wampler

        Oh god, I just saw that. NO.

      • fursa_saida

        This is a goddamn nightmare.

    • http://www.domesticdisturbia.com/ Christi Wampler

      The chicken cutlets look nice.

      • MilaXX

        I think they are those peel and stick bra thingys

        • MoHub

          They’re actually called “chicken cutlets.” At least they are in the UK per classic Trinny-and-Susannah What Not to Wear.

          • MilaXX

            Chicken cutlet are slang for the those silicone boob inserts that go inside a bra for the less endowed. That’s why Trinny wore them herself. This looks like those self stick bras. They are literally bra cups with self adhesive tape inside them that you peel and stick on your boobs. Are they using the term interchangeably now?

            • MoHub

              Pretty sure they are, but it’s been years, so my memory isn’t exactly up to date.

            • marlie

              That’s weird that they’re used interchangeably. Because while the silicone thingies are just like chicken cutlets, these are most definitely… not.

            • MilaXX

              That’s what I thought the silcone things got nicknamed chicken cutlets because they literally look like raw chicken breast.

    • Jennelle

      Drunk mother of the bride…with a better ass than said bride..

      • sugarkane105

        That poor bride never had a chance.

    • giddypony

      The belt on the model is the best thing on the dress.

      • marlie

        The whole dress on the model is better than the altered version that Jenny is wearing.

      • kimmeister

        The belt is the best thing in the whole series of pictures! Well, except for maybe JLo’s butt.

    • Betsy

      She looks like an overtly sexy mother of the bride.

    • Noah

      I like literally nothing about this.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

      The phrase J.Lo fears most needs to be applied here: “Didn’t she play Selena’s mom?”

      Best part about this dress was the belt on the model.

    • Mothra

      Holy cats, when did she become a tacky version of Jane Fonda? That dress aged her by at least 30 years. Someone should be fired. And then set on fire. And then fired again.

      • Constant Reader

        My thoughts exactly. Hair, outfit, shoes, everything.

      • demidaemon

        I don’t even think the dress is the worst part (although it is pretty bad). It’s that hair which is so aging, awful and unflattering.

      • largishbearishAtlish

        WOW, Great Observation! That’s it for the win! Aging Jane Fonda…can’t unsee it (but love it!).she does look 30 years (okay, 45) older….ick

    • doodley

      The hip wings are to balance out whatever the hell is going on in the back of the shoulders.

    • sherrietee

      This screams mother of the bride to me.

    • somebody blonde

      I didn’t even recognize her! I don’t know how, but it adds three decades to her age somehow. Please don’t ever do this to us again, Jenny.

    • Danielle

      *clutches pearls*

      • random_poster

        Yes. A luncheon with the first lady is no place for that level of sheer.

    • Sobaika

      I do not hate this, it just has a few too many elements:

      – Get rid of whatever’s happening at the back shoulders.
      – Get rid of hip peplum wing thing.
      – Get rid of ankle bracelet.

    • HomeOfficeGirl

      Clueless!!

    • lynnlee

      Nothing about this looks good on her. It looks like something a sassy mother of the bride would wear.

    • mar

      Pink is not a good color for her complexion. It is just all awful.

    • Anna

      J-Lo does demure…and still manages to be tacky.

    • MilaXX

      Bless her she tried. Her bra cups are showing under the flash and those are the wrong shoes for this look. This would have been the time to deploy the silly putty shoe, not add another floral element to the look. I must say though, she brought her mini daughter Emme with her and she was dressed in a matching pink look. This wasn’t JLo’s best look but I love a cute mommy & me outfit.

      • Imasewsure

        Let’s just assume she let her daughter choose everything and then suffered through it like a good mommy… otherwise no excuse for this hot mess….

    • BellaLuv

      Channeling pure Rose Nylund!

      • Anna

        I was going to say that on the model, the dress is fine, albeit Rose Nylund. On J-Lo, the top half is more Blanche.

        • BellaLuv

          Agree!

    • Mary Elizabeth Poytinger Baume

      is she doing Jane Fonda drag realness?

    • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

      Great skirt…Loose the dowdy top!

    • FibonacciSequins

      For the girl who wants to look like a matronly, big-hipped hunchback.

    • Tarah

      What’s with the pose? It doesn’t feel right for the event, although I always appreciate a nice “be me or do me” pose courtesy of Ms. JLo

      • cowper

        Yeah, she’s posing like she’s never worn anything that goes BELOW the knee and is totally scared we’re going to miss her….attributes.

    • Glam Dixie

      Omg, this is so bad it made me laugh, but I see it didn’t stop her from posing like her life depended on it. Girl that is not your dress, hair or shoes.

      • smayper

        Yup! And yet will all of that, she can project the idea that everyone is gasping in joy and awe, rather than horror and judgement!

    • Denise Rambo

      Love the shoes.

    • Kitten Mittons

      She’s theme dressing:

      -Hair wings by her face
      -Hip wings
      -Actual wing sprouts on her shoulders. They should grow in fully in about 6 months.

      I suppose the theme is “Feel Blessed To Be In My Presence, Bitches. Hallelujah.”

      The only things working for me are the shoes, and the basic shape of that skirt, because dat ass.

    • decormaven

      The hair is sorta Paula Abdul. Not good.

    • http://www.basicallyimcomplicated.com Gabby

      It’s an awful outfit, but what really takes it over the edge of “oh girl no” is that hair. From frying pan into fire.

    • butterflysunita

      This is the most surprising thing she has ever worn. The least JLo thing I’ve ever seen her in. She doesn’t even look like herself.

    • enchanted216

      Love the shoes. That is all :)

    • Aidan B

      Holy crap, I did not recognize her at all. There has got to be a middle ground between her diva drag and this!!

    • Kaytee

      Can we be done with sheers now, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!!

    • mayanempire

      J-NO

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

      Hip wings AND shoulder blade wings. Not good.

    • TinyDynamo

      She’s the sexiest Nana on the block.

    • therealkuri

      She looks really awkward and unhappy in these photos. Of course, if I were wearing this, I think I’d feel awkward and unhappy, too.

    • susan6

      Whoever did her face and hair made her look like a cross between Eva Mendes and Nicole Richie. Pretty, but not J. Lo. The dress is way too mother of the bride for J. Lo. (Granted, a slightly risque MOB, but still.)

    • KendraMR

      Worst. Hair. Ever. Ol home girl needs a hot oil treatment because her hair look drier than the Sahara. The only thing that looks good is that booty of hers.

    • ljh

      I don’t wear makeup, so I am asking: What is the faint, burnt orange outlining business all the way around her lips?

      • marlie

        YES. There is something SO wrong about that.

      • Jennnni

        omg yes. There’s so SO much going on here, but the those LIPS are bothering me more than anything.

      • alyce1213

        The confluence of tanner and overreaching lip gloss. It’s not a pretty sight.

    • Tanya Wade

      I’m getting Paula Abdul’s drunker older sister. As if that could ever be a thing.

      • demidaemon

        The possibility that this person could actually exist frightens me.

    • WinterSantiaga

      I thin the hip wings look a lot… -I don’t know if better is the right word- in the runway version. But that may have more to do with the placement, they are more like tummy wings or maybe it’s the fabric that makes the look more coherent..

    • tylka5

      Hip wings and shoulder wings – WHAT is THAT about?!

    • Hermione

      Mother of the bride.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Hip wings-let’s hope this doesn’t spark a trend. I agree that JLo was going for a more appropriate look for this type of event, but I think she and her stylists didn’t hit the mark this time. For starters, lose the hip wings, shorten the skirt a bit, try a simple top with a fabulous blazer.

    • Monabel

      The dress on the model resembles neither the top nor the skirt on JL.

    • wontons

      Grandmother of the bride. (No, wait–the grandmothers I know are more chic than that. Grandmother of the bride in a 1982 teen comedy.)

    • Tracy_Flick

      It’s the tablecloth from Shelby’s wedding in Steel Magnolias!

      • Wink

        “My colors are blush and bashful!”

    • Alyssa

      I love the shoes, just not with this look. That is not her hair…very matronly and aging.

    • unbornfawn

      Tacky

    • PinkyK

      Her behind looks fantastic! With that being said, everything else is off the rack on clearance Mother of the Bride.

    • http://tvblogster.blogspot.com Boop

      Congratulates Jennifer Lopez on the marriage of your six year old daughter or son! They’re marrying so young these days.

    • GoAwayKardash

      I like the dress with the belt on the model tho

    • marlie

      Can someone tell me why her makeup person hates her so much (seriously… look at the lips)? Also, mother-of-the-bride, but with sheer. For the mother who wants to try to upstage her daughter. And we’ve been begging for softer hair, but this ‘do isn’t it.

    • Violentcello

      Not just hip wings, but shoulder wings. Which on reflection is a better place for them, but doesn’t make this a better look.

    • Gatto Nero

      The combo of hip peplums, blouse wings, and hair flaps is deadly.

    • mmebam

      I CAN SEE YOUR CHICKEN CUTLETS! WHY CAN I SEE YOUR CHICKEN CUTLETS?

    • luludexter

      Wow this is just awful in so many ways. Especially the hair for some reason. love the shoes though. Did she wear this to the same event as FLOTUS wore that beautiful blue flowered dress? Sad for JLo, when the First Lady looks younger and hipper…

    • mjude

      I am not a fan j-lo but this makes me feel bad for you.

    • Jacqueline Wessel

      It’s like JLo playing dress-up. Spectacularly awful, doesn’t even look like her.

    • Chaiaiai

      Oh sweetie, the one word that terrifies you is coming to mind:

      hissed through the teeth…..aging.

    • ccinnc

      How a dress can be simultaneously slutty, matronly and stupid.

    • Annmarie Kane

      Jesus take the wheel.

    • KES4K

      …is she wearing an ANKLE BRACELET?! My Southern is showing, but that will never not be the height of tack to me. Also, those “modesty” stick-ons (har har) look like the pads in a cheap juniors’-department bikini.

    • Jaeda Laurez

      NO, I want Diva J-Lo. I rebuke this “Respectable” J-Lo.

    • formerlyAnon

      Honestly, minus hip wings and the budding fabric pouches on her shoulder blades, & with a camisole underneath, this would work BEAUTIFULLY for a “LULAC/NUVOTV Unity luncheon.” That’s the perfect event for overdone femininity with the JLo oomph (at least on JLo.) But that IS a lot of changes from what’s in the photograph.

    • teensmom99

      Wait, does Jenny have a child old enough to get married? Because this looks like her version of mother of the bride to me.

    • StarburstLady

      My reaction “Oh, come on, TLo, why are you making fun of that sweet old lady, she looks just– SWEET JESUS, THAT’S JLO?!!!”

    • boweryboy

      Oddly enough, I like this.

      It’s not necessarily flattering by a longshot but it’s refreshingly different for JLo. Her ta-tas and hoo-ha aren’t hanging out, and she doesn’t look like she squeezed herself into a tube of toothpaste.

      Also it’s the first look of hers in a long time that did not elicit an eyeroll from me. So there’s that.

    • cocohall

      Not that I’m defending the hip wings, but on a tall, extremely thin, elegant model, they don’t look awful and make you think of the Flying Nun. This look just screams confusion to me: I want to be elegant and ladylike, because Michelle Obama will be there, so lace, florals and covered up! But I also wanna be me so I’ll showcase my ass and wear a sheer blouse (the chicken cutlets are what they SERVE you for lunch, honey – they aren’t supposed to be tucked into your top). In some ways this just proves she still is Jenny from the block. She seems to have a very narrow, old-fashioned idea of what fancy ladies who lunch wear. God bless her. Never change.

      • Qitkat

        I bow to you. This is what I was thinking in my head, but said so much better here.

    • ChiKat67

      JLo should really leave this level of tacky to Kim K, who you know is PISSED she didn’t get to wear this first!

      • MilaXX

        Yes but Kim wouldn’t have bothered to cover the boobs.

    • MMK_LB

      I didn’t read the title, just went straight to the picture and had NO IDEA who it was. Had to go back up and look.

    • what not

      It’s like she checked off “butt” and didn’t look at anything else.

    • crash1212

      I was rolling with it until about mid chest…then it all went WAY wrong. What is all that extra fabric on her shoulder blades? Was it supposed to be inflated somehow? This is one weird dress.

    • OffToSeeHim

      WTF, she looks like Jane Fonda in these pictures? And NOT in a good way!

    • Lilithcat

      All those little extra flaps, on the skirt and the back of the blouse, are just plain silly. Remove them, and wear the runway skirt, and I’d be fine with it.

      The shoes, on the other hand, look like a pigeon crapped on them.

    • demidaemon

      YIKES. This just proves that conservative is not in JLo’s wheelhouse, because she has no damn clue what she is doing.

    • kt

      The outfit is soft and beautiful, the issue is that she used shoulder pads as pasties instead of a silk cami.

    • CT14

      Shoulder pockets?

      Shoulder peplums?

      What are they? They need to go away!

    • http://www.readbarbara.com/ ReadBarbara

      Newly divorced mother-of-the-bride who is dying to go home with the best man.

    • Dagney

      How is it that I know you canNOT NOT NOT wear stick on boobs when you are going to be under harsh lights, but these ladies don’t know this? Other than that, I sort of like this. Left field for her, which is always an adventure.

      • GemFemme

        You had me at “stick on boobs”.

        • Dagney

          lol!! I am an “A” cup on a good day, so I deploy them under summer t-shirts, but GAWD, not under anything sheer.

    • Richard

      It kind of looks like she stole Nicole Richie’s face?

      • poggi

        I thought the same thing!

    • imustacheyouaquestion

      that shade of pink is what I’ve nicknamed “dirt pink”- it’s the color of pink that old women wear

    • KTI4000

      Mother of the Bride dress from hell

    • StrandedFashionista

      She’s actually done JLo conservative before and it’s worked. This time, it doesn’t.

    • Anna

      How the hell does JLo go from South Beach pole-dancer to Boca Raton granny in like, a week?! Even her face looks older.

    • evave2

      I prefer the model’s skirt with the kickee belt. I like the shoes but not with this look. Praise Jesus she did not wear her hair in any one of her usual ways (I am sick of the slick backed look). Make-up in nice. I thought the flaps were part of the skirt but from the model it appears they are part of the blouse.

    • GemFemme

      I don’t know if it’s the lighting or what, but her make-up looks God awful. Visible dark bags under her eyes, a weird outline around her lips and too much monochromatic mania going on color wise. Blech.

    • AnneElliot

      All I saw on the Facebook link was those horrible hip peplum/napkins, and that was enough. Just fugly.

    • Linda Leeson

      Really unflattering color for her skin tone. This is the first time I’ve ever seen someone look bad in pink

    • Matthew Vella

      She looks like Miss Havisham

    • prisma

      Wow. That’s some outfit there.

    • uprightcitizen

      Jane Fonda wore this drag a lot better as Jenny’s co-star in “Monster In-Law.”

    • mom2ab

      I thought it was Paula Abdul.

    • Man Dala

      This is what she’d wear to her daughter’s Quinceañera.

    • Ali2044

      Those shoes are beyond tacky. They look like something the mother of the bride would wear on an episode of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Like if you can’t afford diamond jewellery, at least you can wear shoes with diamond jewellery printed on it. Eww, no.

    • Clash D

      I have less issues with her dress as I do with her hair and makeup. Homegirl looks ROUGH.

    • yllas

      Except for the flaps on the hips and the visible boob covers, I confess I ADORE this dress. Adore it. But what is it, her hair or makeup? that makes her look so darned OLD. I think she hears the clock ticking, and I think we are going to see a lot of desperation in the next year or two, or longer. We will see increasing amounts of mutton dressed as lamb. Should be highly entertaining.

    • largishbearishAtlish

      Okay, we now have one of the items for T’lo’s “Worst Looks of the Year”

    • understateddiva

      Those shoes are pretty cute though. I volunteer to rescue them from this nightmare.

    • Sammis

      This looks exactly like the dress my step-grandmother got married in, for the 2nd time, in 1962. Except she (named Mossalene) looked better~

    • LambeeBaby

      I had the same reaction “oh no”. Mother of the bride with a slammin’ body is a bad combo and that spaniel hair. Yeesh. Someone needs to tell her that she can be attractive in something without painting it on.

    • Michelle Lim

      Drunk mother of the bride trying to outshine her daughter on her big day.

    • BayTampaBay

      Is she starting to look like Nicole Ritchie (see picture one) or have I been smoking too much crack?

    • Tuneful54

      Maybe the airline lost her luggage and her regular makeup artist missed the flight. That’s all I can come up with–the outfit doesn’t even look in the same league as the one on the model (rather, like a cheap knockoff) and she even has a pencil-thin mustache a la John Waters. But it’s the press-on boulder holders and the ankle bracelet that are the cherry on the sundae. JLo, I know that everyone has an off day, but don’t ever change.

    • Tami from Seattle

      I thought it was 50-year-old Jane Fonda doing a guest starting role on Dynasty.

    • suzq

      Let’s see if I can break down the logic of dressing to appear onstage with Michelle Obama.
      1. She’s likely to go sleeveless and even though I can, I’m NOT going to compete with that.
      2. Skirt below the knees = respectable.
      3. Dammit! Zuhair sent me the sheer version of the top. I asked for the opaque version! It’s too late to make changes. BOOB SHIELDS, STAT!

    • amanda lynn

      poodle-ears hair! that’s the perfect name for the thing my hair does (that i hate).

    • Columbinia

      Groom’s aunt trying to be provocative at the wedding is what this outfit looks like.