Nicole Richie for ELLE Australia Magazine

Posted on June 25, 2014

This?

Nicole-Richie-ELLE-Australia-JUly-2014-Issue-Magazine-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Nicole Richie covers the July 2014 issue of ELLE Australia magazine in Louis Vuitton photographed by Justin Coit and styled by Nicole Bonython-Hines.

This is not good.

No offense to the fine folks at ELLE Australia, but absolutely nothing works with this editorial.

 

Nicole-Richie-ELLE-Australia-JUly-2014-Issue-Magazine-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Nicole-Richie-ELLE-Australia-JUly-2014-Issue-Magazine-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

 

This woman couldn’t work a camera if it came with a crank and a little monkey to operate it. There’s no posing here. She just puts on an outfit and faces the camera each time, with the same dead-eyed expression on her face. It’s like they just published the wardrobe test shots or something.

And while she’s worked hard to establish a reputation as a fashionista, the fact of the matter is, her range is extremely narrow. She can’t make one of these looks work. Although, to be fair, we’re not loving any of these getups. But we do think someone with a little more presence could’ve made them sing. Picture everything here on Rihanna and it becomes an entirely different set of pictures.

 

 

[Photo Credit: Justin Coit for ELLE Australia Magazine]

    • Glam Dixie

      I’m pretty sure there’s a little thought bubble over her head that says, “BRAINS”.

      • demidaemon

        She’s the fashion undead, who takes clothes and sucks them of life and attempts to eat your brains. What an awesome combination!

    • crash1212

      Not great. Cover doesn’t even look like her. FAIL.

      • Skippymom1

        I actually had to check to see if there was a new “Nicole Richie” out there. You are spot on.

      • Little_Olive

        I “love” how on the cover she is photoshopped within an inch on her life and then in the third picture she looks haggard and old (for her age).

      • Megan Au

        If you glance real quickly, she looks like Kiera Knightly on the cover. That’s who I thought it was until I slowed down and read actual words.

    • M_E_S

      She looks like she’s about to fall asleep, especially in the second picture. Who on Earth thought this was a good idea?

    • elirt

      Explain to me why is she famous and why is she someone well known enough for a cover of a magazine that isn’t in the US. What does she do exactly? People in Australia know who she is? I find that shocking.

      • Thomas

        I know she has her own fashion line called something like “House of Harlow” and she was one of the judges on Fashion Star. Since the Simple Life with Paris, I think that’s about it.

        • Tami from Seattle

          Apparently Lionel Richie knows where all the bodies are buried.

      • FibonacciSequins

        She’s an LA socialite who likes fashion and was on a reality show with Paris Hilton eons ago.

      • kimmeister

        She’s also Lionel Richie’s daughter.

        • MoHub

          Adopted

          • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

            Is that a necessary distinction? Most of my step-siblings are adopted but it doesn’t make them any less my stepfather’s children.

            • MoHub

              I just mentioned that in terms of whether anyone was speculating that she inherited her father’s talent. I don’t question her status as Lionel’s daughter, just her sharing in the talent gene pool.

              My husband is adopted, so it wasn’t meant as a slur, just a clarification.

            • J. Preposterice

              her biological family is pretty talented, as well.

              (I think Nicole is not dumb, and that she’s reasonably talented & bright herself, or at least has someone who is helping her make some pretty good decisions at crucial points. but whether she’s adopted or not isn’t really relevant to how talented — or not — she might be. In re: these pictures, well, she’s not a model. Maybe don’t pursue that career choice, Nicole; not your wheelhouse.)

      • elirt

        There are a lot of children of famous people or ex-‘reality stars’ who aren’t on covers of international magazines. I feel this still doesn’t answer my question.

        • catnipper

          Her husband is a judge on the Australian version of The Voice or XFactor or another one of the millions of reality singing shows, perhaps that’s why? Still a bit of a stretch, I know.

        • MoHub

          Like the Kardashians, she is famous for being rich and famous. She’s an exemplar of what makes celebrities celebrities these days.

    • hughman

      Honey, you are NO Illeana Douglas.

    • Kent Roby

      I started the day with the sublime Queen Lupita, now I’m leaving work rolling in laughter over this bad “editorial”.

      • Glam Dixie

        TLo is a full service operation, obv. I wonder is there is a third category to Be Me or Do Me, like Avoid Me, or Point and Laugh at Me.

        • Skippymom1

          I laughed so hard over your comment. I pick the latter two. OMGawd. I am going to giggle in my sleep over that.

        • bitchybitchybitchy

          We can hope that TLo will include one or both of those in their second book.

    • Sobaika

      I like her personal style, but I have no clue what’s happening in this editorial. There’s no there there, you know?

      • CPK1

        I also like some of her House of Harlow stuff. But this editorial is hilariously bad. Very late-season ANTM

      • evave2

        This editorial is why the phrase WTF exists. I don’t get it and I don’t want it.

    • Thomas

      This is laughably bad. And Rihanna could be a professional model, so I’m not sure that’s a fair comparison, but I think almost any starlet could do better than this.

    • schadenfreudelicious

      Just cause you are a size 0 it doesn’t make you a model…

      • Judih1

        WORD!!!

      • Spreecord

        That’s funny. I was just about to say that there’s more to fashion than anorexia.

    • nannypoo

      When I saw the thumbnail I thought she was graduating from something or maybe getting an honorary degree. I guess not.

      • Sarah

        Me too! Matriculating from Mesh Shirt University.

        • Introspective

          Why is it that I want to enroll?? I so see myself at Mesh Shirt U and wearing sheer shirts and fishnets to all my classes…

          • Sarah

            Your classes:
            Where to Find the Best in Mesh Shirts for the Discerning Shopper
            Sun and the Mesh Shirt Wearer: How To Sunblock When Your Clothes are Semi-Transparent
            Creative Mesh Sourcing: Making String Shopping Bags into Halter Tops (Advanced)

            • Kitten Mittons

              I want to go to there.

            • Introspective

              or for the discerning sartorial historian: “mesh and the west: the role of sheer fabric in the making of modernity”

              seriously, where do i sign up?

            • Tami from Seattle

              I heard Donatella Versace spoke at commencement this year.

        • Glam Dixie

          Is this place responsible for dressing Li BingBing? There must be a student fashion show at the end of the semester or something.

          • Sarah

            No, Li must have attended their sister school overseas: The Institute for Sheer Studies.

      • Judy_S

        The Street Girl Graduate.

      • MilaXX

        from Big Bird high

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        Me too!

    • Sarah

      3rd pic: “Yes, I vas Miss Lithuania 1997. You vant to marry me, yes? Save me from this post-industrial wasteland and bring me to America? Yesssss.”

    • lecoffeeaddict

      So bored was I by her photo that I read the cover text.

      “Feeling angry? The Female Rage Epidemic”

      Are you fucking kidding me? Sorry to go on a feminist rant, but can you imagine somebody saying that about men? Sheesh.

      • LadyVimes

        #notallwomen

        (…are angry, just the ones who have been paying attention.)

        • MissusBee

          Explains everything.

      • demidaemon

        Not to be facetious, but did anyone think that byline might actually cause a rage epidemic? And not just a female one, either. Possibly one that involves a lot of ritual magazine burning.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        If you want the detailed story on the male rage epidemic, open any newspaper or history book.

      • http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

        Are you kidding me? Which gender has been responsible for the vast majority of mass shootings over recent years?

    • http://www.redriverhistorian.com texashistorian

      What a bland person. She even makes the circus look droopy. I can’t even imagine having a conversation with her. Crickets.

    • Judih1

      It is baffling to me how people like Nicole Ritchie and Kelly Osborn are considering fashionistas. UGH

      • Carleenml

        I am forever stumped with this one.

    • FibonacciSequins

      I think Elle was “inspired” by Anna Wintour’s Kimye cover.

      • Tami from Seattle

        Bwa-ha! Fashion Mags clambering to see who can be first to make the final scrape at the bottom of the barrel!

    • http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

      Too much fabric for Rihanna.

      • Thomas

        Unless it’s for Harper’s Bazaar Arabia (See new photoshoot).

    • kimmeister

      My rapid-fire reactions:
      1) The most striking thing about her is her eye color, and they didn’t even use any lighting that would do them justice
      2) That 2nd pic reminds me of those birds that have mohawks.
      3) The bodice on the last look is HUGE on her.

      • Janet B

        Thanks for the laughs
        Number 2 is especially spot on!

      • bitchybitchybitchy

        RE: 2) Google “Harpy Eagle” and look for photos of the adult male-their head plumage is really striking-definitely has a bit of punk feel.. They are one of the birds I would love,love to see in nature.

        • kimmeister

          Good one! I was thinking more along the lines of a crowned crane, but that’ll work!

          • bitchybitchybitchy

            Crowned crane is a good choice, also the Secretarybird would work, too. From the photos I’ve seen of the Secretarybirds they really do look as if they have pens/pencils stuck in their plumage.

      • Tracy_Flick

        I was thinking that the lighting looked terrible, too. And the egregious photoshopping of the cover – yikes.

    • Zeee

      She looks like her skin is two sizes bigger than her bones.

    • Carrie

      Dead eyes, open mouth = fish gasping for air.

      The outfits are fairly fug, but if you put some Riri fierceness behind them they’d be interesting.

    • LadyVimes

      That cover. Holy airbrushing, batman.

      • Juliette Wojciechowski

        But take a look at the 3rd photo – – no airbrushing on the face or else those smoker lines wouldn’t be bracketing her mouth/nose. Kudos for some honesty in photography.

        • LadyVimes

          That’s what was so jarring about the cover; the scroll down between the two photos. Suddenly lines!

    • JauntyJohn

      I had to keep erasing my original thoughts they were over the line.
      I just can’t fathom her appeal or why the public — any segment whatsoever — retains any interest in her.
      With that said, ummmm…
      the earrings in the last shot are pretty.

      • Carleenml

        ‘sokay. we’re probably all mind melding the same thoughts.

    • boweryboy

      Usually I find her attractive in an off kilter way, but this is just terrible. I’m all for not photoshopping a ladystar beyond recognition, but geeze she looks haggard in that last photo.
      I do like that pink dress but the styling is all wrong.

    • Eva_baby

      This editorial does her no favors. If her twitter is to be judged, she is actually rather witty. Kinda like January Jones’ funny Instagrams are the complete opposite of the January you see in Papprazzi pictures and on the red carpet.

      Nicole also seems to have a pretty good personal POV when it comes to her own day-to-day style. But that does not make her a good model or a good subject for a fashion editorial. And frankly I think the term ‘Fashionista’ is bestowed waaay too easily on young celebrities who either had good stylists or good publicists.

      Also the cover is Fug. Does not look like her. I had a total “Harpo, who dis woman?’ moment when I saw it.

    • Fiorella Taboada

      The photoshop on the cover photo is extreme!

    • MilaXX

      This is awful. Nothing works and the cover picture barely even looks like her. The photoshoot where she had lavender hair had better shots of her than this hot mess.

    • Gatto Nero

      There is nothing beautiful or even intriguing to look at here. A spread like this should be captivating, even if it doesn’t conform to typical ideas of beauty.
      This is just bad all around — awful clothes, terrible styling, no presence.

    • Bad Idea Jeans

      Rihanna is a Ph.D.-level clothes wearer. Nicole is G.E.D.

    • Little_Olive

      Gawd, in that third one it’s like she’s wondering whether to go to bed or McDonalds after an all-nighter. And she could strangely be 18 or 40. The dress is barely hanging on her.
      Not good, Elle.

      • susan6

        Yeah, that third photo is full-on “walk of shame in a fancy dress”. Girl looks haggard. Someone should get fired for allowing that photo to exist.

    • frannyprof

      I’m just glad her hair’s not purple.

    • sk8tfan

      My high schooler’s graduation cap in feathers combined with my mother’s orthopedic sneakers do not a chic look make.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      Put that cover top on Rihanna and she’d be working it. On Nicole it merely looks silly. Nothing against Ms. Richie, but this is not a successful photo shoot.

    • kitkat

      I think Rihanna was actually wearing the same mesh top on her most recent Vogue US cover… and unlike Nicole, it wasn’t wearing her.

      • Glammie

        No one can wear barely there like Rihanna.

    • Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

      Can anyone tell me why she’s getting so much attention recently?

      • sagecreek

        No kidding..what the heck has she ever done besides be Nicole Ritchie?

    • Kitten Mittons

      I can’t believe no one is concerned that her boobs appear to be melting AND molting at the same time. Someone call Dr. Oz, post haste.

    • ktr33

      The cover shot? I could’ve guessed for 3 hours, and never would’ve guessed Nicole Ritchie. Such is the unstoppable power of photoshop, or whatever the modern-day equivalent is.

    • demidaemon

      NOPE.

    • poggi

      Based on the thumbnail, I thought she was graduating from somewhere.

    • t bell

      I’ve had a rough day and needed a shot of scotch and a good laugh. Both are taken care of now.

    • Michelle Lim

      Holy crackers!! She’s WAY too thin and I can only imagine the message Elle is sending to aussie girls with this. Not cool.

    • http://www.bertkeeter.com Bert Keeter

      Sondheim’s song, “Send In the Clowns” comes to mind…. “Oh wait, they’re here”!

    • Thomas

      Speaking of Rihanna, I hope you guys cover her Harper’s Bazaar Arabia shoot!

    • xmixiex

      bahahaha she looks like a member of the night’s watch on the cover! you know nothing, nicole richie!

    • judybrowni

      Cover shot: Chicken Lady in Mourning

    • Glammie

      This spread makes me sad. She looks worn and overwhelmed–like a child forced to play dress-up and pose for a picture. It takes some doing to look that drab in a circus setting. I’ve seen the circus thing work a number of times with celebs–Cameron Diaz, Reese Witherspoon, Sandra Bullock. It’s colorful enough that it’s fairly easy to pull off as fashion spreads go.

      • NBG

        It also does not help that the one image that could have shown the color of the circus-scape ends up being mostly of parched ground. This whole shoot looks phoned in.

    • MissusBee

      I am the last person to say that women’s magazines need more photoshop, but if I were Nicole Ritchie would be MAD AS HELL that they didn’t help with dark circles under my eyes on those non-cover shots. There’s a great bit in Tina Fey’s Bossypants, where she goes to do a cover for a feminist magazine and they explain that yes, they retouch pictures with the goal that you look your best, but still absolutely look like you (human version).

      • Kitten Mittons

        Love that book.

      • KinoEye

        My photojournalism teacher pretty much explained the same thing to our class when we talked about Photoshop. He said that in advertising, you’re selling a product and it has to look its best. The people on the covers of these magazines are a product, no doubt about it. And they’re selling themselves at the same time.

        Retouching is a necessary process, but it should be done so subtly that you can’t tell. If it’s obvious, it destroys the illusion they’re trying to sell you. He told us he had a lady journalist friend who had him take — and retouch — her professional headshot, because she said he could make her look like the best version of herself. Suppose it didn’t hurt that he’s a Pulitzer Prize winning photographer with extensive experience in everything, including high-end fashion.

        • MissusBee

          Fascinating. Thanks for sharing the inside info.

    • queeniethebold

      Completely agree with the uncles, from start to finish. It’s almost as if they stuck the same head on different outfits. Her expression doesn’t change one iota! Plus she cannot handle these clothes. Not even.

    • RescueMe23

      I’m not sure why anyone thinks she’s interesting enough to even warrant an editorial. Another trust fund baby who doesn’t know what to do with herself so she thinks she belongs in fashion. Epic Fail.

    • Heather

      Why is this girl famous? I mean, other than being Lionel’s daughter and being on a reality show with Paris Hilton 10 years ago?

      • Jaeda Laurez

        She had another show of her own (which I actually thought was really cute) and she has a mildly successful jewelry line named Harlow.

    • MarissaLG

      I do not get why she’s being featured in a magazine. This spread confirms it was a bad idea.

    • KinoEye

      Nicole looks pretty uncertain about this whole sordid affair. She’s confused by the strange people putting funny feathers and jumpsuits on her and all the flashing lights. I’d be confused if I were her too, not least because I would have no idea what I did to deserve an Elle cover.

    • AuntHo

      Which is funny, because didn’t Rihanna say in an interview somewhere that Nicole Richie is one of her fashion icons? GURL. This is not the droid you’re looking for.

    • Danielle

      Gal’s looking a little tired in the face.

    • Audrey Lee

      She looks exhausted. I mean dead to the earth tired.

      Take a nap, and that might pep these up a little.

    • Bernadette

      Now I want to see the Rihanna version of these shots!

    • decormaven

      “This woman couldn’t work a camera if it came with a crank and a little monkey to operate it.” Forever and ever, amen.

    • tarqueeny

      I think she looks quite nice in the covershot. The rest is abysmal.

    • sweetlilvoice

      Did she not allow photoshopping on the interior shots? Or was the intern sick that day? Look how different her face looks on the cover. I hope she’s not ill.

    • SuzyQuzey

      Even photoshop can’t save these photos.

    • icm

      She doesn’t look like herself on the cover.

    • Fuchsiaforever

      Just awful!

    • formerlyAnon

      No clue why, but I like looking at her. At HER, the cover where they get rid of all the lines that make her face her own is of no interest. I will agree – I think her face is quite engaging in motion, but the photos are dull, and she’s making no apparent attempt to pose. The third ensemble is the only one of the three that I think remotely suits her look, and it misses by at least a quarter of a country mile.

    • BigWhiteGrannyPanties

      She just looks old and tired. Can’t they photo shop something that makes her look like she eats and sleeps regularly?

    • Clash D

      I…No. I can’t even. This entire spread looks ri-DICK-cu-lous.

    • http://birdybegins.blogspot.co.uk/ Eleanorjane

      Horrible photoshopping on the cover, just horrible!