James Franco at the “Palo Alto” Premiere

Posted on April 25, 2014

The Bitter Kittens – like all kittens everywhere, bitter or not – are oppositional sorts. Now, we wouldn’t have it any other way, because we’re all about the forming and expressing of opinions here at T Lo Bitchery International; even if those opinions don’t jibe with our own.

But, as far as we’re concerned, there’s only one response to these pics:

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)James Franco attends the premiere of “Palo Alto” during the 2014 Tribeca Film Festival in New York City.

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)OMFG WHAT A DOUCHENOZZLE

That one. That’s the response. We can’t help blurting it out.

But we know that if we come down too hard on a boystar, the kittens will find their voices and rise up to defend him, usually because they want to do him. We understand, darlings. It’s so hard to tell the cute ones they’re getting it wrong, don’t you find?

But you’re not really going to argue with us this time, are you? He’s a nozzle, right? A nozzle who slept on his face, wearing a banker’s suit he got at the Goodwill, apparently.




[Photo Credit: MJ Photos/PRPhotos.com, Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images]

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    • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

      Not even Massengil. The Wal Mart off name brand. No, not even that. The off-off-off brand you find at Dollar Tree.

      • Anna

        You win for making me laugh out loud on the bus.

      • Morales Mike

        You win the comment today! I too laughed at my desk super loud.

      • Judih1

        LOL I can barely type I am laughing so hard

      • decormaven

        Bring it!

    • another_laura

      I can’t argue, T Lo. Jeebus. Dull, ill-fitted suit, the sunglasses, and I can’t even find a word for the hair.

      • Rhonda Shore

        Don’t forget that tie, it’s dullsville…

    • RussellH88

      He looks like a secret service agent in a $5,000 budget movie.

      • Lucía Gavello

        I read the look as “bouncer at the mob cave” but he needs a darker suit and a black shirt for that, so you’re probably right. Low budget secret agent after a scuffle.

      • Trent

        Get out of my head! I was just thinking that he looks like he’s auditioning for that new movie “The Secret Service” that’s coming out later this year (supposedly with Sam Jackson, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift). Or maybe he’s just, as TLo said, a huge douche.

      • 3boysful

        Nail. The shades, the suit, the stance. Only lacking the little earpiece.

      • VictoriaDiNardo

        I was going to say limo driver in a low-budget Boys Being Bad movie who sells the guys coke and loses the car.

      • Amy_R

        Ha! I was going to say he is a shave and an ear piece away from Secret Service agent..

    • TonyGo

      Ugh. Worst. Sausage. Friday. Ever.

      • sugarkane105

        Agreed. The best dressed man on this site today was little, cheeksy Prince George!

      • WendyD

        Apparently this is what happens when we get Hiddleston and Bomer during the week. Not sure it was worth the trade off.

      • http://myriameron.blogspot.com/ Heron

        I am LITERALLY the bitterest of kittens.

    • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

      I didn’t get as far as the -nozzle bit.

      • j_am

        Agreed, “douche” was pretty much my first impression.

    • Synnae

      TLo- why not just run all the magazine shots with Matt Bomer. I need pretty (and smart and funny). Not this vomit-inducing douche…

    • jelley

      Well, I thought “douche” as I clicked on the picture to read your post, so no arguments
      from me.

    • Kitten_Mittens

      His facial hair looks like it would smell. Also, vaguely pube-like.

      • Gatto Nero

        Oh. Oh.
        Wish I hadn’t read that.

      • Ginger

        As a lover of facial hair, it pains me to say that his disgusts me. His is just…not good.

        • DebbieLovesShoes

          I’m with you on that.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        I’m on my 3rd glass of wine and that ran together into “His facial hair looks like it would smell vaguely pube-like.” which seems accurate.

        • MartyBellerMask


        • Kitten_Mittens

          I approve of this reading.

      • gabbilevy

        Sadly, I think the top-of-head hair is generally an improvement.

      • Kristin McNamara

        Maybe that’s what he’s smelling in the second photo. I defaulted to thinking he farted, and that face was his reaction to the smell. But it’s possible your theory could have some clout as well. Perhaps it’s HIS FACE that he’s smelling and making that face…

      • RidgewayGirl

        And you would not want to eat dinner with him. His ‘stache looks like a repository of things to eat later.

    • Capt. Renault

      That’s pretty much my set of work clothes. Note that I do not work as a boystar.

      • eowyn_of_rohan

        Maybe you should!

        • marlie

          I bet @disqus_g7OSsXD8I6:disqus would look better in his suit than this asshole.

          • demidaemon

            I’m pretty sure you are correct.

    • 25or6to4

      I prefer douchecanoe, but to each his (or her) own.

    • Kate4queen

      Not going to argue with you at all, He looks awful.

    • NMMagpie

      It’s kind of appropriate that the carpet is a mess behind him.

      Then again, he looks like a Secret Service wannabe.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_QFW22QV426LUOEPGASPZJWJMDE MishaFoomin

      It’s like nosehairs are extending out of his nostrils, trying to cover up his lips. Trim that ‘stache, dude. (Unless you are trying to be Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo… Sexy Beam!)

      • demidaemon

        Hahahahahahahahaha! But don’t encourage him in any of his endeavors, please.

    • FibonacciSequins

      You’ll get no argument from me. He should always shave in preparation for being photographed. But I’m sure he knows exactly how gross it looks and is trolling us.

      • eowyn_of_rohan

        Can he be trolling us if we’re too tired of his troll-schtick to care anymore?

        • FibonacciSequins

          Well, we’re still talking about him, so if that’s his goal, then yes.

    • @Biting Panda

      Douchenozilla; The Godzilla of douchenozzles. Towering roughly 300 feet over than your typical douchenozzle; an obnoxious and endlessly frustrating individual.

      (credit Urban Dictionary)

    • sagecreek

      Oh, no argument here, unks.

    • Chuck Barthelme

      What the? I was watching one of the Toby McGuire Spiderman movies the other day, and actually had to remind myself that his friend was James Franco. Because he hasn’t really looked that good in years. This is abhorrent. How did he go down this path, exactly? Why James, WHY??

      • lunchcoma

        Well, they say you get the face you deserve at 50. I know Franco is only 36, but maybe he’s precocious.

      • TropiCarla

        You ain’t kidding. He was damn fine in that Spiderman.

      • MartyBellerMask

        Franco is a crush that went south quickly. I has a sad now.

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Anyone who pens an editorial defending Shia LaBeoouuueeuf pretty much is a douchenozzle for life. And to think he was so damn hot in “Milk.”

      • fursa_saida

        Also there’s the whole thing to pick up an underage girl thing. He’s just TERRIBLE.

    • hughman

      You know how you go to a family reunion and your second cousin you haven’t seen in ages but who used to be heavy into drugs is there and she insists in a high shrieky voice she wants to introduce you to her fiancee who she met at one of her Higher Calling Temple retreats and she swears he’s so sweet and he already has a trailer he lives in with his 3 kids from his previous marriage to a stripper?

      Well here ya go.

      • Gatto Nero

        Amen and hallelujah.

      • demidaemon

        Nailed it.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        Exactly, Hughman.

    • didgerdoni

      All I could work up was a big yawn.

    • alyce1213

      And the Kittens responded in one voice.
      Gosh, he nauseates me.

    • Noah

      I prefer “DOUCHECANOE” but I’m willing to accept “DOUCHENOZZLE.”

    • Sif

      Boring cut, cheap fabric, and horrible grooming. I’m not even gonna start with his shade. Bitch, Just go home already.

    • http://angrynerdgirl.net/ Jessi03

      DOUUUUUUUCHE! No disagreement over here. Maybe he’s trying to LeBoef his way out of his publicity troubles?

    • Eclectic Mayhem

      Apparently the word that came to my mind – WANKER – is British for OMFG WHAT A DOUCHENOZZLE…

    • http://thejoyfulfox.blogspot.com/ Laura

      My immediate visceral response was “tool,” but yeah, “douchenozzle” works too.

    • Shawn EH

      He’s hott. He’s like a boorish Chris Pratt, which kinda does it for me I guess.

    • MilaXX

      yup grade A douche right here.

    • JauntyJohn

      Well… he IS on broadway in “Of Mice and Men” so maybe the facial hair is for his turn as George… but even with that charitable thought, he is swimming in this suit.
      The Secret Service body language says “I give up” on the RC picture thing.
      As for the sunglasses… well… no sir. Not a good choice.

    • JR Labrador

      Witness Protection Program realness.

    • Sonia Perez

      Are we allowed to comment on celebrity gossip and how it may pertain to this man’s style?

      So, I have not seen any photos of him since that selfy he sent to that teenager. Because of this, I feel he is hiding behind those shades. BUT you really can’t cover-up “douchnozzle” within. Sorry, not possible. I will not forget.

      • Shelby


      • greyhoundgirl

        You got it.

    • marlie

      I HAAAAAAAAATE this guy. Douchenozzle indeed.

    • Anna


    • Alyssa

      Total douchenozzle.

    • Inspector_Gidget

      Unabomber on sentencing day.

    • Lori

      This has been the saddest Sausage Friday ever.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        I’m hoping there is going to be something really good and potentially NSFW as the pretty of the day.

        • Lori

          We definitely need some high quality nakedidity to clear out the douche fumes and disappointment.

        • lunchcoma

          I think I need a the entirety of the Marvel Universe to save us from this disaster. Superhero costumes optional, of course.

          • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

            I’m in a closed facebook group of likeminded individuals – so at the moment I have one tab that is Hiddleston’s Deep Blue Sea sex scene on a loop, and one tab of this. It’s refreshing to switch between…

    • Chameleon

      For all we know, it’s not even James Franco. I mean beard AND sunglasses?

    • DTLAFamilies

      I thought TOOL and not DOUCHE, but, you know, tomayto-tomahto

    • Musicologie

      He’s trying to be Robert Downey Jr., I think.

    • LeelaST

      He looks like rental-security at a cheap wedding.

    • MW

      ‘SUFFOCATING DOUCHE FUMES’ was my thought before I even scrolled down. He needs to shave because this thing that’s sprouting out of his face is not pleasant.

    • KarenFK

      Ugh. I just had to go find some pictures of Hugh Jackman online to erase this image from my brain.

    • msdamselfly

      I think his grooming is probably for his Broadway play “Of MIce and Men”

      • alyce1213

        A role — migrant farm worker ca 1930s — for which scraggly beard and hair are not required. Men in the 1930s, even poor men, shaved and had short haircuts. Maybe you’d see 5 o’clock shadow between shaves, but not this beard and mustache.

    • lunchcoma

      No rising up here. He’s gross. His smug expression is gross. His wrinkled, unhemmed banker suit is gross. His uncombed, probably unwashed hair is really gross.

    • Jen

      I dont like him anyway.

    • uprightcitizen

      Attractive, smart, funny man. There’s only one explanation for his appearance, and it rhymes with “scarijuana.”

      • alyce1213

        That is funny, but no excuse as so many scarijuana enthusiasts manage to look well put-together.

      • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

        There is a chance that he carried 4/20 on for a few extra days and that’s why he needs the sunglasses. He looks baked at the best of times, but I bet his eyes are a sight to behold.

        • In_Stitches

          According to Seth Rogan, Franco doesn’t smoke pot which makes his act all the more confusing.

          • http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

            Really? Does he stick to hash brownies?

          • marlie

            I don’t buy that for a second.

          • lunchcoma

            Seth Rogen can say that until the end of time, and I still won’t believe him.

            Not that it matters. Smoking weed is probably the least offensive thing about James Franco.

    • Tom Markiewicz

      He looks like a bodyguard. A bad one.

    • Ashleigh

      horrible. On one hand, I appreciate a rebel. On the other, ew.

    • BLauD

      All I could think was “Dooooooooooouche” as I scrolled down. I have always assumed this is his default state since I’ve never seen him otherwise.

    • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

      That is a huge old pile of steaming NOPE.

    • notterriblybitter

      I was thinking “colossal dickweed” but “douchenozzle” works too.

    • dmkava

      He’s an “artiste” He doesn’t need to worry about his clothing!

    • ktr33

      I almost feel like… like he’s doing it on purpose, like a Joaquin Phoenix-esque “gag.”

    • Denise Rambo

      Hate the messy hair. Hate the messy beard. Hate the horrible suit. Oh … I’ll just say it … I hate James Franco. There’s nothing he could wear that would make me like him.

    • SophieCollier

      Not taking of your shades is seriously douchey behavior.

    • Danielle

      He’s showered and upright. I can’t really ask for more at this point.

    • NYCRecessionista

      He looks like he’s playing a secret service agent in an amateur porno flick.

    • nannypoo

      I realize he is versatile and multitalented and all that crap, but I find him just a little creepy.

    • tiny_bookbot

      Paragon of douchenozzle. He’s actually a good actor, but he’s kind of too busy being a complete pretentious toolbelt these days for anyone to remember or care.

      • jilly_d

        “Complete pretentious toolbelt” *snort*

        • tiny_bookbot

          Such a tool that he’s the whole damn belt!

    • AmyLeigh

      wish he had just come wearing his nude paintings of Seth Rogen…

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

      James Franco discovered that he doesn’t have to give a fuck and will never miss an opportunity to broadcast it.

      • Imasewsure

        And that is precisely why I like this guy… he seems to enjoy the best of fame and fortune but does whatever the f@%k he wants (AND has a career anyway). Props JF props

    • Shelby

      The douche is strong with this one… and I’ve never understood why some have wanted to defend him.

    • CNM

      UGH UGH UGH The facial hair is so incredibly hiddy.

    • Jacob Bowen


    • LadyVimes

      He always manages to look sleazy. How does he do it?

    • YoungSally

      S&*^ the FBI agent I worked with a couple of years ago dressed better than this in his snoopy tie and motivational speaker Matt pants.

      All 14 yo girls who think he would be a “hot” hookup should see this photo.

    • kmk05

      I thought the response would just be ‘OH FUCK OFF.’ What an ass.

    • melanie0866


    • Sally

      I bet he smells like patchouli.

    • Qitkat

      I propose a spoof of the Men in Black film franchise. We have found our star.

      • Qitkat

        Which of course is patently absurd, since MIB is a spoof. But, nevertheless…;-)

    • crash1212

      A nozzle of the douchiest variety.

    • icm

      horrible stache and beard.scraggy yuck!

    • Imasewsure

      I covered my mouth and laughed out loud at this one…
      I don’t even think it’s douchey because it’s so fricking comical… clearly the man is high all of the time and just decided to play Secret Service with his publicist!
      Power on Weird Doobie Franco… you annoy us but whatever…. you are high

    • Judih1

      What a waste of a Sausage Friday post. This is like greasy, warmed over low grade sausage that gives you gas.

    • Ma. Gabriella Dutari

      He used to be so cute…*sighs*

    • Akemi


    • BobStPaul

      I tried to watch Interior: Leather Bar but I turned it off half-way through in large part because he came across as an inarticulate twit, an impression only emphasized by these photos – if someone can appear inarticulate in a photo…. Besides which, that is one horribly fitting suit.

    • Scott Cooper

      He looks like he’s attending a secret service funeral. Get high after the red carpet, James.

    • ShaoLinKitten

      You won’t get any argument from me. James Franco is #1 on my Irrational Celebrity Hate List, and yes, he is an epic douchenozzle.

      • MyFavoriteColorIsGlitter

        It’s not irrational though. Liking him would be irrational! I think it’s safe to say, at this point, that pretty much everyone knows he’s a moron with delusions of grandeur and he universally gets the nose wrinkle of disdain.

        • ShaoLinKitten

          My friends on FB post James Franco articles on my timeline just to irk me. What put me over the edge from dislike to hate was the invisible art. Surely you know about this. He is so pretentious, but all I see for him in the press is praise. There was one article saying he was a Renaissance man for our time. So you can imagine my relief to find that TLo and the Bitter Kittens agree with me about him. Whew!

    • Baghag

      No. Just. No.
      Gag me with a chainsaw.

    • cocohall

      He looks like the head of the security team for a porn star at the Adult Film Awards. That’s all I have. I live in Palo Alto. Whatever he says about this town, don’t buy it. He’s entitled to his opinion and point of view, but apparently he thinks this is a good look, so just take that into consideration, world.

    • venusvelvet

      Bert Macklin.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        But where is Janet Snakehole?

    • altalinda

      Moonlighting for the Secret Service, I see.

    • CPK1

      the stench of Eau de Douche is unbearable

    • http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

      Ugh. The Cindy Sherman knock-offs are unforgivable. He’s a decent actor but his delusions of depth are stupid.

    • quiltrx

      Man, he is SUCH a tool.

    • MannahattaMamma

      Oh puhleez. Because you are SO COOL. and SO STONED. And if you’re NOT stoned then you’re a total dick, as opposed to just a little bit of a dick. Or maybe just a little dick.

    • demidaemon

      Now, normally I find him attractive (in that dirty, rgret it after the fact kind of way), but I totally agree with TLo’s assessment here. Douchenozzle with asshole sunglasses.

    • Anna -Artgoddessmama

      Creepy mustache.

    • bingo

      a nozzle indeed, spraying and emanating douche-y ness into the universe. ugh, all of it. that worn cat-scratching post of a beard, the posture, the sunglasses. ugh.

    • conniemd

      Not arguing with you, I’ve thought the dude was a total douche since he did the Academy Awards with Anne Hathaway. In fact, he was such a douche that I developed a soft spot for her for soldiering through his embarrassing performance. I wouldn’t go to a movie he is in, unless he played a douche, such is my antipathy towards him.

    • http://SweeneybirdMakesArt.com/ Kathleen Sweeney

      When you call him a douche, you imply that he would be permitted near a vagina. Not happening. Not with THAT look.

    • ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

      Blech, he does nothing for me. I was at the TCM Film Festival in Hollywood recently and while standing in line, about a million people asked me to move so they could get a picture of James Franco’s star that I was standing on.

    • Mrs. O

      First thought: He makes me ashamed of my Yale degree. And that puts him in the same category as Dubya. Second thought: Gimli! They let you out of Middle Earth! But I thought you’d look taller in person.

    • lilazander

      His facial hair is gross. He actually looks gross altogether

    • Lilyana_F

      I’ve never found him attractive in the slightest, but this right here is some next level grossness.

    • CatherineRhodes

      You didn’t even mention the douche factor of sunglasses indoors.

    • greyhoundgirl

      If he was impeccably dressed and groomed he would still be a douchenozzle.

    • Cate

      He hit a kind of sweet spot for me around 2007, when I simultaneously discovered “Freaks and Geeks” and saw him hilariously trolling his way through the abysmal “Spider-Man 3″. I liked him then. A lot. But 2014 James Franco? Nooooo, thank you. Total douche. Such a shame.

    • F.W.

      What the heck is wrong with you people?????
      I mean look at him he´s fucking handsome! His nose, his lips his beautiful bright brown eyes…everything!
      When I think he couldn´t look hotter- BAMZ surprise! What´s with all the hate you fucking haters -_-