James Franco at the “Palo Alto” Premiere

Posted on April 25, 2014

The Bitter Kittens – like all kittens everywhere, bitter or not – are oppositional sorts. Now, we wouldn’t have it any other way, because we’re all about the forming and expressing of opinions here at T Lo Bitchery International; even if those opinions don’t jibe with our own.

But, as far as we’re concerned, there’s only one response to these pics:

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)James Franco attends the premiere of “Palo Alto” during the 2014 Tribeca Film Festival in New York City.

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

James-Franco-Palo-Alto-Tom-Premiere-Tribeca-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)OMFG WHAT A DOUCHENOZZLE

That one. That’s the response. We can’t help blurting it out.

But we know that if we come down too hard on a boystar, the kittens will find their voices and rise up to defend him, usually because they want to do him. We understand, darlings. It’s so hard to tell the cute ones they’re getting it wrong, don’t you find?

But you’re not really going to argue with us this time, are you? He’s a nozzle, right? A nozzle who slept on his face, wearing a banker’s suit he got at the Goodwill, apparently.




[Photo Credit: MJ Photos/PRPhotos.com, Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images]

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  • YourBaloneyDontGotNoSecondName

    Not even Massengil. The Wal Mart off name brand. No, not even that. The off-off-off brand you find at Dollar Tree.

    • Anna

      You win for making me laugh out loud on the bus.

    • Morales Mike

      You win the comment today! I too laughed at my desk super loud.

    • Judih1

      LOL I can barely type I am laughing so hard

    • decormaven

      Bring it!

  • another_laura

    I can’t argue, T Lo. Jeebus. Dull, ill-fitted suit, the sunglasses, and I can’t even find a word for the hair.

    • Rhonda Shore

      Don’t forget that tie, it’s dullsville…

  • RussellH88

    He looks like a secret service agent in a $5,000 budget movie.

    • Lucía Gavello

      I read the look as “bouncer at the mob cave” but he needs a darker suit and a black shirt for that, so you’re probably right. Low budget secret agent after a scuffle.

    • Trent

      Get out of my head! I was just thinking that he looks like he’s auditioning for that new movie “The Secret Service” that’s coming out later this year (supposedly with Sam Jackson, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift). Or maybe he’s just, as TLo said, a huge douche.

    • 3boysful

      Nail. The shades, the suit, the stance. Only lacking the little earpiece.

    • VictoriaDiNardo

      I was going to say limo driver in a low-budget Boys Being Bad movie who sells the guys coke and loses the car.

    • Amy_R

      Ha! I was going to say he is a shave and an ear piece away from Secret Service agent..

  • TonyGo

    Ugh. Worst. Sausage. Friday. Ever.

    • sugarkane105

      Agreed. The best dressed man on this site today was little, cheeksy Prince George!

    • WendyD

      Apparently this is what happens when we get Hiddleston and Bomer during the week. Not sure it was worth the trade off.

    • I am LITERALLY the bitterest of kittens.

  • I didn’t get as far as the -nozzle bit.

    • j_am

      Agreed, “douche” was pretty much my first impression.

  • Synnae

    TLo- why not just run all the magazine shots with Matt Bomer. I need pretty (and smart and funny). Not this vomit-inducing douche…

  • jelley

    Well, I thought “douche” as I clicked on the picture to read your post, so no arguments
    from me.

  • Kitten_Mittens

    His facial hair looks like it would smell. Also, vaguely pube-like.

    • Gatto Nero

      Oh. Oh.
      Wish I hadn’t read that.

    • Ginger

      As a lover of facial hair, it pains me to say that his disgusts me. His is just…not good.

      • DebbieLovesShoes

        I’m with you on that.

    • I’m on my 3rd glass of wine and that ran together into “His facial hair looks like it would smell vaguely pube-like.” which seems accurate.

      • MartyBellerMask


      • Kitten_Mittens

        I approve of this reading.

    • gabbilevy

      Sadly, I think the top-of-head hair is generally an improvement.

    • Kristin McNamara

      Maybe that’s what he’s smelling in the second photo. I defaulted to thinking he farted, and that face was his reaction to the smell. But it’s possible your theory could have some clout as well. Perhaps it’s HIS FACE that he’s smelling and making that face…

    • RidgewayGirl

      And you would not want to eat dinner with him. His ‘stache looks like a repository of things to eat later.

  • Capt. Renault

    That’s pretty much my set of work clothes. Note that I do not work as a boystar.

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Maybe you should!

      • marlie

        I bet @disqus_g7OSsXD8I6:disqus would look better in his suit than this asshole.

        • demidaemon

          I’m pretty sure you are correct.

  • 25or6to4

    I prefer douchecanoe, but to each his (or her) own.

  • Kate4queen

    Not going to argue with you at all, He looks awful.

  • NMMagpie

    It’s kind of appropriate that the carpet is a mess behind him.

    Then again, he looks like a Secret Service wannabe.

  • It’s like nosehairs are extending out of his nostrils, trying to cover up his lips. Trim that ‘stache, dude. (Unless you are trying to be Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo… Sexy Beam!)

    • demidaemon

      Hahahahahahahahaha! But don’t encourage him in any of his endeavors, please.

  • FibonacciSequins

    You’ll get no argument from me. He should always shave in preparation for being photographed. But I’m sure he knows exactly how gross it looks and is trolling us.

    • eowyn_of_rohan

      Can he be trolling us if we’re too tired of his troll-schtick to care anymore?

      • FibonacciSequins

        Well, we’re still talking about him, so if that’s his goal, then yes.

  • @Biting Panda

    Douchenozilla; The Godzilla of douchenozzles. Towering roughly 300 feet over than your typical douchenozzle; an obnoxious and endlessly frustrating individual.

    (credit Urban Dictionary)

  • sagecreek

    Oh, no argument here, unks.

  • Chuck Barthelme

    What the? I was watching one of the Toby McGuire Spiderman movies the other day, and actually had to remind myself that his friend was James Franco. Because he hasn’t really looked that good in years. This is abhorrent. How did he go down this path, exactly? Why James, WHY??

    • lunchcoma

      Well, they say you get the face you deserve at 50. I know Franco is only 36, but maybe he’s precocious.

    • TropiCarla

      You ain’t kidding. He was damn fine in that Spiderman.

    • MartyBellerMask

      Franco is a crush that went south quickly. I has a sad now.

  • eowyn_of_rohan

    Anyone who pens an editorial defending Shia LaBeoouuueeuf pretty much is a douchenozzle for life. And to think he was so damn hot in “Milk.”

    • fursa_saida

      Also there’s the whole thing to pick up an underage girl thing. He’s just TERRIBLE.

  • hughman

    You know how you go to a family reunion and your second cousin you haven’t seen in ages but who used to be heavy into drugs is there and she insists in a high shrieky voice she wants to introduce you to her fiancee who she met at one of her Higher Calling Temple retreats and she swears he’s so sweet and he already has a trailer he lives in with his 3 kids from his previous marriage to a stripper?

    Well here ya go.

    • Gatto Nero

      Amen and hallelujah.

    • demidaemon

      Nailed it.

    • DebbieLovesShoes

      Exactly, Hughman.

  • didgerdoni

    All I could work up was a big yawn.

  • alyce1213

    And the Kittens responded in one voice.
    Gosh, he nauseates me.

  • Noah

    I prefer “DOUCHECANOE” but I’m willing to accept “DOUCHENOZZLE.”

  • Sif

    Boring cut, cheap fabric, and horrible grooming. I’m not even gonna start with his shade. Bitch, Just go home already.

  • DOUUUUUUUCHE! No disagreement over here. Maybe he’s trying to LeBoef his way out of his publicity troubles?

  • Eclectic Mayhem

    Apparently the word that came to my mind – WANKER – is British for OMFG WHAT A DOUCHENOZZLE…

  • My immediate visceral response was “tool,” but yeah, “douchenozzle” works too.

  • Shawn EH

    He’s hott. He’s like a boorish Chris Pratt, which kinda does it for me I guess.

  • MilaXX

    yup grade A douche right here.

  • JauntyJohn

    Well… he IS on broadway in “Of Mice and Men” so maybe the facial hair is for his turn as George… but even with that charitable thought, he is swimming in this suit.
    The Secret Service body language says “I give up” on the RC picture thing.
    As for the sunglasses… well… no sir. Not a good choice.

  • JR Labrador

    Witness Protection Program realness.

  • Sonia Perez

    Are we allowed to comment on celebrity gossip and how it may pertain to this man’s style?

    So, I have not seen any photos of him since that selfy he sent to that teenager. Because of this, I feel he is hiding behind those shades. BUT you really can’t cover-up “douchnozzle” within. Sorry, not possible. I will not forget.

    • Shelby


    • greyhoundgirl

      You got it.

  • marlie

    I HAAAAAAAAATE this guy. Douchenozzle indeed.

  • Anna


  • Alyssa

    Total douchenozzle.

  • Inspector_Gidget

    Unabomber on sentencing day.

  • Lori

    This has been the saddest Sausage Friday ever.

    • I’m hoping there is going to be something really good and potentially NSFW as the pretty of the day.

      • Lori

        We definitely need some high quality nakedidity to clear out the douche fumes and disappointment.

      • lunchcoma

        I think I need a the entirety of the Marvel Universe to save us from this disaster. Superhero costumes optional, of course.

        • I’m in a closed facebook group of likeminded individuals – so at the moment I have one tab that is Hiddleston’s Deep Blue Sea sex scene on a loop, and one tab of this. It’s refreshing to switch between…

  • Chameleon

    For all we know, it’s not even James Franco. I mean beard AND sunglasses?

  • DTLAFamilies

    I thought TOOL and not DOUCHE, but, you know, tomayto-tomahto

  • Musicologie

    He’s trying to be Robert Downey Jr., I think.

  • LeelaST

    He looks like rental-security at a cheap wedding.

  • MW

    ‘SUFFOCATING DOUCHE FUMES’ was my thought before I even scrolled down. He needs to shave because this thing that’s sprouting out of his face is not pleasant.

  • KarenFK

    Ugh. I just had to go find some pictures of Hugh Jackman online to erase this image from my brain.

  • msdamselfly

    I think his grooming is probably for his Broadway play “Of MIce and Men”

    • alyce1213

      A role — migrant farm worker ca 1930s — for which scraggly beard and hair are not required. Men in the 1930s, even poor men, shaved and had short haircuts. Maybe you’d see 5 o’clock shadow between shaves, but not this beard and mustache.

  • lunchcoma

    No rising up here. He’s gross. His smug expression is gross. His wrinkled, unhemmed banker suit is gross. His uncombed, probably unwashed hair is really gross.

  • Jen

    I dont like him anyway.

  • uprightcitizen

    Attractive, smart, funny man. There’s only one explanation for his appearance, and it rhymes with “scarijuana.”

    • alyce1213

      That is funny, but no excuse as so many scarijuana enthusiasts manage to look well put-together.

    • There is a chance that he carried 4/20 on for a few extra days and that’s why he needs the sunglasses. He looks baked at the best of times, but I bet his eyes are a sight to behold.

      • In_Stitches

        According to Seth Rogan, Franco doesn’t smoke pot which makes his act all the more confusing.

        • Really? Does he stick to hash brownies?

        • marlie

          I don’t buy that for a second.

        • lunchcoma

          Seth Rogen can say that until the end of time, and I still won’t believe him.

          Not that it matters. Smoking weed is probably the least offensive thing about James Franco.

  • Tom Markiewicz

    He looks like a bodyguard. A bad one.

  • Ashleigh

    horrible. On one hand, I appreciate a rebel. On the other, ew.

  • BLauD

    All I could think was “Dooooooooooouche” as I scrolled down. I have always assumed this is his default state since I’ve never seen him otherwise.

  • Jennifer Peters-Ahnberg

    That is a huge old pile of steaming NOPE.

  • notterriblybitter

    I was thinking “colossal dickweed” but “douchenozzle” works too.

  • dmkava

    He’s an “artiste” He doesn’t need to worry about his clothing!

  • ktr33

    I almost feel like… like he’s doing it on purpose, like a Joaquin Phoenix-esque “gag.”

  • Denise Rambo

    Hate the messy hair. Hate the messy beard. Hate the horrible suit. Oh … I’ll just say it … I hate James Franco. There’s nothing he could wear that would make me like him.

  • SophieCollier

    Not taking of your shades is seriously douchey behavior.

  • Danielle

    He’s showered and upright. I can’t really ask for more at this point.

  • NYCRecessionista

    He looks like he’s playing a secret service agent in an amateur porno flick.

  • nannypoo

    I realize he is versatile and multitalented and all that crap, but I find him just a little creepy.

  • tiny_bookbot

    Paragon of douchenozzle. He’s actually a good actor, but he’s kind of too busy being a complete pretentious toolbelt these days for anyone to remember or care.

    • jilly_d

      “Complete pretentious toolbelt” *snort*

      • tiny_bookbot

        Such a tool that he’s the whole damn belt!

  • AmyLeigh

    wish he had just come wearing his nude paintings of Seth Rogen…

  • James Franco discovered that he doesn’t have to give a fuck and will never miss an opportunity to broadcast it.

    • Imasewsure

      And that is precisely why I like this guy… he seems to enjoy the best of fame and fortune but does whatever the f@%k he wants (AND has a career anyway). Props JF props

  • Shelby

    The douche is strong with this one… and I’ve never understood why some have wanted to defend him.

  • CNM

    UGH UGH UGH The facial hair is so incredibly hiddy.

  • Jacob Bowen


  • LadyVimes

    He always manages to look sleazy. How does he do it?

  • YoungSally

    S&*^ the FBI agent I worked with a couple of years ago dressed better than this in his snoopy tie and motivational speaker Matt pants.

    All 14 yo girls who think he would be a “hot” hookup should see this photo.

  • kmk05

    I thought the response would just be ‘OH FUCK OFF.’ What an ass.

  • melanie0866


  • Sally

    I bet he smells like patchouli.

  • Qitkat

    I propose a spoof of the Men in Black film franchise. We have found our star.

    • Qitkat

      Which of course is patently absurd, since MIB is a spoof. But, nevertheless…;-)

  • crash1212

    A nozzle of the douchiest variety.

  • icm

    horrible stache and beard.scraggy yuck!

  • Imasewsure

    I covered my mouth and laughed out loud at this one…
    I don’t even think it’s douchey because it’s so fricking comical… clearly the man is high all of the time and just decided to play Secret Service with his publicist!
    Power on Weird Doobie Franco… you annoy us but whatever…. you are high

  • Judih1

    What a waste of a Sausage Friday post. This is like greasy, warmed over low grade sausage that gives you gas.

  • Ma. Gabriella Dutari

    He used to be so cute…*sighs*

  • Akemi


  • BobStPaul

    I tried to watch Interior: Leather Bar but I turned it off half-way through in large part because he came across as an inarticulate twit, an impression only emphasized by these photos – if someone can appear inarticulate in a photo…. Besides which, that is one horribly fitting suit.

  • Scott Cooper

    He looks like he’s attending a secret service funeral. Get high after the red carpet, James.

  • ShaoLinKitten

    You won’t get any argument from me. James Franco is #1 on my Irrational Celebrity Hate List, and yes, he is an epic douchenozzle.

    • MyFavoriteColorIsGlitter

      It’s not irrational though. Liking him would be irrational! I think it’s safe to say, at this point, that pretty much everyone knows he’s a moron with delusions of grandeur and he universally gets the nose wrinkle of disdain.

      • ShaoLinKitten

        My friends on FB post James Franco articles on my timeline just to irk me. What put me over the edge from dislike to hate was the invisible art. Surely you know about this. He is so pretentious, but all I see for him in the press is praise. There was one article saying he was a Renaissance man for our time. So you can imagine my relief to find that TLo and the Bitter Kittens agree with me about him. Whew!

  • Baghag

    No. Just. No.
    Gag me with a chainsaw.

  • cocohall

    He looks like the head of the security team for a porn star at the Adult Film Awards. That’s all I have. I live in Palo Alto. Whatever he says about this town, don’t buy it. He’s entitled to his opinion and point of view, but apparently he thinks this is a good look, so just take that into consideration, world.

  • venusvelvet

    Bert Macklin.

    • ShaoLinKitten

      But where is Janet Snakehole?

  • altalinda

    Moonlighting for the Secret Service, I see.

  • CPK1

    the stench of Eau de Douche is unbearable

  • Ugh. The Cindy Sherman knock-offs are unforgivable. He’s a decent actor but his delusions of depth are stupid.

  • quiltrx

    Man, he is SUCH a tool.

  • MannahattaMamma

    Oh puhleez. Because you are SO COOL. and SO STONED. And if you’re NOT stoned then you’re a total dick, as opposed to just a little bit of a dick. Or maybe just a little dick.

  • demidaemon

    Now, normally I find him attractive (in that dirty, rgret it after the fact kind of way), but I totally agree with TLo’s assessment here. Douchenozzle with asshole sunglasses.

  • Anna -Artgoddessmama

    Creepy mustache.

  • bingo

    a nozzle indeed, spraying and emanating douche-y ness into the universe. ugh, all of it. that worn cat-scratching post of a beard, the posture, the sunglasses. ugh.

  • conniemd

    Not arguing with you, I’ve thought the dude was a total douche since he did the Academy Awards with Anne Hathaway. In fact, he was such a douche that I developed a soft spot for her for soldiering through his embarrassing performance. I wouldn’t go to a movie he is in, unless he played a douche, such is my antipathy towards him.

  • When you call him a douche, you imply that he would be permitted near a vagina. Not happening. Not with THAT look.

  • ‘Becca’lise Deveaux

    Blech, he does nothing for me. I was at the TCM Film Festival in Hollywood recently and while standing in line, about a million people asked me to move so they could get a picture of James Franco’s star that I was standing on.

  • Mrs. O

    First thought: He makes me ashamed of my Yale degree. And that puts him in the same category as Dubya. Second thought: Gimli! They let you out of Middle Earth! But I thought you’d look taller in person.

  • lilazander

    His facial hair is gross. He actually looks gross altogether

  • Lilyana_F

    I’ve never found him attractive in the slightest, but this right here is some next level grossness.

  • CatherineRhodes

    You didn’t even mention the douche factor of sunglasses indoors.

  • greyhoundgirl

    If he was impeccably dressed and groomed he would still be a douchenozzle.

  • Cate

    He hit a kind of sweet spot for me around 2007, when I simultaneously discovered “Freaks and Geeks” and saw him hilariously trolling his way through the abysmal “Spider-Man 3”. I liked him then. A lot. But 2014 James Franco? Nooooo, thank you. Total douche. Such a shame.

  • F.W.

    What the heck is wrong with you people?????
    I mean look at him he´s fucking handsome! His nose, his lips his beautiful bright brown eyes…everything!
    When I think he couldn´t look hotter- BAMZ surprise! What´s with all the hate you fucking haters -_-