Heidi Klum at “America’s Got Talent” Red Carpet Event

Posted on April 23, 2014

We’re pretty sure we’ve started off at least a dozen Heidi Klum posts this way, but it’s never not appropriate:

Oh, Heidi.

And we’d love to follow that up with “Don’t ever change,” but really:

Heidi-Klum-America-Got-Talent-APBD-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Heidi Klum at the America’s Got Talent red carpet event at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles, California.

Heidi-Klum-America-Got-Talent-APBD-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Heidi-Klum-America-Got-Talent-APBD-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Heidi-Klum-America-Got-Talent-APBD-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

Heidi-Klum-America-Got-Talent-APBD-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (5)


It’s time to change.

It’s to the point where all she sees when she looks at a dress is slits, tits and animal prints. If it checks off those three boxes, she’s blind to any of the other aspects of the dress. Like if it’s fugly or not.




[Photo Credit: Nancy Rivera/ACE/INFphoto.com, INFphoto.com]

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  • marlie

    At least it’s not skin-tight, too. Hey, I’m trying to find the silver lining here. Here’s one – her hair and makeup look good.

    • kimmeister

      It’s the best her hair and makeup have looked in ages!

      • formerlyAnon

        Yes. Her face is so good that I was wondering if she’s had some minor freshening.

        • littlemac8

          I was wondering, too. i feel reasonably certain she has, although I don’t know when she would have time to do it.

    • holla

      Yes it’s the only thing that is good here

  • RussellH88

    It just looks weird. Like it’s a black dress with a leopard print sash.

    It’s ugly as hell.

  • Miss Ruth

    Uncles, when someone eventually uses “Slits, Tits, and Animal Prints” as the title of their memoir, you need to SUE.

    • Danielle

      Damn it, now I have to think of something else. 🙁

    • unbornfawn

      Maybe that’s the title of TLo’s next book?

    • StillGary

      I’m hearing it in my head as more of an Irish ditty — you know, like the Unicorn Song but instead of “we got some cats, and rats and Ele-phants…” Well, you know where that went…

      • formerlyAnon


    • shopgirl716

      Maybe the name of Heidi’s next line? New Balance Slits, Tits, and Animal Prints, the perfect Project Runway challenge.

      • AudreysMom

        somehow I have a Cher song running through my brain….

  • Her face is looking very fresh… but that dress needs to be burnt.

    • L’Anne

      Burn it twice, and then salt it.

    • formerlyAnon

      Had the same thought about her face.

      The dress is just perplexing, even for Ms. Klum.

  • Miranda

    Oh dear God…………….no

    • Laura Abrahamsen

      My exact words as the full pic scrolled into view.

  • @Biting Panda

    Oofta. So bad. So Heidi.

    • decormaven

      Oofta for sure. This is FHO – For Heidi Only.

  • hughman

    I wonder when that battery pack inflates her tits.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      I’m just glad I wasn’t sipping coffee when I read your comment. First the tits inflate, and then the amazing Heidi titzeppelin shoots off into the ether.

  • MilaXX

    Is ugly.

  • Stella Zawistowski

    Did she borrow that from one of her Victoria’s Secret fashion shows back in the day?

    • 3boysful

      I was seeing the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalogue.

    • demidaemon

      I’m pretty sure Victoria’s Secret is much more boob friendly and flattering than this….thing.

  • alyce1213

    Heidi Heidi Heidi. What are we gonna do with you? It really has gone from hoping for improvement to resignation: “never change.” I guess the game is just sit back and wait to see what tackiness she’ll embrace for our amusement.

  • Sarah

    Ha I JUST saw this on another site, and literally said out loud in my cube “OF COURSE.” But DAMN, Heidi, I’d almost like to see you in a froofy Marchesa (in light pink!) just for the frikkin’ change of pace.

    • formerlyAnon

      As far as I’m concerned, though, the “almost” is the operative word in that sentence.

      Heidi in Marchesa would be almost as disconcerting to me as Lebron James in Marchesa. (Hey. I said ALMOST, o.k.?)

      • Sarah

        Heh, you got a point there.

  • NMMagpie

    This dress is just a big ol’ NO, no matter who is wearing it.

  • In her defense, she probably got that dress at a great price at Ross. (Not that there’s anything wrong with Ross…)

  • ashtangajunkie

    She’s out-Heidied herself.

  • Ashleigh

    She could wear A N Y T H I N G – so yes, time for a change, girl! shoot

  • Gatto Nero

    “slits, tits and animal prints” — of course.
    At least it’s not the “short, tight, and shiny” trifecta of bad taste this time. Changing it up a little.

  • sagecreek

    Lordy, she’s like Beetlejuice, someone mentioned her in the comments over at the Keibler article and HERE SHE IS.

  • demidaemon

    Oh, Heidi. Your hair is pretty, though. Too bad about the dress with the saggy bodice and horrible pattern blocking.

  • PinkyAndNoBrain

    If America’s Got Talent, I’m just gonna assume whoever designed this wasn’t American. Or America is just chock full of liars. Or both.

  • FibonacciSequins

    Did one of the Project Runway also-rans design this?

    • largishbearishAtlish

      wasn’t that the “Make something inapropriate’ challenge from season 4?

      • FibonacciSequins

        Must have been!

  • Katesymae

    Do mine eyes deceive, or is she looking kinda Britney?

  • oatmealpie

    I would love to see Heidi Klum and Zooey Deschanel swap outfits just for one day.

    • sagecreek

      I think, if my physics education was on point, that that would bring on the synchonicity. Or a big explosion, maybe.

  • Bozhi

    Heidi managed to find a bodice that does not look good on her. I didn’t think that could be done. The thing needs to be burned.

  • nannypoo

    Such a pretty woman. Remind me again how she is qualified to judge fashion.

  • clatie

    HALL OF SHAME. Slitty and titty, as usual.

  • Darcy H

    This is a losing dress from a PR challenge and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. I think some bitter contestant snuck it in to Heidi’s closet and the poor dear grabbed it while she ran out the door.

  • mimi

    whatever, if i looked like that, i’d dress like she does too.

  • KT

    If someone ever made a porno version of The Wizard of Oz (assuming that hasn’t been done already….?), “lions, tigers and bears” would definitely be replaced with “slits, tits and animal prints.”

  • Mothra

    That might be the most unflattering thing I have seen all day, and I work in municipal government so I know what i’m talking about.

    • theblondette

      Ha! I read this to myself in a Leslie Knope voice 😀

    • DebbieLovesShoes

      Haha ^ this. I used to work in City Government and I’m with you on that!

    • MaggieMae

      THANK YOU for that laugh!

  • teensmom99

    That neckline was not meant for any one. Really–who could that look good on?

  • suzq

    I think it’s very telling that we don’t know who the designer is. No one wants to admit responsibility for this.

    • lobsterlen

      Designed by Fredrick’s of Hollywood.

      • Lilithcat

        Ha. I should have scrolled down before posting pretty much the exact same thing.

    • largishbearishAtlish

      can anyone name a shower curtain designer?

  • lexilexi

    She has lost a lot of weight…. what happened to that curvaceous bod?

  • lobsterlen

    “Heidi in dresses of slits, tits and animals prints” could have been verse in My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music.

  • Lilithcat

    So, Frederick’s of Hollywood is still around, I see.

  • ♠♥zee♣♦

    It looks cheap and it looks like something a stripper would wear. No. Stop.

  • BluesD

    The only good thing about that top is that she has room to keep snacks in there. It would fit a nice-sized bag of chips.

    • GorgeousThings

      Given that she clearly thinks it’s all that AND a bag of chips… 🙂

  • what not

    Even in her wheelhouse, I’ve seen her look much better. Ugh.

  • Judy_J

    “Slits, Tits and Animal Prints” Love it!

  • Jacob Bowen

    I could even DEAL with the animal print if it wasn’t sewn attached in this AWKWARD, unflattering shape. I would even FORGIVE the slit if the neckline didn’t look like it just didn’t fit correctly and was drooping there sadly.

  • theblondette

    Jaw-droppingly AWFUL! It’s like she DIYed some cheap lingerie. Wut even.

  • GeoDiva

    It’s Project Runway, Juniors Division.

  • Sofia

    She is beautiful but the dress doesn’t fit well and it looks a bit cheap. It doesn’t even look like her style.

  • Sophie

    And her necklace doesn’t even go with the rest of the mess. Has she changed her hair somehow? It looks really good.

  • GorgeousThings

    I want that battery backpack. I’d wear it with everything!

  • GorgeousThings

    As my husband just sang,

    “Slits and tits and animal prints… doo dah, doo dah”

  • bitchybitchybitchy

    Slits, tits, and animal prints-I’m hearing Cher singing this! Now, that would be fun, which this dress decidedly is not.

  • StillGary

    From the sternum up, picture I thought it was going to be great — her hair and makeup are soft and pretty — cool pendant — sure it was plungy, but c’mon it’s Heidi.

  • cocohall

    The next time she says on Project Runway, “I would totally wear that!” let’s all collectively remember this look and laugh and laugh. She is cray-cray, but honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Where would be the fun in a consistently elegant, chic Heidi? Keep it coming, Frau Klum!

  • largishbearishAtlish

    Does the bottom/skirt come of to reveal the bikini so you can then slip into the hot tub?

    the top looks like a bikini top. OUT!

  • LeelaST

    Neck up and knees down she looks gorgeous.

  • LadyVimes

    Drapy boobs, unflattering blocking, tacky print, horrible afterthought of a thigh slit. Above the shoulders she looks good, everything else….gah.

  • FridaStaire

    Ach, du liebe Zeit!

  • titaness25

    Please, please tell me that I’m not expected to wear cheaply shiny leopard print to appease This Season’s Fashion Gods.

  • Jeannie Shmina Greenwald

    It’s the Heidi Klum for Kohl’s Collection.

  • Jeannie Shmina Greenwald

    Also, borderline too thin.

  • AutumnInNY


  • AnneElliot

    It’s not shiny. She hasn’t checked off that box yet.

  • Clash D

    That said, this is the softest, most youthful head I’ve seen on her in a long while.

  • Jess Ballinger

    She reminds me of Julie Bowen in that third picture.

  • Mary Lauer

    AND it has an exposed zipper! ARGH!

  • kategs

    I try to be positive, I do but dear lord is this the epitome of tacky or what?!

  • FancyPhilly

    Her face is beautiful…. but that neckline is not helping at all. What probably on paper hit all her buttons for “sexy” in reality makes her look gaunt. The neckline is too low and it gives her the dreaded bobblehead look.

  • jenuwefa

    Ahhhhh…you can take the girl out of Germany, but you can’t take the Germany out of the girl.

  • S, T & AP! HAHAHA! I love you guys.

  • Pennymac


  • Mousentrude

    Can’t believe I like this; I’m sure I shouldn’t. Probably the neck-up fabulousness blinding my critical eye.

  • quiltrx

    That is a REALLY cheap-looking dress. I know she’s predictable, but even she is better than this monstrosity.