Diane Lane at the “Every Secret Thing” Premiere

Posted on April 21, 2014

There’s something a little “Koo-koo-ca-choo, Mrs. Robinson” going on here, which sounds like a great look, but the actuality is decidedly less fabulous than one would hope.


Diane-Lane-Every-Secret-Thing-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (1)Diane Lane attends the premiere of “Every Secret Thing” during the 2014 Tribeca Film Festival in New York City.

Diane-Lane-Every-Secret-Thing-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (2)

Diane-Lane-Every-Secret-Thing-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (3)

Diane-Lane-Every-Secret-Thing-Premiere-Tom-Lorenzo-Site-TLO (4)

It’s the lace. Lace ruins EVERYTHING, kittens.

Also: her hair is both matronly and a total mess. We’re just gonna say it: awful look for her. She can do so much better. We kinda like the shape of that dress for her, but absolutely nothing else is working here.





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  • That’s what my hair looks like when I sleep through my alarm and realize the only thing I have time for is dry shampoo and a messy bun. Sigh.

  • Glam Dixie

    Oh Dear. If a dress can make the beautiful Diane Lane look frumpy, then it needs to be burned (and the Earth salted, etc thank you TLo)

    • decormaven

      Sing it, sister.

    • bitchybitchybitchy

      What is it with the designers draping lace over fabric and thinking they’ve done something special-or attractive?

  • My problem is it reminds me a bit much of the dress the Queen wore when the President of Ireland visited the other week. Which means that it is reading really matronly. I think if it were sleeveless it would be better but there may just be a point where a trapeze dress isn’t the best shape for a curvacious woman.

  • TheLaurenJean

    At least her makeup looks nice? Ugh, it’s just so bad.

  • Evan

    All I see is a fancy tablecloth.

  • Gatto Nero

    The silhouette of the dress is fine, but those white masses of fabric between the black lacy bits are not doing her any favors.
    Oh, and the hair.

  • kimmeister

    I would be ok with the lace only at the sleeves and neckline, as long as she didn’t have those ferret ears right below her clavicles. As is, it’s just too much.

    • Frank_821

      yes I was about to say they went overboard on the lace. Neckline and sleeves would have given it a nice upscale color/pattern block effect

    • Anathema_Device

      Good point. I’m not anti-lace in all. In fact, I really like it. The problem is it can look cheap really easily.

  • @Biting Panda

    This hurts my feelings.

  • Kent Roby

    If she falls asleep in that dress, she’s likely to wake up with a tea set and cookies on her torso, Bless her heart.

    • kimmeister

      That. Would. Be. Amazing!

    • cocohall

      I have just snorted my English Breakfast tea all over my plate. Thank you for this Alice-in-Wonderland visual. I can see someone playing croquet with flamingos and hedge hogs nearby.

  • RedRaven617

    Very mother of the bride, 1967.

    • formerlyAnon

      I think a sexier version of MOB 1967 is what they were going for. But toooooo sloppy, missed by a mile.

  • Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Table Runner.

  • Dany


  • Janet B

    The shape/length of the dress is fantastic on her, but this dress should be a wild print not silly lace.

  • KinoEye

    Mrs. Robinson wouldn’t be caught dead with that hair. if nothing else, she was always well-coiffed and put together.

  • kfizz

    I think if it were 3 inches shorter, it would manage to even be the look it’s trying to be, and then we might be somewhere. But only with better hair and more dramatic eye makeup.

  • CatherineRhodes

    I like the dress, but hate everything else. Ditch the pumps for more fabulous shoes, add some jewelery and more dramatic make-up. Find a more youthful hair style. Magic.

  • Katie

    This looks like the perfect mother of the bride dress where the bride is doing a black sash or something. I’m not against lace in general but I think the combo of lace, black and white, and fit is what somehow made this beautiful, shapely woman look frumpy.

    • Qitkat

      I’ve thought for years that an established designer should come out with a deliberate Mother of the Bride collection. With. No. Lace.
      It will never happen.
      But in four more years the fiftieth anniversary of S&G’s song will happen. Half a century, kittens. Oy vey.

  • ralish

    I saw that dress on a major sale at Macy’s this weekend.

    • demidaemon

      I hope you avoided purchasing it.

  • demidaemon

    Is this a continuation of the campaign against lace with horrible lace dresses? Because I see the horribleness here. NO. SAY NO TO LACE EVERYONE, UNLESS YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED.

  • The Versatile Chef

    I’ll pass on your thoughts when I see her at yoga next Sunday.

  • decormaven

    Weeping, as yet another star succumbs to the Black Lace Plague.

  • Image #1: Mother of the bride – circa 1970 – city hall wedding and then over to a restaurant for dinner – Carpenters’ “We’ve Only Just Begun” on the jukebox? Image #2: Joanne: “I’d like to propose a toast….here’s to the ladies…”

  • MilaXX

    Send the dress back to Liza and comb your hair

  • andi56

    All true, but Diane Lane? Too fabulous words! I just love her.

  • nannypoo

    Pretty face.

  • deech_sea

    She does look matronly, which saddens me, because she is beautiful, and because I remember her as a fresh ingenue in “A Little Romance.”

  • luludexter

    lace trend please die

  • LeelaST

    I said “matronly” and “it’s the lace” before scrolling down. I have been taught well.

  • Little_Olive

    It’s a really, really bad version of Cate Blanchett’s Givenchy gown, with aspirations of Dolce and Gabanna. And it makes her look thick.

  • Imasewsure

    She needs a cigarette holder and a martini glass (refilled and emptied many times) to complete the look

  • myristica_fragrans

    god, did stella do this?

  • Anathema_Device

    The hair really wrecks this look. The dress isn’t great. I hate to say it, but I think it is a little young for her. I’m a year older than her, and when I wear anything too retro, it almost looks like I’m *still* wearing it from when it was in fashion the first time. You have to pair the retro item with really updated pieces, makeup, and hair.

  • marlie

    I like the dress. I think it’s really cute, BUT she really needs to OWN it, and with the half-assed makeup and hair, and boring accessories, she’s not doing that.

  • Chuck Barthelme

    The whole look is off- hair, dress, shoes…

  • Jacob Bowen

    Rorschach Test Lace Dress….ugly.

  • GoAwayKardash

    I love love love her for not having botox face.

    • TerryMH

      Totally agree -IN! For me, a real face trumps an awkward dress every time.

  • Bonnie Blue

    I think the dress and hair make her look unfortunately matronly, and she’s so pretty. The placement of the lace makes a strange pattern up top. Different material in a similar silhouette might have been better.

  • Patrick Cleary

    Cut the dress down to a shirt, add a pair of skinny jeans, and it’s fabulous. Not for the red carpet, but I’m in Project Runway challenge mode here.

  • Dagney

    Dear Diane- You are still in shape and very sexy. Please don’t start dressing like an Old Maid game card.

  • strawberryshake


  • Where’s the candelabra that sits in the middle?

  • what not

    She looks like an ornate picture frame.

  • FibonacciSequins

    Lace DOES ruin everything. I’m glad to know T&L share my opinion.

  • Alloy Jane

    Holy cow, lace langoliers are eating Diane Lane!

  • AutumnInNY

    Agree. She doesn’t look like herself at all in these photos.

  • teensmom99


  • sagecreek

    Oh, dear. I had that dress during my fat days, and trust me, Fat Sagecreek is not a look that Diane Lane needs to aspire to.

  • Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

    People’s viewpoints are funny things. I like the lace but HATE the shape on her. I agree with everything else you said, Uncles.

  • conniemd

    This makes me so sad. I love Diane Lane and she just looks old and tired here with that dress and hair.

  • MannahattaMamma

    has she had work done? Her forehead looks suspiciously smooth, and that makes me sad, too. Sighing now. I thought she was going to resist the lure of the botoxification of the soul…

  • That dress totally obliterates her great body and that’s just sad. And the hair is doing the same to her great face, but maybe she had plans later to pull one pin from it so it all cascades, sexy librarian style, so I’ll give her a pass.

  • Amy D

    Very MOB and the hair is too messy (yet oddly severe). Also, what is wrong with her eyes? Is it just me or are they super-dilated?

  • Danielle

    From the neck up its’a WERQ.

    • Shawn EH

      She needs a stronger lip, though. She’s a blood red cover girl.

  • Kathy

    With darker eyebrows and lipstick, she’d be a dead ringer for Joan Crawford in the sixties.

  • cocohall

    I love Diane Lane so much. She manages to be stunningly beautiful, yet vulnerable and comedic at the same time. I so wish this was a costume for a film where she is playing a beleaguered Mother of the Bride. And she would telegraph that she was in on the joke of the dress. I think it is best that we all look away and just not speak of this. She doesn’t have many Red Carpet appearances; we don’t want to scare her away.

  • suzq

    You set me up here. I don’t know the designer of this dress, so I must criticize the wearer. Just because everyone is wearing these piecemeal dresses doesn’t mean you should, Diane. If everybody jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?

    Now, when my mom would say that, I would smart aleck, “Depends on why they’re jumping, Mom.” She’d smack me upside the head in that way Italian mothers do. But she and I would agree that dress does not suit you.

  • formerlyAnon

    I think the dress is matronly. Like trying to be cool, age-appropriate sexy aunt at the wedding except she had to buy the ensemble from the rather limited and conservative 2nd tier department store that was the best she could do after the airline lost the luggage.

    Hair is wrong. Too messy. This might have worked with a do that required hair spray and a couple of killer cocktail rings.

  • kategs

    oh pooh. Lace does not ruin everything. I think her face needs more “definition” ie cheek color and more lip. And kitten sling-backs.

  • Pennymac

    3 headed cartoon alien silhouette across her body. It’s all I can see.